A Kindred Spirit
Part three
Kirk looked up and saw a small metallic creature trundle across the grass towards them. He eased the tricorder from around the Vulcan's neck, eased him onto the ground, busied himself with the machine and studied the readings.
"Is that a robot?" Mitchell asked, his phaser pointed at the intruder.
Kirk stood up. "Yes, it's a robot of some kind." It didn't seem dangerous but Kirk had seen too many seemingly harmless things that had turned out to be very nasty. He'd take no chances. The robot stopped several metres away and an antenna-like appendage emerged from its body.
"Who are you?" it said, in an oddly sing-song voice.
At least now he might be able to talk with the planet-being through its messenger. Yet, it might not be very easy to reason with an entity that had killed so many and could just as easily destroy everyone on his ship. Everything depended on his ability to communicate with the creatrix of this planet. Spock had done the groundwork; now he had to build on that.
"Are you the being who lives within this planet?" he asked.
"I am she. I use this mechanical device to speak with you. He, who lies at your feet, is not functioning as well as before."
Kirk noted that his first officer was conscious - barely. He tried not to show fear as he asked, "What have you done to him?"
"Done! Why nothing! We conversed but it seems that mind contact with me was exhausting for him. I am more powerful than he. Yet, he is interesting, and the first one I had spoken with since I awakened from my long sleep."
Kirk was amazed. "You were asleep! For how long?"
"Many thousands of years. I am unsure of the exact amount of time. I created my world and it was a momentous and difficult task. I slept to restore my strength and when I awoke found parasites on my beautiful creation. I destroyed them."
Those words chilled Kirk. This being believed them also to be parasites. He knew what humans did to such unwanted life. Even Vulcans, with their respect for all creatures - had been forced to rid themselves of some parasites. "People, not parasites, lived here," he responded. "They built these beautiful buildings, the gardens, the roads. There must be many wonders hidden inside the buildings. Works of art, literature, technology. Could parasites do any of that? Those who created all this were intelligent and a natural part of your world. They evolved here, just as we evolved on our planets. What gives you the right to kill intelligent life-forms? What manner of being are you? Why did you murder and terrorise my crew? We came here in peace. We only wanted to make contact and learn from the inhabitants here."
Mitchell was horrified at the risk that Jim was taking. He dared not interrupt. He had to trust that Jim knew what he was doing. He hadn't been too good at accepting that recently. He glanced down at the Vulcan to see him now silently watching the captain. There was a strange expression on his normally unemotional features. Interest certainly but was that concern...
Spock became aware of his scrutiny and their eyes met for a moment in mutual apprehension. He returned his attention to Kirk, glad now that there was someone else for his friend to rely on. Someone strong enough to support yet restrain him if necessary; someone he could trust implicitly. Mitchell had the oddest feeling. He tried to ignore it but was unable to shake the sudden premonition that he would not be with Jim for very much longer.
The alien spoke. "I did not know that they were intelligent. I destroyed them as you would do pests. In my contact with Mr Spock I learned a great deal about the galaxy and those civilisations who populate it. Now, I am ashamed. I have committed mass murder. I have killed millions of intelligent and resourceful life-forms."
Kirk was unsure how to continue. The entity had a conscience but she could as easily change her mind and turn on them. He had no guarantees that she truly was remorseful. He would have to be very careful here. "You killed them. That's a fact, but we cannot pass judgement on you, only you can do that. If you honestly believed them to be parasites then you must show yourself mercy. However, if you suspected them to be intelligent and deliberately committed genocide then you must live with that knowledge and guilt. Only you have the power to make these decisions."
"Only I have the power," the alien repeated. "Only I can pass judgement."
Kirk was worried. Had he said the right things? He had no way of telling, and it was possible that he had made things worse. "Release my ship and allow us to leave here in peace," he said.
The robot moved forward until it reached the prone Vulcan. Alarmed, Kirk knelt and straddled his first officer, aimed his phaser at the robot and said, "You will not harm him." He would protect Spock with his life, if necessary.
"I will not harm him," the entity reassured.
Kirk indicated that Gary come over and the navigator did so at once. Kirk was not confident that the alien would remain contrite.
"I only wish to speak with him," the being said. "He is intelligent, with a well ordered mind."
"Are you able to talk?" Kirk asked the Vulcan.
"Affirmative, sir," Spock said, in a quiet voice.
"I don't want you mind-linking with her again, Spock. It's too dangerous."
"Very well, sir."
"Go ahead and talk," Kirk said, keeping his phaser aimed at the robot. He couldn't trust someone who had killed so many, even if she did voice some regrets now.
"Speech is slow and cumbersome. I must link thoughts with him," the alien said.
Kirk swallowed. This was becoming even more dangerous. The entity was all powerful and that often brought pettiness and corruption, as well as disregard for less advanced life-forms. This was what he had been afraid of. "You will not," he said ordered.
"He is the superior being. You cannot command him," the being argued.
"He does command me," Spock said. "He is my captain and I obey him alone. I have given him my loyalty."
Kirk was pleased by those words. They were true but there were shades of meanings in them that the alien would never understand. Spock would not blindly obey him but she didn't know that.
"He will not enter into mind-link with you," Kirk said. "You must converse in words."
"I shall not. I want his thoughts."
Kirk and Spock exchanged a look. "I order you not to enter into a mind-link with this being, Mr Spock."
The alien had to be totally convinced that Spock would do no-one's bidding but his and they would need to put on some kind of show to convince her. Would Spock understand what had to be done? Could a Vulcan understand play-acting? Could Spock go along with a bluff? Once again, Kirk regretted knowing so little about his first officer. How could he so close to him, so at ease, yet not know him at all. He could only hope that Spock would cotton on and play along. If not, Kirk could end up with an enemy rather than a friend.
He grasped Spock's shirt and roughly, hauled him up. "You'll obey me, Spock. Only me. I won't tolerate any disloyalty. You're mine to command.
Spock suppressed his surprise. Surely he had already said that to his captain. Kirk shook him and his gaze bored into Spock's. The Vulcan was confused. His captain was trying to impart some kind of message but his expression was at odds with his words and actions. In Spock's weakened condition, this stronger than average human was causing him some discomfort.
"I shall obey you, sir," he said. Then it became clear. This by play was for the alien's benefit. He lowered his eyes in acknowledgement and tried to send a telepathic message saying that he understood.
"You will take orders from no other," Kirk insisted.
"No other, sir." Spock looked at Kirk with respect and admiration. "You are my captain and I obey only you. I will serve none other than you."
The Vulcan's words were for the alien's benefit but Kirk knew that they were also aimed at him, an avowal of loyalty that few were privileged to have. He pressed Spock's shoulder, trying to indicate his gratitude, and then released him.
Spock struggled into a kneeling position and was obviously concentrating on keeping his exhaustion at bay. Kirk nodded his understanding as Spock stood up to face the robot. "There will be no mind-link," Kirk said. "Mr Spock is mine to command and I do not give my permission."
"Truly, you are remarkable beings," the voice said. "During the mind-link I glimpsed the loyalty that Mr Spock has given you, Captain Kirk. I had not, however, realised its extent. Very well, I shall accept verbal communication."
Kirk was relieved but he still had doubts about trusting the alien. He couldn't afford to take any chances. "Proceed, Mr Spock, but be careful."
"Yes, sir," the Vulcan said, and something in his tone or his stance alerted Kirk. Spock was apprehensive and distrusted the entity. He was also weaving with exhaustion. Kirk moved to his right and motioned the silent Mitchell to the Vulcan's other side. He hoped that they would appear both menacing and protective to the planet being.
He pointed his phaser at Spock's head, hoped the Vulcan would understand this further bluff, and said, "Any attempt by you at mind-link with Mr Spock will force me to shoot him. You'll be caught up in his death and the shock of that will do you a lot of harm."
Mitchell drew in a sharp breath. "Jim..."
Kirk glared at him, saw the sudden realisation at what he was doing in Gary's eyes then a nod of acceptance from his old friend as their years-long camaraderie reasserted itself. He shifted his attention to Spock and saw his approval. So, he had been right. Spock certainly did distrust the entity and another link - especially a forced one - would have severe repercussions.
"I did not know that you had the power of life and death over your subordinates," the entity said.
Kirk didn't reply but kept perfectly still with his phaser still aimed at Spock's head. He hoped he wouldn't be forced to use it, for he had come to the realisation that this was no bluff. If the entity forced a link with Spock, she would likely kill him then after that all the crew would be her prey. If that did happen they would not have a chance. She was immensely powerful; she was draining the ship's systems. Without the Enterprise phasers and photon torpedoes, they were helpless against her. The only way to affect her now was through his threat to kill Spock. He knew very little about telepathy but something in Spock's expression told him that his thoughts on the matter were being followed and that he was right.
"Captain Kirk has the right to kill me, if he thinks it necessary," Spock said, his eyes never leaving Kirk's.
Kirk tried to get rid of the lump in his throat. Spock was giving permission for his own death by Kirk's hands. He fought to hide his distress, for he couldn't know if the entity could comprehend what was happening.
Horrified at the dangerous game that Jim and Spock were playing, Mitchell found it difficult to remain silent. Jim kill one of his crew! Someone he was attached to! If forced to shoot Spock - and Gary realised that he might have to - Jim would never forgive himself. He cried inside for the pain in Kirk's eyes, for the decision he might have to make, even for the Vulcan who had consented to his own death. Mitchell wondered if he - in Spock's position - would show such courage.
"You would not kill your friend," the alien said.
Kirk gave a start. What more need he do to convince her. "Just try me," he said, grabbing Spock around the throat in a stranglehold. He pulled the unresisting Vulcan against him, placed the phaser tip at his temple, and silently asked Spock's forgiveness for this rough treatment. He could feel the tremors in the other's body and although he knew that Spock had been weakened by the mind-link with the entity, he had not realised its extent until now. In that moment he became very afraid.
The tight hold on Spock's neck was a needed support. He had understood Kirk's motives for this and was surprised at himself for agreeing to it. It was so easy to follow Kirk, so simple to trust him. He had even given consent to his own death at Kirk's hands and was content to accept his friend's judgement on the matter. He closed his eyes, and allowed himself the luxury of release from the responsibility of his own life. It was not his any more. He had placed its keeping in another's hands and he was unafraid. He was willing to sacrifice himself to save his ship, his crew-mates, Kirk -his captain and t'hy'la. Peace descended upon him.
"You are strange creatures." Soft laughter came from the robot. "I wonder if those who evolved here were like you. If so, I have missed a unique opportunity to study them. I was foolish, wilful and cruel. I have committed mass murder and there is only one punishment for someone as evil as I am.!
Kirk did not release his hold. He couldn't trust the entity; she was far too capricious. "What will you do?" he asked.
"I shall sleep but shall never awaken. It will be my death."
Anxious for some kind of guarantee from her, Kirk persisted, "How can we believe that in some future time, you'll not rouse yourself and cause further destruction."
"I give you my word, Captain. I ask you to accept that. I bequeath my world to your United Federation of Planets. Perhaps that may atone for some of my crimes. It is a lovely world, for I have made it so. Treat it kindly. Study the civilisation of my murdered ones and honour them. Farewell, little ones. You are honourable beings."
An eerie silence descended on the city. No birds sang; no insects hummed. All was still. Spock shuddered and slumped in Kirk's hold. Jim staggered with the weight and fell to his knees, still supporting the Vulcan. "Spock..."
"She is no more, Captain. Her life force has gone." Spock's voice was weak. His expression was glazed and he seemed to be sinking into unconsciousness. The death of the planet-being had forced itself on Spock's telepathic senses; even more vulnerable now due to his weakened condition.
Kirk's fear for him intensified. "Hold on, Spock."
"Captain, I have the ship," Gary said. "Transporters are functional."
"Emergency beam up. A medical team for Spock," Kirk ordered.
Moments later they were aboard the Enterprise, Spock had been taken to sickbay, and Kirk and Mitchell were looking at each other in dismay. "You're exhausted, Jim. You have to rest."
"No, there's too much to deal with. My injured crew, the drain on the ship, Spock... I don't know the extent of the damage."
"Would you have been able to kill him?" Gary asked.
Kirk's eyes were haunted. "He gave me permission to do just that." He looked to Mitchell for help. "What kind of man would willingly give up his life to another like that?"
"Maybe no man," Mitchell answered. "Jim, I've listened to him speak about his concept of friendship. Perhaps it's part of that or maybe the bravery, the nobility of his species."
Kirk could not help but smile. At last Gary was forming a deep respect and admiration for Spock. His resentment of the Vulcan seemed to be in the past. Kirk left the transporter room, his feelings in a turmoil. Spock had placed his very life in Kirk's hands and Kirk didn't know how to deal with that. Would he have been able to kill the one he was now closer to than any other? He gave fervent thanks that he had not been forced to make the decision.
***
Scott's reports were gloomy. The alien had drained the engines and the fastest they would be able to go -until the re-energisation process could be completed -would be warp one. If they remained in orbit for two days, the work could be done. Kirk weighed the situation. Not only the engines had been affected but long-range communications as well. Other systems were slowly returning to normal.
"Begin repairs, Mr Scott," he said. "Warp one is much too slow, this distance from a starbase, and I need subspace communications. This work must be done round the clock. Get anyone who can be spared onto it."
"Aye, sir, but I could do with Mr Spock's help."
"I don't know when he'll be fit for duty." He looked at the ground as his uncertainty and weariness bore him down. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up.
"Mr Spock is a fine lad, and resilient," Scott reassured. "Dinna worry. I've seen him bounce back from many a crisis.
"Thanks, Mr Scott."
"Scotty, please."
"Scotty," Kirk said, with a smile. Kirk went to sickbay where McCoy reported on his patients. "All of their injuries are healing nicely and only Ensign Lee is still in a serious condition, but I'm confident he'll recover. I'm more concerned about the shocks they received. They'll all need further treatment for that."
"I thought I was going to lose more of them. I've lost so many already."
"Jim, our life is a dangerous one; you have to accept that."
"I know, and I do." Kirk blinked with weariness. "How is Spock?"
They made their way to a private cubicle where Nurse Chapel stood by the Vulcan's bed, monitoring him. "I don't know, Jim," McCoy said. "His readings are way off the Vulcan norm. I don't know if that's because he's ill or if it's to do with his unique physiology. There's very little - apart from the various medicals he's undergone - to help me. I don't know what's wrong with him and I daren't give him any medication."
"It's not physical," Kirk said, and proceeded to tell him what had happened on Athos.
McCoy stared in amazement. "Well, Jim, if its some kind of psi shock, all we can do is monitor him and hope he comes out of it himself."
"Surely there's something you can do...Surely the previous medical staff - Boyce or Piper must have left notes or something."
"The medical library has nothing whatsoever on the Vulcan mind-meld. Hell, I've never even heard of it before now. How am I to treat something I know nothing about? Damn Vulcan privacy.."
Kirk was angry at McCoy's attitude. "Are you a doctor or aren't you? You've treated non-humans before."
"Sure but not Vulcans. They prefer their own doctors," McCoy retaliated.
"Bones..." Kirk murmured, in despair now.
McCoy seemed to soften at his pain. "I'm sorry, Jim. I just don't know what to do for him!"
Three days later, Spock was still unconscious. Every free moment he had, Kirk visited sickbay. He fretted over his friend's condition and McCoy could not give him any answers. The doctor had sent to Vulcan and starbase twenty six for advice but subspace communications were still not working at optimum levels and they were many light years from Federation space. It might take days or even weeks for an answer.
The ship was headed towards starbase twenty six - which was the nearest Federation complex to them - but the engines were still not functioning at top efficiency and warp three was the best speed they could sustain until they could access the repair facilities of the base. To make it worse, Scott had warned that he couldn't guarantee the engines could remain constant at warp three.
Kirk pushed his crew hard until he realised that they were all giving their best and didn't need him to pressurise them further. They all knew about Spock. The Vulcan was respected and admired by his ship-mates. The Enterprise would reach the base as soon as humanly possible. Uhura and her staff had been working round the clock to fix the system but it was proving to be very difficult. Soon, though, even their damaged communications systems would be in range. If they were in luck, there might be a Vulcan healer on the base. Kirk didn't care to think of the alternative. He didn't think he could cope with such a loss.
***
Kirk stood by his first officer's sickbay bed. The Vulcan lay, as if he was in a coma, and there had been no change for days. The only hope McCoy could give him was that Spock would recover naturally but Kirk instinctively knew that the doctor was wrong. Every time he had come here, Kirk had tried touching Spock's fingertips. No matter how deeply he had concentrated, there had been no response. Kirk knew he had reached the Vulcan before, on the planet, even when Spock had virtually been catatonic. Why could he not reach him now?
McCoy watched Kirk touch his fingertips to Spock's. Jim had briefly told him about it but McCoy wondered if his captain had really contacted Spock before. Kirk, in his desperation, might have imagined it. It was more likely to have been some Vulcan ability that Spock had been able to call on. McCoy couldn't understand Kirk's attachment to the Vulcan but he respected his young captain and he was beginning to learn about the uncanny psi-powers that the first officer had at his disposal. It made him uneasy. He was a doctor, not a telepathic healer as Vulcan doctors were reputed to be.
As yet, there had bee no replies to his messages. He didn't expect any for another few days; that is if there were any healers on the base. If his messages had been re-routed all over the galaxy until they reached Vulcan then he wondered if it might not be too late for Spock. The Vulcan was in a critical condition. His breathing was virtually non-existent, his heartbeat too slow, and his life-signs incomprehensible by any standard, even his last medical. Why didn't he know more about the medical requirement of the first officer?
Kirk was sweating with the effort of trying to initiate a link. He was getting nowhere and could have wept with frustration. "Spock, why are you not responding? I reached you before. Are you even aware of me?" His voice broke and he lowered his head. He must regain control. "Spock, don't you remember me? You must. We are bound in friendship, never to be broken. I am and always shall be your friend."
McCoy, caught up in the intensity of Kirk's words, cleared his throat and tried to speak. Chapel, who stood next to him, wept unashamedly. McCoy placed an arm around her.
"You healed me. Don't you remember, Spock? You gave me strength and saved my life on Athena. You protected me and controlled my pain. I need you now, Spock. Wake up, Spock. Please. Try."
The voice intruded again into the deep nothingness, in which Spock floated. This compelling voice had reached him at another time. He focussed on it. 'I am and always shall be your friend.' Those words transfixed and energised him. He listened carefully and recognised who called him. It was Jim, his t'hy'la, his bond-brother. He struggled in the darkness, knowing that if he did not respond and break free, then he would surely die. He tried to answer, 'I will try,' for he did not want to die. He must not. He must live for the one who had become his t'hy'la and his responsibility. He could not leave him alone and bereft. They had known one another for such a short time.
Kirk sat on the bed, knowing that he must rouse Spock before it was too late. He didn't know how he knew this, only that he did. He closed his eyes and concentrated deeper than ever before. A charge of something like electricity went through his hand and the link activated itself. Relief flooded through him and he shut out everything but the two of them.
"Spock, come out of it now. Please, I beg you, my friend, my brother, acknowledge me. Spock, come to me, now."
Jim, he heard inside his head.
"Spock?" he asked, tentatively, unsure if he's imagined it or not.
Spock's eyes opened and he looked at Kirk. "How the hell did you do that?" McCoy exclaimed, almost pushing Kirk aside to study the readings.
Spock was too exhausted to verbally speak with Kirk and the link, although powerful, was a difficult route to mind-speech with a non-telepath. He raised a hand towards Kirk's face but stopped when he saw the puzzlement his action had caused. He hesitated, silently asked permission, and to his own surprise saw Jim consenting with a slight nod of the head. Without another worry, he touched the contact point's on Jim's face and entered into his mind.
Kirk caught his breath, and closed his eyes. So that was what Spock had been asking. He hadn't been sure. He remained very still; waiting.
Thank you, for bringing me out, his Vulcan friend said. In a relatively short time, it would have been impossible even for a healer to recall me.
What happened to you, Spock?
I was caught by the death throes of the planet-entity. The shock brought me close to death; only you saved me. Only one who is my t'hy'la, my bond-brother, could manage such a feat. I owe you my life, Jim, although I am at a loss as to how you accomplished it for you are almost psi-null.
It was desperation, Spock. Sheer human desperation.
Exhaustion overcame Spock and he lost the metal contact with Kirk. He was able, though, to raise an eyebrow at that last remark; drawing a laugh from his friend.
"Rest now. Sleep," Jim said. "I need you get well. I need my first officer by my side." Kirk stood, and smiled as Spock obeyed him and settled into a deep sleep. "Good," he murmured.
McCoy was studying the scanners. "As far as I can tell he's sleeping normally. Jim, what the..."
"Excuse me," Kirk interrupted. "I have a lot to attend to." He strode out of sickbay before he could be questioned for he didn't want to answer about things he didn't himself understand.
Once in his quarters, he poured himself a drink. He had been in telepathic contact with Spock and that gave him the strangest of feelings. The one private place he had was his mind and that privacy had just been lost. He swallowed his drink then poured another. He had consented, that was for sure. Also he could not help but think that they had been in some kind of non-verbal communication before. Surely during the healing meld on Athena, and when on the same day Spock had eased his terror and horror of the alien's brutal attacks on his men. Surely the tingling sensation of the friendship bond, t'hy'la Spock called it, was also a telepathic link. Spock must have reached his mind that way as well.
Friendship with a Vulcan... Well, he had known that the rules would be quite different but he had not been prepared for the mental intimacy that was forming, and that had been so easily slipped into. He lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. How could he handle such a closeness? How could the emotion-suppressing Vulcan? There were so many disturbing questions to be answered but he wondered if he would be able to even ask them of the reticent first officer. He caught a sudden glimmer of Spock's dilemma when he had been faced with this compatibility between them. How had he coped? How were they both to maintain personal privacy in such a relationship?
Kirk was not a believer in fate, yet he wondered about the strange incidents that had befallen them. It seemed like their lives were inextricably bound up together. They had been drawn to one another and even Spock didn't deny that any more. What was in store for them? How was he to handle a relationship with a telepath? He couldn't avoid the Vulcan; didn't believe he wanted to, but when their friendship strayed into telepathic communication it disturbed him. He wondered why. Was he afraid that he might not stand up to such close scrutiny? That his faults, his weaknesses, would distress Spock and repel him.
It was difficult to sort out his feelings. Had the mind-meld been unpleasant? Had he felt violated in any way? He recalled it in every detail. It had been warm, there had been an awareness of the other, a togetherness of some sort. There had been no unpleasantness, nor violation, for he had consented but someone in his mind, knowing his thoughts! He shivered a little, suddenly feeling cold.
The door chime sounded. "Come in," he said, and frowned as Gary entered.
"I came to see if you were okay," Mitchell said, walking over to him. "I hear you brought Mr Spock out of a coma."
Kirk grimaced. "News travels fast."
Mitchell grinned. "Especially news about the captain and the mysterious Mr Spock. Did he really go into a mind-link with you?"
Kirk swung his legs from the bed and stood up. He walked to his outer office and picked up a report. "I'm busy, Gary." The last thing he needed was anyone prying into such a personal matter.
Gary had followed him out. "Jim, you used to talk to me."
Kirk looked at him. "I have nothing to talk about."
"With me," Gary added. "That's the difference. I don't blame you. You can't trust me; I understand that. Hey, I want to thank you for letting me go on the landing party."
Kirk nodded, then smiled a little, aware of the other's insecurity. "Gary, old friend, don't push me. I've a lot on my mind right now and I just can't talk about it to anyone right now. I gotta get some sleep. Take over from Mr Scott and look after my ship for me."
Gary's happiness was plain to see. "Yes, Captain. Thank you."
Once Mitchell had gone, Kirk returned to his bed. He was weary but his mind was too active and he couldn't sleep. His thoughts kept returning to the link and the intimacy involved in such communication. Always such a private person, his initial reaction was fear at having been read at a level that he was not sure he wanted known. Yet, he considered Spock who was the most reticent person he had ever met. How could Spock deal with such a contact? Kirk jumped up, paced the floor, but could find no answers to the dilemma. He tried exercise, meditation, he took a shower, but nothing worked. His confusion and agitation persisted.
Finally, he went to sickbay and sat by the sleeping Vulcan. McCoy began to speak but was silenced by Kirk's warning glance and left them alone. Kirk sat there and soon he found himself relaxing. As he realised this, he decided that he didn't care how mentally close he and Spock became. It was good for him, and hopefully for the Vulcan. He had sought out Vulcan friendship and would abide by its rules, no matter how strange. Spock would never abuse that friendship in any way; Kirk knew that for certain. If Spock could accept their relationship then he could do no less. He would learn to understand it all.
Spock woke with a start. He had been drawn into the planet-being's death. Her dying mind had caught him in its grasp and he struggled to disassociate himself from it. He had only partly succeeded and had fallen into a state of shock, so deep, from which few had ever returned. Only Jim's persistence had recalled him from his own death.
"Spock, you're safe now," a familiar voice said.
He turned to the direction the voice was coming from and saw the blurred outline of his friend. He blinked; trying to clear his vision. He had been dreaming... Gradually, Jim's concerned face came into focus.
"Can you speak?" Jim asked.
Spock recalled how he had briefly gone into mind-link with the human. He had asked, and Jim had given permission even though unsure of what he had given consent for. Spock knew that he should never have entered into the link. Even in their short contact, he had been aware of Jim's alarm at his loss of privacy. Shame overcame Spock. Even using the upper levels used for mind-speech, he should never have attempted it.
He searched Jim's face and aura for any signs of anger, disquiet, fear or revulsion, but saw none of those. There was only concern. "I am able to speak, sir," he said, in a hoarse voice. He tried to clear his throat but found he could scarcely swallow.
"You were out for so long. I feared for your life," Kirk said.
"You drew me back to life, and I repaid you by invading your privacy. I was not myself. I ask your pardon, sir. It will not happen again."
Spock's confusion increased at Kirk's unconcerned smile. "I was aware that you were asking for my permission, Spock," the human said.
"You could not have known what for," Spock insisted. "It was an unforgivable breach of..."
"Nonsense," Kirk interrupted. "Listen, Spock, I've taken you on as my friend. I accept all your foibles, abilities, differences, as you've accepted mine. Can I do any less? You've dealt with my moods and emotions even though it must be painful for you to endure. If you needed to talk to me and could not vocalise, then you were perfectly entitled to communicate in any way you could." He leaned forward, gazing earnestly at Spock. "I admit it's quite something to get used to but I do accept it. I've already told you that I accept friendship with you on your terms, and will enter into mind-contact if that's what you want. I believe we've been communicating in several different ways already. Am I right?"
Spock tried to restrain his surprise from showing. Jim's intuition was uncannily accurate. "Yes, Captain, you are correct."
Aware of Spock's near-the-surface emotion, Kirk sat back. If he had been with anyone else, he'd have given some kind of physical comfort. He was unsure, though, if Spock would welcome even his touch, despite the obvious shaken condition he was in. How could he be so close to someone, yet so unsure of him? He tried to concentrate on his words. "When you healed me, when we touched in the friendship link, during the relaxation, these were all times when we communicated." As he spoke he realised just what it implied. An empathic, telepathic union! It was odd though. How could Vulcans, who denied all emotion, enter into such a close relationship?
"I do not understand it, Captain, but it exists hence it must be accepted." Spock's voice was none too steady.
Damn this fear of not knowing the right thing to do; being afraid of upsetting Vulcan sensibilities. He could see how uncertain Spock was. How could he help him? The answer made itself known and he smiled. "Spock, touch my mind again." This time he'd be prepared. He wanted to experience the meld again. Spock's eyes widened but he didn't speak. Kirk got the impression that he couldn't. He closed his eyes and awaited the touch of warm fingers on his face. Willing himself to relax he accepted the now familiar presence.
Spock?
I am here, Captain.
I'm not afraid of this.
Indeed, Captain, you are not.
Kirk knew that was true. There was nothing to fear in this joining of minds. It was not unpleasant; it was unthreatening; it was like being afloat on a lake during a warm summer's evening. At peace; relaxed; content. Not alone - never alone.
You are a dreamer, Spock said, his mind-voice warm.
One of my faults, I'm afraid. A minor one. Spock, will you be all right? I want to help you and don't know how.
I shall recover, Jim. You were able to reach me when I had withdrawn so deeply that no-one else would have been able to recall me. We are bound together in the ancient way of t'hy'la. It is said that it is a difficult but rewarding partnership. Even amongst true telepaths it takes many years of learning to understand its full potential.
I'm willing to work at it if you are, Spock.
Indeed, Captain but I must withdraw now. I am fatigued. I thank you for your willingness to help me. You are truly an exceptional being. I shall sleep now and you must also rest.
Kirk was suddenly unwilling to leave the meld. Spock...
Please do no ask for more, Jim. I ask for your understanding. Please know that I am grateful to you and honour you above all others.
Unable to refuse that request, and touched by the Vulcan's regard for him, Kirk consented to ending the meld. He opened his eyes and was alone again. That felt strange; empty. He met Spock's eyes. No, not alone, not fully, not like he'd been in the past. With Spock by his side, he would never be alone again. He felt much better now, able to relax and sleep.
He touched Spock's shoulder, knowing that the Vulcan would accept that from him. "As soon as you've recovered, I want to hear that lecture," he said. "I want to be able to understand the theory this time.
"I shall endeavour to simplify it even further," Spock replied, deadpan.
Kirk caught his breath. Was the Vulcan being insolent? No. Was he attempting humour? No. Was he teasing? Surely not. He grinned. "I'll endeavour to understand it then."
Spock, his thoughts in a turmoil, watched him leave. How had it been possible for Jim, a non-telepath, to have reached him on three separate occasions? He searched his memory for the ancient tales of the t'hy'la of legend. Some had been particularly close; exceptionally attuned to one another. Could he and Jim be such a pair? In these times, it was very rare even amongst Vulcans so how was it possible between a half-Vulcan and a human? Spock feared he was becoming too close to his captain. He was unsure if it was because of his Vulcan or human heritage but at the moment that was unimportant. He needed to retreat behind Vulcan shields for he could not allow himself the luxury of such an open friendship. Yet, he marvelled at Jim's persistence and courage. How could a human accept his mind being entered so easily? How could one, so afraid of being dominated by another, ask for another meld and be so comfortable with it?
Vulcans were, in many ways, superior to humans but Spock knew that Kirk commanded him and not only by his rank as captain. It was also by his personality, his charisma and willpower. There was no-one, Spock respected or admired more. He would never value another as he did Kirk. He would be his captain's advisor and friend but did not know how he would survive in the manner he had done during his years amongst humans. Kirk had caused a change in him. He would have to find another way of coping or else his human side would find a way to dominate him.
***
The ship's theatre was full for Spock's first lecture. Mitchell, sitting next to Kirk, had only attended because Jim had requested it. As he looked around the audience he wondered why so many others were there. His eyes lingered on the gorgeous Lt. Ben-Levi, a junior science officer, then he frowned and glanced around again. The women outnumbered the men! Not all of them were in the science section and it seemed odd that they were here.
He turned to the young science officer. "Rachel, I can understand you being here but all those young ensigns and yeomen..."
Her smile was an enigmatic one. "Mr Spock is an interesting speaker."
"As interesting as a block of ice," Gary countered.
"Ice melts," she replied.
Kirk chuckled and Mitchell faced him. "What did she mean?" he murmured, as Spock entered the room and mounted the platform.
"I'd imagine that to the opposite sex, Spock would be something of a challenge," Kirk responded.
"You mean that women find him attractive?" Mitchell asked, in disbelief.
"I'd say that was obvious," Kirk replied. Mitchell studied the Vulcan, seeing his sharp features and cold manner. Of all the males in this ship, how could women find Spock attractive? He looked over the audience again noting that all female eyes were riveted to the Vulcan. The excitement in the atmosphere could be sensed.
"Good evening, Captain Kirk, and all attending," Spock said, in a formal tone. "I welcome you to a lecture on a subject I trust you will find of interest." Spock controlled his nervousness. Had he simplified the theory enough for those non-scientists in the audience? Would he be able to hold their attention? Had he made the lecture interesting enough for them? Having attended many lectures himself, Spock had never understood why human lecturers resorted to using humour. Surely, the subject being taught was of sufficient interest to the students? Yet, he had also noted that humans, at lectures given by Vulcan teachers, often became bored and uninterested. Spock vowed to himself that his talk would not be received in that way. Jim, having an interest in the theory himself, had asked him to explain the details. Spock decided to speak as if he were talking to Jim alone. He took a deep breath and began.
Mitchell watched the audience but didn't listen to the speaker. To his amazement he noted that they were intent on the lecture, and Jim too seemed to be enjoying it. He couldn't believe this. What did everyone find so fascinating?
Once Spock had finished there was a loud burst of applause. Spock kept his surprise from showing outwardly and, when silence reigned again, he asked for questions. He was not expecting any and the fact that there were some surprised him further. He answered them as clearly as possible. Once he was finished, Kirk went onto the stage. He smiled, with approval, at Spock then faced the audience.
"I would like to thank Mr Spock for his intriguing and illuminating lecture. It will be preserved in the library banks for reference. I hope that Mr Spock will consider further lectures and honour us with the sharing of his ideas and great knowledge."
Spock bowed, pleased with the praise he had just received. "Indeed, sir."
"Excellent," Kirk said, and waited with Mitchell until the others had left.
"Mr Mitchell," Spock said, "you found my lecture uninteresting."
As Mitchell flushed, Kirk spoke, "Gary never had the patience for lectures. He's a fool, though, not to have listened to yours."
"I only came here because you asked me to," Mitchell retaliated.
"I won't ask again. You insult our speaker by not paying attention."
"You know me. You're quite aware that I don't like lectures. What made you think I'd enjoy this one?"
Kirk's face darkened at the other man's insolent tone. "I just thought you'd like to use your brain for once."
Mitchell flushed with anger. "And you're so damn perfect, Captain Kirk. You never used to be..."
"Just what the hell are you saying?" Kirk snapped.
"Just because you have to be perfect in the eyes of the crew, doesn't mean that I have to. I'm not you, nor am I Commander Spock. I'm not perfect. I don't want to be either. You've become a real bore, Jim, d'you know that?"
Kirk clenched his fists, readying to lash out, when his arm was caught from behind in the vice-like grip he now knew well. He released the breath he'd been holding then unclenched his hands, half-turned to meet the Vulcan's gaze then smiled a little. Spock released him then turned his powerful stare on Mitchell.
The navigator flinched, then suddenly recalled Spock's words about putting the captain first, and about the responsibility of being his friend. Insulting Jim and arguing with him in this way was not exactly the friendly thing to do. "I apologise to you, Captain, and to Mr Spock. You're right. I am a fool. Permission to leave, sir. I'll listen to the lecture in my cabin."
Kirk grinned a little and nodded.
"Mr Mitchell, please contact me if you have any questions," Spock said.
"Thanks. I appreciate that, sir."
"Gary, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to anger you," Kirk said.
With an embarrassed grin, Mitchell went over to him. "It doesn't take much, Jim. You know that."
Kirk laughed and pulled his old friend into a hug. After a few seconds, Gary stepped back and left the room. Spock could not understand the odd friendship between Kirk and Mitchell. Why did they always argue? Why were they so fond of one another? Why did humans always feel the need for physical contact?
"You seem confused, Spock." Kirk's voice startled him.
Spock was sure he had not revealed anything by his expression but he did not deny his captain's words. "Your friendship with Mr Mitchell is peculiar, sir. Why do you always argue?"
"Personality clash, maybe. The human male is in many ways a primitive being. It's difficult for Gary to accept my new rank and to accept you as being my confidant."
"Me!" Spock exclaimed.
"Yes, you, my friend."
" I do not wish to come between you and Mr Mitchell, sir."
"I know, and I try not to shut Gary out," Kirk said, wearily. "The problem is that I've had to change and he's not."
"I am confident that he is attempting to improve himself," Spock reassured.
Kirk hoped that he was right. "I enjoyed your talk and... I did understand it. Tell me, how much did you have to simplify it, and was that hard for you?"
Spock was unsure whether to tell him or not. He should be truthful, as Vulcans strove to be, but he had seen just how easily and quickly that Kirk could be roused to anger, and did not want it directed at him. The force of Kirk's feelings was too painful for him and anger was one of the most powerful of human emotions.
"Well," Kirk demanded. "Don't spare my feelings."
Spock clasped his hands behind his back and braced himself. "It took many hours to simplify, sir. It is a complex theory and one, only a specialist could understand fully. Much was lost due to the simplification but I...." He trailed off under Kirk's amused look.
"I see, Mr Spock. Well, let me assure you that I appreciated it and I believe other members of the audience did as well. You didn't talk down to us, I'm glad to say, and who knows, maybe in a year or two we might be able to comprehend some of the more difficult parts of the theory."
Spock cleared his throat. "Indeed, sir."
Kirk laughed at his discomfiture, unable to resist teasing him at times.
In silence, they made their way to the gymnasium for a work out. Once in the changing rooms Kirk asked, "How long before we reach the Aldebaren colony?"
"Four point six hours, sir."
"Four point six hours," Kirk repeated in amusement.
"That is what I said, sir. Why do you repeat it?"
Kirk shrugged. How to explain the humour he often found in Spock's behaviour? "Oh, just a habit. Well, Spock, after we pick up personnel at the colony its our most exciting mission of all. The galactic barrier..."
"Indeed, it should prove interesting, sir. I have been fine-tuning the sensors for maximum efficiency."
"So that's why I've hardly had a civil word out of you for days," Kirk teased.
Spock frowned. "Captain, I do not understand."
"I'm only teasing, Spock," Kirk explained.
The Vulcan's eyebrow climbed. "That is illogical, sir."
"I know, I know," Kirk responded with a slight grin. He indicated the doorway. "Shall we, my teacher?"
"If you wish, my student," Spock replied, impulsively.
He stopped, shocked by his words. Where was Vulcan decorum? Such informality was scandalous! His face heated at Jim's delighted laughter and confusion spread through him. He needed to draw away from the closeness of his relationship with Jim for he was at times speaking before thinking first. He was dropping his guard too much. Suddenly realising that he was standing still, while Jim was at the gymnasium door, he followed his captain inside. He started on some rigorous warm-up exercises and it was several minutes before he realised that they were alone. It was not their usual practise time and their usual audience was missing. Spock had often wondered why so many people watched them but had never asked.
"What will your next lecture be about?" Kirk asked.
"My next lecture?" Spock asked in surprise.
"Surely you will enlighten us on yet another fascinating subject."
"I had not given it any thought, sir," he replied.
"Then do so," Jim said. "You're an interesting speaker and I like to see my crew take an interest in further education." He came over and stood in front of Spock. "Who better to teach them than the science officer."
"Very well, sir." Spock was warmed by the compliment. "I had not considered that so many of the crew would be interested in complex scientific theories."
Kirk grinned. He didn't think that, at first, the majority of the audience had been the least bit interested. They had been curious and also, he was quite aware that the female contingent of his crew found Spock attractive. Kirk was used to the admiration of women and recognised it easily enough. Spock, of course, had no such awareness. He was, in some ways, an innocent.
"Are we ready?" Kirk asked.
"Affirmative," the Vulcan replied.
Kirk tried his best but he was unable to move Spock's strength. As he was tossed onto the mat for the umpteenth time, he reflected that in an all-out fight using dirty street-fighting tactics and with some luck it might just be possible to bring the Vulcan down. However, Tzunarr was a highly disciplined martial art and the rules had to be observed.
He struggled to his feet, closed his eyes and sighed. Although he had been practising his relaxation he was getting no closer to achieving even a fraction of it. Why was he unable to master it? Did he lack the mental strength? The discipline to succeed? He concentrated as hard as he could, imagining the power of his ship surrounding him; her engines, her warp core. He reached out and felt it suffuse his whole body. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes to see Spock watching him. He smiled then grabbed Spock's wrists in an attempt to block the next throw. He held his ground as strength seemed to rise from deep within. He felt more empowered than he had ever been before and, with a sudden deft and finely balanced move, he threw the Vulcan onto the mat. He stared down at Spock in astonishment. That Vulcan strength had wavered ever so slightly and he had seized the advantage. After all this time he had done it. He had thrown Spock at last...
Delighted, he jumped into the air, like a schoolboy, and cried out in victory.
Spock lay on his back and watched him. He was pleased at Jim's success but this reaction was incomprehensible. Truly, the more he knew Jim the less he understood him.
"I did it, Spock. I did it!" Kirk knelt over the confused Vulcan, grabbed Spock's shoulders and shook them. "I did it!" He sat back on the startled first officer and started to laugh. "I can't believe it." He closed his eyes, revelling in the achievement he had worked so hard for.
Bemused, Spock stared up at this human who was his friend. Why was Jim sitting upon him? Why had he jumped into the air? Were these some strange human customs Spock was unfamiliar with? He wondered what to do. In all his years in the fleet he had never had to deal with such an odd situation.
Kirk's face was relaxed and happy. Spock could sense his delight. He decided to remain still and quiet so as to allow Jim to take the lead in this illogical behaviour. It was obvious that there was much still to learn about humans...
Suddenly, Jim came down to Earth. He opened his eyes, met Spock's curious gaze, and flushed deeply. What must the dignified Vulcan think of him? He scrambled away, lost his balance and sprawled out on his face. Sheer embarrassment overcame him as he sat up, not knowing where to look, feeling like some immature and gawky adolescent.
A hand came into his field of vision. Kirk swallowed and looked up to see Spock standing now, his arm outstretched. With an unsure half-smile Kirk clasped the Vulcan's wrist and was yanked to his feet with powerful strength.
"Well done, Jim," Spock said. "However, this strange behaviour. What does it mean?"
Kirk laughed then scratched his head. "I'm not sure how to explain. I was so pleased at finally being able to throw you that I got a little over exuberant. Um, that's about it. I'm sorry if I startled you - I mean if you were shocked." He bit his lip and looked down. That explanation sounded lame even to his own ears. Spock raised his eyebrow and struggled, barely succeeding, to control the smile that threatened to break out. By the time Kirk looked at him again, the momentary crisis had been contained. He wondered at his captain, so mature and responsible yet so young and even boyish at times. What an unusual and complex man, Kirk was. Because of him, Spock's quiet and orderly life was gone for ever now. Life under Captain Kirk's command was not going to be an ordinary one and Spock knew that he would never regret being first officer and friend to this man. He did wonder though, and not for the first time, how he would survive in such an unpredictable friendship.
He forced himself back into the role of instructor. It was difficult for Jim's peculiar behaviour had rocked his control. Before he knew it he had been thrown again. Shocked, he scrambled to his feet and stared down into his friend's laughing face. What had he unleashed? Smiling inwardly, he was pleased that he had now achieved what he had set out to do. Give Jim a fighting chance to survive against far stronger opponents. Now he must maintain the training and help Jim to toughen physically beyond his norm. With dedication and practise Jim would achieve a goal that few, if any, humans would achieve.
Spock held out his arms, prepared this time for the next onslaught.
He hoped...
The end
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