The T'Varon Chronicles.

(An alternate universe series)

Part 1 - A Touch of Compassion.

Prologue

As I travelled to Vulcan, I wondered what awaited me on this, my new assignment aboard the USS T'Varon, a starship where I would be the only human amongst four hundred and twenty nine Vulcans. I still could scarcely believe my luck at being selected from the many thousands of applicants, to become the first non-Vulcan to serve on an all-Vulcan ship. My friends had warned me against going; as they believed it would prove impossible for me to live amongst cold emotionless beings.

For those of you who know little about the situation, I must give some background. Starfleet has its Vulcan wing. It was a requirement insisted upon by the Vulcan council and is one of the earliest and most stringently kept of Federation regulations. Lately, it had become increasingly disapproved of by other members

In a heated debate of the Federation council, Vulcans were accused of prejudice. Sarek, the Vulcan ambassador replied. "I do not understand. Vulcans do not comprehend therefore we do not practise prejudice. All people are equal in our eyes."

The Terran ambassador spoke next. "You do not permit members of other species on your ships. Many diverse beings work together in the rest of the fleet. Each contributes his or her own skills to the well-being of all. Their diversity is a strengthening force."

"The indisputable fact of superior mental and physical capabilities of my species, places other species at a disadvantage," Sarek said. "We do not wish to cause distress to others."

The other Federation ambassadors put their collective weight behind the Terran representative and after many hours of argument, Sarek made a concession. He would present their case to the Vulcan council.

No-one knew what was said in the privacy of that meeting nor what margin of agreement there was to let a non-Vulcan into their fleet, but on his return Sarek reported that, for one solar year, one carefully chosen officer would be permitted to serve aboard a Vulcan starship. I have no idea why they chose me over so many better qualified people. I am not particularly outstanding, although since my graduation from the academy I have risen rapidly to reach the rank of Lt Commander, at age twenty seven, and was first officer on my last ship, the survey vessel - USS Claudette. I am reasonably good at diplomacy and have received commendations for my work in that area, I have been awarded medals for bravery but place little value on them. What use are they, when men and women around me have died in pointless battles. I was just lucky. I survived. Of more meaning to me are my modest achievements in encouraging new races into the Federation. The importance of all species living in harmony cannot be over stressed. It is the only way our galaxy will survive.

One of my better areas is in command. I have Admiral Nogura's promise that if I am successful in this mission, I will have my dream, my ambition in life, and the captaincy of that most powerful and beautiful of vessels - a constellation class starship.

Gary Mitchell, who is my closest friend, believes that I am plain stupid to want to serve with a species known to be the most cold-blooded in the know galaxy. I have never subscribed to the notion that those remote and beautiful people are totally without feeling. We just don't know enough about them. I want to bridge the gap between us.

All alien life is interesting but Vulcans are special. I have studied everything available about them and am impressed. Their logic and dedication to peace is a lesson to us all. I admire their many achievements in the sciences and mathematics. They, more than any others, have helped humans to a better way. Yet it is a curious enigma that people with so called - lack of emotion - should have been instrumental in the founding of the Federation. Surely, to have set up such compassionate laws for the good of all must mean they feel something. If I am wrong and they really are emotionless, then I have a difficult task ahead of me. How can one have interpersonal relationships - essential for shipboard life - with beings who cannot or will not accept emotion.

My final interview was before a panel of distinguished Vulcan officers. I won't forget their precise inflectionless voices, relentless probing questions and cold manner. I felt like a schoolboy, a child before his elders, inadequate and insecure. I left convinced that I had failed miserably.

Something must have impressed them about me, for to my surprise, the legendary Sarek summoned me to his office. He has single-handedly resolved many different conflicts that have defeated lesser diplomats. He is a remarkable man. I stood before him, trying not to be intimidated, as he told me that I had been chosen. I wanted to jump for joy but restrained myself.

"You will serve aboard the USS T'Varon," he said, in a gentle, educated voice. "Much responsibility lies upon your shoulders, Kirk. You represent all humanity."

I stood to attention and tried not to tremble. The T'Varon was the legendary ship that had opened out the Castalian system, two years ago. They had encountered and defeated the immense telepathic power of the malevolent Rynami. The T'Varon's captain and science officer had received Starfleet's highest honour. If any other ship had met the Rynami, it would have been destroyed. Only telepaths could have battled such a menace.

"I am determined to succeed, sir," I replied. "It is my belief that integrated ships are vital to the Federation."

Was there a glimmer of understanding on his face? "Indeed," he responded. "I wish you well."

Realising that I was dismissed, I turned on my heel and left.

After that everything happened quickly. I was given orders to be on Vulcan in three days. Speed teaching is not the best way to learn any language but there was no time to use any other way. It would be enough to start with but it would take a while for me to understand and use the nuances of the language. During this journey to Vulcan, I sweated at the complexity of the phrasing and inflection. So little could change the meaning of many words. I only hoped that I wouldn't make a complete fool of myself before learning how to avoid such pitfalls.

Science Officer

Vulcans have travelled Space for many more centuries than humans. Vulcan Space Central was like a magical place, for ships had arrived and departed here even before Earth-men had crossed the Atlantic Ocean! What a humbling thought for any human. The station was full of the latest technology, some of it, I'm sure, unknown on other Federation worlds. It was here I was to await the guide who would escort me to the T'Varon.

Unfortunately, reporters from the Federation news services were here also. My appointment was of interest to the public and, despite my reservations about it all, Nogura had assured me that it was important that I made a good impression. The galaxy watched me and my conduct would reflect on all humans in the fleet. The future of integrated starships depended on me. My mistakes could cause great harm. I didn't much care to think about all that. It was far too terrifying!

"Lt Commander Kirk, please report to transporter room five," the announcement -in standard - came over the intercom.

That was it. My call to make history, my chance to change the status of non-Vulcans in the eyes of this most advanced of species. For a moment all my doubts returned. Was I the right person for the job. Could I cut it? Me, with my impetuous nature, my odd sense of humour and irreverent manner. My need for companionship... I stood up. It was too late now to back out.

I clasped my hands behind my back and made my way to the transporter room. I tried to ignore the ant-grav camera's floating above me, and the reporters chasing after me. How media stars coped with such attention, I'll never understand. I walked as fast as I could, without appearing to hurry, aware that my family, friends, and commanding officers would all be watching. I straightened my chin, and comforted myself with the thought that I would soon be away from prying cameras. I would be aboard the T'Varon, taking up my assignment as her helm officer.

My escort materialised on the platform, just after I entered the transporter room. He was a tall, lean Vulcan male, dark-haired with elegant pointed ears and aristocratic bearing. A perfect example of vulcanoid breeding. His face was expressionless as he stepped down to face me.

"Greetings, Mr Kirk," he said in standard, his voice a deep baritone. "I am Lt Commander Spock, Science Officer of the T'Varon." He inclined his head a little, but did not meet my eyes and just stared at some point over my head. Well, he was taller than me...

I was being honoured. The science officer of any starship was a high ranking position. Amongst Vulcans it was the most coveted post, for a world so rich in scientists, and the most difficult to attain. And, this particular science officer was exceptional. He had been the one instrumental in bringing defeat to the Rynami, for he had invented the technique that had been able to nullify their deadly power.

"Greetings, Mr Spock," I replied, with a slight bow. I could be as courteous as the next person.

He raised his hand in the salute of his people and I matched it as best I could. It wasn't easy, even though I had been practising it. His expression didn't alter. In fact I noted that he was probably the most austere Vulcan I had come across. A shiver of apprehension made its way down my spine.

He clasped his hands behind him. "Captain T'Zen requests that you report for duty, Commander Kirk."

"I come to serve," I said, hoping to have supplied the correct response.

He gave no sign nor hint that I had said the right thing. I tried not to lose heart. He was probably as nervous as I. Well, maybe not. Trying to be friendly, I smiled a little but he ignored me and turning towards the dais, indicated that I should accompany him.

I braced myself, walked over to stand at his side and awaited the order to energise. I looked at the reporters who were covering my departure and for a moment felt a touch of doubt. Was I doing the right thing, by going into the unknown like this. I could be out of my depth on this ship. I threw out my misgivings. There was no time left for any doubts. I was committed to this course of action. It was what I had wanted.

At the familiar sensation of transporter travel, my thoughts turned to Bones who hated - as he put it- having his molecules scrambled up. How I'd miss him, Gary, all my family and friends. We arrived on the ship. Not knowing what to expect, I vowed to accept my new situation with as much dignity as was possible.

"I shall escort you to your quarters, Mr Kirk," Commander Spock said in Vulcan. "Your possessions have already been delivered."

I turned to him. Now was my chance to begin speaking his language. "Thank you, sir."

Apart from the two of us, and the transporter technicians, the room was deserted. I was pleased that I could slip in quietly without the media circus that had surrounded me since my appointment. I had hated every minute of that.

As I followed Mr Spock through the corridors, I noted that everyone nodded a greeting to us - or perhaps it was just to their science officer. I couldn't tell. However, I returned the gesture, as if I was included. Beads of sweat formed above my lips and my tunic began to stick uncomfortably to my back. The heat on this ship was far higher than I was used to. I should have prepared myself for Vulcan normal temperature; it would take me days to become acclimatised.

We entered the turbo-lift and Spock ordered it to deck five. After that he was silent and, as it appeared he was not going to initiate any conversation, I plunged in. "Mr Spock, how long have you served aboard the T'Varon?" I struggled with the unfamiliar language.

"Six point two five years," he intoned.

Well, he sure was precise. "How long have you been her science officer?"

"Six point two five years," he replied.

I was amazed. He was so young. It can be difficult to tell a Vulcan's age but I was almost positive that Spock was not much older than I. How I knew that, I wasn't sure, but my gut instincts are usually accurate.

"You became science officer over six years ago, Mr Spock! You must indeed be an exceptional scientist."

He didn't reply. His eyes were fixed on the lift doors and his whole demeanour seemed to say that he wanted to be left alone. I took a chance and pressed on, even though I was unsure if he would respond. "What other ships have you served on?"

He was silent for a long moment before replying, "The USS T'Mar."

"As a science officer?" I asked.

"Affirmative," his answer came clipped and precise.

The lift doors opened and I followed him, in silence, to my new quarters. The rooms were sparsely furnished but I would soon liven them up with my books and mementoes. In a few days, the place would not be so empty and character-less.

"Are these quarters satisfactory, Mr Kirk?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you, Mr Spock," I replied.

"Very well. In two hours, you will report to the captain's quarters. Our departure from Vulcan Space Central takes place in precisely five point six hours."

He turned to go and I felt a sudden pang of loneliness. He was the only one I had met on my new ship, and although he was remote - even unfriendly - at least he had spoken to me. "Mr Spock." I was unable to suppress the plea for help in my voice.

He stopped, swivelled round to face me and fixed his gaze upon some point on the wall.

"Mr Spock, I do not know how I will adapt to living on this ship. My knowledge of your language is basic as there was only time to use speed-teaching." Why would he not meet my gaze? How could I connect with someone who avoided eye contact. I forced myself to continue. "I know the inadequacies of the method and there is a lot I need to learn. Will someone be assigned to help me in this and other things?"

"I have been assigned to give you the assistance required."

I was startled. The science officer... Not some yeoman whose duty it normally should be! I couldn't understand the reason for giving the task to such a high ranking officer, and one of the heroes of the Rynami encounter to boot. I stared at him, wondering if he found his assignment a demeaning one. It was very possible and, if that were the case then just how should I treat him? It was a tricky situation. Also, strictly speaking, our ranks were the same. Yet, he was the senior officer - science officer - while I was a newcomer, a human, and the unknown. Vulcan discipline was legendary. I had been warned that the easygoing camaraderie of normal Starfleet ships would not be evident here. Stricter rules would apply.

A short time before my departure for Vulcan, I had spoken with Admiral Zaminsky who was one of the few humans to have worked with Vulcans when he and a small group of Starfleet personnel had been involved with the building of the T'Varon. He had warned me that Vulcans were insular beings who did not seem to understand friendship. Their manner was formal and emotionless but they were generous in their assistance to others. They moved amongst other races like some kind of aristocracy and gave nothing personal of themselves. I found this difficult to accept for how could any people work with others without forming some kind of friendly relationship? Surely, no-one could survive alone.

Faced with Spock's coldness, I now wondered if Zaminsky had been right, but I tried again. "Mr Spock, I would appreciate all the help you can give me. I am unsure of my position here." I hesitated, not knowing just how to express my feelings in the Vulcan language. "I am truly alone," I said, in English

I stared down at the desk. I was dejected at my sudden loss of friends and family. What would a Vulcan amongst his own kind know of loneliness. Being alone has always been my greatest fear. I have always been surrounded by people but have often felt a deep well of isolation and wondered who would ease the void. Perhaps no-one could. I suddenly felt foolish and threw out such negative thoughts. I had known that this would be a difficult appointment but I had wanted it. Now that I had succeeded there was no time for hesitation. I would be able to deal with this year on a Vulcan ship. Yet, a nagging doubt remained.

I felt a strange, pricking sensation on my head, like a minute electric shock. I raised my head to meet dark, piercing eyes. I caught my breath. He seemed to look straight into me and read my very thoughts. A shudder passed through me as I recalled that Vulcans were telepaths... Perhaps he could read them! I forced myself to relax, stood my ground, and accepted his penetrating stare. It was difficult. Now I knew why Zaminsky had said that no-one could withstand a Vulcan's scrutiny for they seemed to see into your very soul. Humans, in particular, knowing their own faults only too well, felt themselves being opened up and all their hidden flaws exposed.

I swallowed hard. If he could read me, then so be it. On a ship full of telepaths, it was something I would need to get used to. Yet, his almost hypnotic stare was not aggressive or demanding, or dominating, but curious. I understood that for curiosity is also a human trait. After a few moments, the intensity in his gaze diminished and, although he still watched me, it was not so difficult to bear.

"Ultimately, we are all alone, Mr Kirk," he said, in English.

I gave a start but, of course, he would know many languages. All Vulcans seem to be multi-lingual. "You're right, Mr Spock," I replied. "But one can be alone in many different ways."

"Indeed," he agreed to my surprise.

I studied him a bit more closely and confirmed what I had already suspected. He was very young. Was that the reason he had been chosen to help me settle in? Perhaps, I'd find out one day but in the mean time I needed to try and establish some kind of rapport with him. I glanced around, spied the food selector, and then asked, "Will you join me for coffee?" I must try to be friendly.

"I do not drink coffee, however the selector has been programmed to supply it."

I tried again. "What will you have?"

He hesitated and for a moment I think I saw uncertainty in his eyes. Had I made yet another mistake? Should I have invited him to share a drink with me? It was the human thing to do but was it the Vulcan way? There was so much I had yet to learn about Vulcan customs.

"I will have Simbia, please," he finally said.

I was relieved at his acceptance. "Please be seated," I said and he did so. I had tasted Simbia before. It is a fruit drink, delicious and highly nutritious but I needed coffee. To my delight, I didn't make a fool of myself with the selector. It was more or less normal Starfleet design. I handed him his drink then sat down opposite and sipped at my coffee. It was hot and sweet enough to make me feel a little better. He watched me and I smiled at him. I wondered though, if he was half as curious about me as I was of him.

"It's strange to be here at last," I said. "After my selection, I had to learn everything available about your people. The details are annoyingly brief."

I leaned forward and he gave a slight start, then edged back into his chair. Had he thought me about to touch him? I had more sense than that, but realised that he wouldn't know that. I sat back again. It had been carefully instilled in me. Do not touch a Vulcan. They are telepaths and dislike physical contact. It is a severe intrusion into their privacy. I had a suspicion that I might have some trouble with that one.

"The library computer is at your disposal. If you require anything else you may ask me".

"Thank you," I replied, gratefully.

Suddenly realising that we had been speaking in English, I changed to Vulcan. "I wish to talk in your language at all times, if possible. It is the only way for me to learn it properly. If I can speak it half as well as you do English, I will be satisfied."

"Very well." He ignored my compliment.

I had meant it though. He spoke English perfectly, with clear diction although without much inflection.

"Tell me about the captain. What kind of commander is she?"

"She is an able and experienced commander."

"How long has she been a starship captain?" I wondered.

"Fifteen point three five years."

I could scarcely believe that this Vulcan woman had been a captain even before I had joined the academy. No-one in the Terran fleet remained in command for that long. In fact, the only women who commanded starships were Vulcan. None from other species had yet risen that far. Some men are bothered by women commanding them but it has never caused me any problem. There were female instructors at the academy, and during my career there have been women who have outranked me. A female captain, however, would be a new experience for me.

"Do you like her?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrow in a gesture that could have meant anything. "Your question is illogical. Vulcans do not like or dislike. She is the captain and commands respect and loyalty."

I was taken aback by the sharpness of his tone, and realised afresh just how much there was to learn about Vulcans. I changed the subject. "Who is first officer?"

"Commander Selek."

I was none the wiser. "And you, Mr Spock. Where are you in the chain of command?"

"I am second officer."

Curiouser and curiouser. He sure did outrank me as science and second officer. Why had they given him the menial task of looking after me? It was strange. His answers were so concise and I wished he would open up a little. Yet, I had begun to fear that all Vulcans spoke this way; those who had interviewed me had also been economical with their words.

"Am I keeping you from your duties?"

"I am performing my duties, Mr Kirk," he said, his voice cold.

"What of your duties as science officer?" I persisted for I wanted a clear picture of the situation.

He avoided my eyes. "My schedule has been rearranged."

I laughed a little, without humour. "To help me settle in. Does that annoy you, Mr Spock?"

"Vulcans have no emotions," he reprimanded, his tone harsh. "Annoyance is an emotional response. I do not understand human emotions. You must control them. They are unwelcome on this ship."

It was the longest thing he had said to me, and cold and forbidding as he was, I waited with held breath to see if he would continue. Had I imagined a flicker of something in his expression. To my disappointment he fell silent.

After a few moments silence, he stood up. "I shall return in time to escort you to the captain."

I rose to my feet. I knew that I had offended him in some way and didn't know how to find out my error. How was I to live amongst Vulcans? The officer before me was alien to all I knew. His responses were not human and I didn't understand him. Well, at least I could be polite. "Thank you for helping me, Mr Spock."

"I believe the response is 'You are welcome.' If you will excuse me."

After he had left, I stared at the closed doors for a long, bitter moment. If they were all as cold as he, then my life here would be intolerable. I shrugged my depression away. I must accustom myself to these different standards of behaviour. Self pity was counter-productive.

The first thing I had to do was reduce the temperature in my quarters. That accomplished, I would gradually increase it until I became acclimatised to Vulcan norm. It would take a few days but I would eventually learn to tolerate it. I breathed in the now cooler air then, feeling a bit happier, unpacked my belongings. It didn't take long and I was soon reclining on my bed and flicking through one of my favourite books. 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times' I read. I sincerely hoped that my time aboard the T'Varon would not be the worst of times.

Captain

Captain T'Zen looked up from her computer as Spock and I entered her office. I was startled, not having expected her to be so beautiful. Her vulcanoid heritage enhanced her alien loveliness. Her hair was sleek and dark, like Spock's, but was long and lay loose on her shoulders. Her eyes were black and fathomless like pools of night. Watch yourself, I warned myself. This Vulcan woman was my captain. Although she appeared around thirty she must be much older. I wondered at her true age. She had been captain of this ship for fifteen years; she could be as old perhaps older than my mother.

I stood at attention with Spock close by. His presence there seemed right. Now that was an illogical thought if ever there was one. "Captain, may I present Lt Commander James T Kirk," he said.

"Commander Kirk, welcome aboard," she replied in a surprisingly soft tone.

Her almost friendly welcome heartened me and I bowed my head a fraction as I had noticed other crewmembers do. It seemed that courtesy was important to them. "Thank you, Captain," I replied.

She studied me with careful consideration, her eyes equally as penetrating as Spock's had been earlier. I held still, only too aware that this first impression was very important. I had to show them that a human was willing and able to work with them in their territory. Her gaze was easier to bear than Spock's and I wondered why. She even seemed less severe and I'd swear there was interest showing on her face.

"Are your quarters satisfactory?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you. Captain, I am deeply honoured to have been chosen to serve aboard the T'Varon."

"You were carefully screened, Mr Kirk. However, it is open question as to whether you are the correct choice for the appointment."

She was as blunt as Spock and I tried not to take it personally. "I will do my utmost, Captain. My very best."

"That is expected of Vulcans at all times."

That put me in my place. My best efforts were expected - the Vulcan norm. I should have known. What had I got myself into.

"Commander Spock, you many leave us," she said.

That made me nervous. He had been the one constant since my arrival and I didn't want him to leave despite the lack of communication between us. I glanced at him, searching for some kind of reassurance. For a second, our eyes met then he looked away, bowed to the captain and left.

Captain T'Zen stared at me for a few moments then invited me to sit down. I obeyed and looked at her as she leaned back and clasped her hands together. "Your reputation at helm precedes you. You shall be on bridge duty for one standard month. If you cannot function as part of the bridge team you will be assigned elsewhere on the ship. I expect discipline and obedience from my crew, but I shall consider valid suggestions. Remember though, that the ultimate decisions are mine. Insubordination shall not be tolerated."

She was making herself perfectly clear and I did, in fact, agree with her. Once details and suggestions had been submitted, a captain's decision was final.

"This ship is unlike your previous ones," she continued. "I am sure you will find that out very quickly. You, Mr Kirk, were chosen above all other candidates because you have displayed a mature outlook concerning species other than your own. You have shown respect for all life forms regardless of how strange they might appear and are one of the few who clearly showed a complete lack of prejudice against others."

I began to protest but thought better of it. She had studied my records and had paid me a compliment - I think. And she was my captain. I should not interrupt her. "You will learn that respect for all life is one of the most important beliefs of the Vulcan people. You have that in common with us. It is a start. Have you any questions?"

I had hundreds, most of which had escaped me for the moment except the one uppermost in my mind. "Captain, why is the science officer performing the duties of a yeoman?"

Her answer rocked me to the core. "Mr Spock is half human. I believe that he will be better able to understand you than any other on the ship."

"Half human!" I could not believe it. The Captain - a full Vulcan I assumed - was warmer than he.

"You did not notice?" she asked.

"I certainly did not," I replied.

I swear she almost smiled. "Spock is the best science officer in the fleet. He has overcome considerable obstacles to reach that position. He is a true son of Vulcan yet I believe it will be instructive for him to be in close contact with one of his mother's people. He is very young, as you are. Perhaps you will learn from one another." Learn from that cold, stiff half-Vulcan! I tried to control my shock. I could still scarcely believe that Spock was the son of a Vulcan male and a human woman. I had not even known it was possible for the two species to interbreed.

"Spock shall guide you in all matters until you are familiar with the required protocols. I am confident that you will learn quickly."

I was not quite so confident but tried not to let it show. "Captain, may I ask how you feel having a human aboard your ship."

"Vulcans do not feel, Mr Kirk. I accept what is. You are here at the bequest of Starfleet and the Federation. Much depends on your success here. I wish you well. Dismissed."

I stood up, bowed, and left her quarters. She was right. The future of integrated ships depended on my time here. She appeared to be sympathetic towards me and I was encouraged, for a great deal depended on her attitude to me. Surely the crew would follow her lead and at least give me a fair trial. Spock was the enigma, though. Would he treat me fairly? If he resented his duties as my nursemaid, through his minefield of alien life, then it might be impossible for me to cope.

First Officer

My first shift was an eye-opener. I worked at the helm, confident there as I always am, but aware of the subtle differences between this and any other bridge I'd been on. The atmosphere was cool and efficient and there was no banter, as would have been evident on a human-manned ship. The crew obviously knew each other well despite speaking exclusively on subjects pertaining to their duties. Little was said to me at all. I tried to talk with the navigator, Lt T'Sal, one of the most stunning women I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I suppose I spoke to her in the flirtatious way I would to any attractive woman, but she cut me dead with a piercing look. My ego deflated, I returned my attention to my work. I wondered if all the female crew would show the contempt for me that T'Sal did. If so, my time here would be frustrating and dull.

A horrible premonition of my future on the T'Varon loomed before me; a lone human amongst Vulcans with no friends, no love, no sexual interest. I shuddered and hoped that I was wrong, however I reminded myself that I had suspected that life here might be a bit like this. I had gone into this with eyes wide open.

If I had thought Mr Spock to be cold then I was mistaken. The first officer, Commander Selek, was the coldest fish I had ever met. He made Spock look positively warm. Selek was the chief navigator. He replaced Lt T'Sal; totally ignoring me in the process. Captain T'Zen introduced us but Selek's gaze swept over me as if I was dirt under his feet. Later, though, I caught him looking at me and the hatred there sliced though me like a knife. I didn't know why he should feel this way, and right now didn't care. I only knew I had an enemy here.

At shift's end I left, a sick feeling inside of me. I was alone amongst these Vulcans with no friend and at least one enemy, who was my senior officer and could make life hell for me, if he so chose. Vulcans are renowned for being the gentlest of civilised people, but it was not true of Selek. There was an inner violence about him that I could clearly sense.

During my first weeks on the T'Varon, I lived in almost total isolation. Except on duty, I was rarely spoken to. I found out that Vulcans do not engage in general conversation and I sorely missed the friends I'd left behind. Many times I made an effort and listened in on the complex scientific discussions between various crewmembers. They were always courteous to me and invited me to sit with them, but I barely understood their theories and my newness to the language added to the difficulties.

At meal times there always were empty seats around me until I realised that being a meat - eater (despite it being syntho-meat) on a ship full of vegetarians was not helping my popularity. I stopped eating these dishes, difficult as that was, for my status on the T'Varon was too precarious. I couldn't have them turn from me due to my diet.

I had seen little of Spock. It was my own stupid fault for I had foolishly mentioned that I knew about his human heritage. The moment I saw the flash of anger cross his face, I knew I had made a bad mistake, in bringing up his 'bad blood' as he obviously saw it. I cursed my stupidity but the damage was done and I had no idea how to rectify it. There was now a further barrier between us. He spoke to me only concerning my integration into the life of the ship,. He was polite, efficient and very cool.

My misery and loneliness intensified and I, who had never lacked for friends, now spent most of my off-duty time by myself. I was a stranger here. I tried, I know that I did, but my ship-mates would ever so politely ignore my friendly advances, stare down at me from their usually greater height, and leave me totally demoralised. The worst times were spent alone in my cabin. I would study everything I could find on Vulcan and its people but after a while, I would yearn for company and make my way to the rec room just to be with others.

One evening I saw Spock there, sitting alone, and playing at three-dimensional chess against the computer. We had barely communicated for days and I was unsure of his feelings - if he had any - towards me. It couldn't go on. I had to find a way through to him. Surely he wasn't holding a grudge against me?

"Mr Spock, may I join you?" I asked.

He looked up. "If you wish," he said non-committally.

I sighed with relief. At least he hadn't refused me outright. I sat and studied his game but found it impossible to follow at the speed he was playing. Once he had beaten the computer opponent, I jumped in and asked, "Would you care for a game? I'm not an expert but I've been known to win on occasion."

His eyebrow climbed in that hesitant way. Was he surprised? Perhaps he was. "Very well," he agreed.

I am a moderately good player but I was like a novice with Spock, who out-manoeuvred me in less than five minutes. I didn't quite know how to feel about it. Humiliated? Angry? Maybe I was shocked. I'm not certain.

"Truly humans are of lesser intelligence," a disdainful voice commented.

Startled, I turned round to see Selek standing behind me with contempt plainly showing in his eyes. I stood up and reined in my anger at his tone. "Commander Selek," I said with barely restrained insolence, "I had no idea that you were interested in anything I was doing."

He watched me with open dislike - perhaps animosity is a better word - but I didn't flinch. I wouldn't allow this arrogant bastard to intimidate me. "I am uninterested in anything a human might do," he responded.

The iciness of his hatred left me chilled and furious. What had I done to make such an enemy? Was it only because I was human? How could Vulcans, who were meant to be the most tolerant of all races, harbour such a bigot? If others felt this way then my mission here was bound to fail. With sadness, I wondered about the legendary integrity of the Vulcan people.

Spock rose to his feet. "Commander Selek, to insult a member of another species is unseemly."

I was startled by his defence. He who had been forced to take on a yeoman's duties was taking my side! He - the science officer!

"Humans are inferior to Vulcans in every way," Selek said. I was right. He was prejudiced. So there were Vulcans who harboured resentment towards others regardless of their laws of IDIC. I was saddened. Vulcans, who I had idealistically believed were far too civilised to know prejudice, still had that weakness. Then, it dawned on me that Selek would likely be more resentful of Spock than of me. Spock was the living proof of a union between human and Vulcan. Bigots always hated people of mixed blood.

"It is not a matter of superiority or inferiority. Humans are simply different," Spock said. "Mr Kirk has his own abilities and must not be scorned. It is written in the tenets of Surak, that all life must be respected. Each individual is unique unto himself."

I glanced from one to the other. This was the closest to an argument I had seen since my arrival on the T'Varon. The difference between the two Vulcans was marked. Spock, so young, and slightly built in comparison to the more powerful and mature frame of the first officer, yet Spock was controlled as a Vulcan should be while, aggression barely suppressed exuded from Selek.

"It has been said," I pitched in, "that Vulcans do not serve with other species because they are prejudiced. I did not believe it until now." I smiled at Selek, daring him on. "You are the worst kind of bigot. Even we humans have outgrown such intolerance."

Selek's eyes flashed, and I thought he was about to strike me. I braced myself for the blow but a moment later, Spock's arm brushed mine. It was the first physical contact I had known for so long and it was a soothing balm to my frazzled nerves. I almost laughed at myself. Starved of simple human touch, the momentary accidental contact had been like a welcome embrace. Spock glanced at me and there was a strange expression in his eyes. If he had not been a Vulcan I would have not hesitated to call it confusion.

"Is this human insolence?" Selek demanded.

"No, not insolence, sir, observation." I placed a scornful emphasis on the 'sir'.

"Indeed, I have also observed signs of bigotry," Spock agreed, to my delight. "It is most un-Vulcan."

Selek's eyes blazed and I, only catching the edge of his gaze, flinched from the power emanating from them. Spock, however, stood his ground and returned it with his own formidable strength. This silent battle of wills lasted for what seemed like an eternity. I could only shift with discomfort, unsure of what to do, for I was unable to disturb them nor could I help Spock. Faced with all this Vulcan power, I was completely out of my depth.

To my great satisfaction, Selek broke the contact. "You show your true allegiance, Mr Spock," he said, vindictively. "You side with this human. I have always argued that you are no Vulcan. This has proved me correct."

Spock raised his eyebrows. I could sense his growing anger. "This human shows more respect for Vulcan custom than certain Vulcans on this ship."

His voice was icy and I knew, for definite, that he had suffered at Selek's hands. Why was he defending me? He owed me nothing. I was a nuisance to him. I had taken him from his primary duties. I had embarrassed him with my thoughtless remarks about his heritage. Yet, as I looked up at him, standing at my side, close to me, a warmth enveloped me. It seemed right for him to be there despite the fact that he had never exactly been friendly to me. I felt secure with him. It was strange.

Who said that Vulcans had no emotions? Selek's eyes were filled with anger, his thin lips pressed tightly together and his nostrils flared. "One day, you will learn your place. Perhaps that day will be soon."

"Do not threaten me," Spock replied, the picture of calm. "I am considered the best science officer in the fleet. Few become science officer. Anyone can become a navigator. I trust you will remember that."

Well done, Spock. I was delighted with his answer. He had countered Selek's threat perfectly, and now the older Vulcan was at a loss for words. There was a price to pay, however. Selek's hatred of Spock could only have deepened.

Another voice intruded. "Commander Selek, attend me."

We all turned to face the captain. Without a word, Selek obeyed and they left the rec room at once. The others present kept their eyes averted but I knew they had taken it all in. I swore a little. Such scenes must be considered in very bad taste amongst 'non-emotional' Vulcans.

I was angered by Selek's attitude but there was a glimmer of hope. Spock had not been bound to defend me yet had gone out of his way to do so. He had incurred the wrath of a senior officer in the process. Why had he done it? I faced him. "Mr Spock," I began.

"Do you wish another game of chess, Mr Kirk?" he interrupted me.

I grinned a little. For him to interrupt, something no super-polite Vulcan would do, meant that a little bit of his humanity remained. It was then that I really began to like him. "I certainly would, Mr Spock," I replied.

"Your game is illogical but interesting. I wish to analyse it."

I didn't care what he wanted to do with my game; he wanted my company and that was enough. With a lighter heart, I resumed my seat and he sat opposite. "I have never been so easily defeated. I'm like a child playing a grandmaster."

His right brow rose, but he sorted the board and made the first move before commenting, "All children must grow and learn."

I studied him. What was he offering? Was he offering me anything at all? Maybe I was reading meaning into his words that weren't there. "If they have an understanding teacher," I replied, choosing my words carefully.

"I do not understand your meaning," he remarked, after subjecting me to a long stare.

I bore it, for I wanted to get through to him, knowing that it was vital that we reached an understanding. "I know that it has been degrading for you to have been given the task of helping me adjust to life here. It is not my fault that you were given such a duty. You have been considerate and patient and I appreciate how you defended me just now. I thank you for all of that." I leaned forward, seeking something from him, some kindness perhaps but I sat back on seeing his discomfort at my proximity. "Mr Spock, I have the greatest respect for you. I believe I have never seen a science officer your equal."

It was the honest truth. The way his hands sped over the console was amazing. How he correlated data was a mystery to me, and I am rated on the science console. Compared to him, other science officers of my acquaintance, were novices. "If I have offended you in any way, I ask forgiveness." I was referring, of course, to my gaffe concerning his heritage. "I have a great deal to learn about Vulcan courtesy and am willing to learn." He still watched me but I could not tell if my words had made any impression. "I truly am sorry if your responsibility to me brings you the scorn of others."

"Commander Selek is one of the very few who hold those opinions. Vulcans do respect and honour all life-forms."

"He has made your life difficult then?" Would he open up to me at all?

His expression changed a fraction and I thought that I could detect pain there. "He is of the opinion that intermarriage between Vulcan and human is offensive and obscene."

"All races have bigots like him. No doubt he thinks of you as a human."

"He does. He opposed my rise in the fleet with vigour and tenacity."

My sympathy for him made me forget my own problems. "You are too talented, Mr Spock. Envy is bound to follow you. Yet, it would be illogical to oppose the advancement of such an exceptional officer. Trouble is, you are a constant reminder to him that the progeny of an interplanetary union does not conform his own prejudiced ideas."

His head lifted in what appeared to me to be a certain pride. "Indeed," he said.

I was pleased that I was beginning, at last, to reach him. I had found some common ground with him; perhaps I might gain a friend here after all. Although he had kept his distance, I had been drawn to him from the start. There seemed, at last, to be some hope.

After a short silence, he continued, "It is not degrading to assist one who requires help. Perhaps at the beginning, I believed that it was." I could almost sense his inner struggle. "I ask your pardon. I should have known better."

I felt real warmth for him now. He was honest and not afraid to re-examine his own attitudes and change if he believed himself to be in error. I was impressed. "Mr Spock, there is nothing to forgive. You have made my life tolerable here. I sincerely hope that we can be friends."

His eyes blazed with such power that I shrunk back in fear. "You know not what you say," he said in a harsh tone. "It is impossible."

I couldn't control the churning in my stomach. "I only meant..." I began but broke off, unable to say more. Damn it. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, I had upset him again. Obviously the subject of friendship was taboo... I stood up, angry with myself, with him, with Starfleet for putting me into an intolerable situation. "I will remove myself from your presence, Mr Spock. I do not want to further offend you. Perhaps in my quarters, out of sight, I will cease to be an embarrassment to you. Excuse me."

I turned on my heel, and stormed out in a rage. What was I doing here? Barely tolerated and almost an outcast. I felt more alone than I had ever been in my life. Obviously no Vulcan would deign to be a human's friend. I was obviously beneath their consideration, some lesser species as Selek believed. As I sped my way through the corridors, I scarcely noticed the crewmembers who moved out of my way.

Once I was in the welcome solitude of my cabin, I flung myself on the bed and pressed my face into the pillow. I almost wept with frustration and anger. I had been on the verge of getting through to Spock but had ruined it all by my ignorance of Vulcan custom. How had I offended him? Surely he was not a bigot! Of course he wasn't. Then what did friendship mean to a Vulcan? Anything at all? In all my studies of the Vulcan people, there were no references to their friendships.

As I began to calm down, shame almost crushed me. I had behaved like a spoilt child. What must Spock think of me? He had defended me, tried to help me, wanted to play chess with me, asked my pardon, and I had returned his goodwill with a petty display of temper. I curled up in despair. I had known that life on a Vulcan ship wouldn't be easy, and had prepared myself as best I could, for the differences, even for a certain loneliness. I hadn't reckoned on a culture where I would be totally out of place. It was not even the lack of sex although, to be honest, celibacy isn't easy for me. More than anything it was the absence of a touch on the shoulder, a handshake, a hug, for I am affectionate by nature and this avoidance of touch was causing me pain.

In my research I had discovered that all Vulcan children were betrothed at seven years of age. When the appropriate time arrived, they were married -or bonded -as the term was. There were often bonded couples serving aboard the same ship. I had seen no evidence of this and, did not have clearance to read personal files, but I had never seen anyone touch or show any loving feeling for another. How did they survive? Had they no need for physical comfort? Were they truly insular beings with no need for anyone?

The chirp of the door chime startled me. I jumped to my feet, straightened my uniform and pushed the hair away from my forehead. "Enter," I said, as evenly as I could manage.

It was Spock. He walked over, stopped a few paces away, and then clasped his hands behind his back. "Mr Kirk," he said slowly, as if to a child, "your emotions are disturbing the harmony on this ship. You must learn to restrain them."

"How can I do that?" I shot back, "when I do not know the rules, when I cannot tell what is offensive and what is not, or what is right or wrong. I am treated like an outcast. No-one is friendly. No-one touches..." I blinked back tears of self pity.

He seemed puzzled by my outburst. "Do I treat you as an outcast?"

I stared at him, feeling even more ashamed, for he had no idea what I was talking about. I remembered how he had defended me. I had no right to speak to him like that. It was unfair. "No, you have not, Mr Spock. I am very human and have a quick temper." He seemed to relax a little at my words and, encouraged by that, I continued, "I just do not understand the rules. I have been on this ship for more than a month and still feel like a stranger. Perhaps my assignment here was a mistake. It will never work. There are too many differences between our species."

"I do not agree," he answered, to my astonishment. "I believe that the crew finds your behaviour most fascinating."

White heat raged through me. "That makes me feel like a specimen to be studied," I said, in a raised voice. "Well, I'm not a specimen, I'm a human being with my own kind of dignity. I won't be treated like this, as if I were nothing." I turned my back on him. It was the height of bad manners but I was hurting inside and couldn't bear to look at his cold features. "Please leave my quarters." I was vaguely aware that I had slipped into English, but I didn't care. My knowledge of the Vulcan language seemed to have left me. What did that even matter any more?

"Mr Kirk," Spock said in a tone gentler than I had ever heard from him. Damn. I was torn between liking and disliking him. He confused me. There were times he seemed almost approachable and others when he was so alien and forbidding. "You must learn control. Without it you will be unable to survive here. If you continue in this emotional manner, you will become ill."

"What do you care?" I spun around to face him. He was silent and my laughter was mocking. "Exactly. No-one cares one damn bit. I'm only a human after all. A lesser species..."

His intense gaze stilled my tirade. "This behaviour does a disservice to the cause of non-Vulcans here. You give victory into Selek's hands. Will you allow that to happen?"

I flushed and looked down. He was right. I was too volatile for my own good. All I had done was give Selek more ammunition to use against me. He could easily use it to argue my unfitness to serve aboard the T'Varon. I copied Spock's stance, attempted to recover some of my tattered dignity and bit back my own disappointment in myself.

"I have made things even more difficult for you, Mr Spock," I stated. "I am in your charge and not a credit to you. Perhaps I am too much of an individualist. Maybe my craving for companionship is too human, and unrealistic here. I apologise for my behaviour and promise that I will try harder. I swear it."

I met his eyes and, for a moment, fancied there was a touch of compassion there. I recalled how the momentary, accidental contact with him had calmed me. In fact, I realised that his very presence here had relaxed me. I wondered why.

"Mr Kirk," he began.

"Please call me, Jim," I impulsively said. I had not been called by my given name since my departure from starbase, and I was desperate to hear it. The formality of the constant use of my surname had been another nail in the coffin of my isolation.

He blinked, raised an eyebrow, and I could see that the request had startled him. A slight frown creased his forehead as he digested my words. After an endless few moments he replied. "Jim, I shall not permit you to fail."

It was as a weight had been lifted from me. I grinned, my earlier despair dissolved as he had spoken my name. I could have hugged him! He stepped back a pace. "I shall assist you in any way possible. I understand your situation more than you realise, and would advise you to keep your emotions under tighter restraint. Vulcans are touch telepaths but some can receive intense emotions without physical contact. It is painful for us."

I was horrified. "You can sense my emotions?"

"Affirmative."

I was mortified as I now remembered those crewmembers who had darted out of my way during my rush to get here. They had been assaulted by the anger I was broadcasting. Now I knew why they avoided me. I was naked and exposed for all to see. The humiliation was too much. "Mr Spock," I began an apology.

"Please call me, Spock," he said softly.

Absurdly, tears stung my eyes at his kindness. I blinked then away, knowing he would not welcome such a display. I had to get a grip. "Spock, thank you," I said, with real gratitude. Our eyes held, and I had the strongest feeling that we somehow had reached an understanding. I relaxed further and grinned at him with increased warmth. Beyond the cool, Vulcan exterior there lived a compassionate being; one I was determined to get to know. He inclined his head, perhaps uncomfortable with my smile and my suddenly powerful feelings of friendship towards him. Hadn't he admitted that he could sense emotions without touch?

"Do you wish to continue our chess game, Jim?" he asked.

I was delighted. He seemed puzzled and I was sure that I was beginning to interpret the small signs he showed. At last, I was getting somewhere. "Yes, I would, Spock," I replied.

"Very well," he replied, and led the way out.

We returned to our abandoned game in the rec room, although he beat me as easily as before, I didn't much care. I wasn't totally alone anymore. I had made some kind of breakthrough with this enigmatic half-Vulcan. His support gave me strength and the hope of a future on the T'Varon.

Crisis

Selek was in command when the crisis hit. An unknown ship literally popped out of hyper-space, setting all our sensors and alarms buzzing. The ship was hexagonal, roughly the size of a shuttlecraft, and sparkled all over as if studded with diamonds. Spock's analysis came quickly, confirming my suspicion that the vessel was totally alien. It headed directly for us. Its sparkling surface intensified until it was blinding. I kept my eyes on my helm console and studied the energy signatures that now radiated in an ever widely increasing arc. I began to worry. Why did Selek not call a yellow alert. He just sat in silence as Spock gave him facts and figures from the sensors, not acknowledging the science officer's evaluations.

Spock continued, as if unaware of Selek's disinterest. "No life forms aboard. This craft is fully automated, however there are some anomalies in its behaviour. The energy output has increased by eighty-six point five percent in one solar minute."

As Spock relayed more data, my admiration for him increased. I couldn't understand how he made his analysis at all but my confidence in him was total. I studied the readings and could only decipher a fraction of it but after short time, noted that the pattern of energy was vaguely familiar. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I glanced at Lt T'Sal on navigation and thought I saw a touch of worry on her exquisite features. So even she was concerned. I didn't have to check on the other bridge crew because I now began to sense the unnatural tension in the air. I gritted my teeth and returned my attention to the console. That energy field was coming too close for comfort.

"Shields up," Selek ordered at last.

"Shields up, sir," I complied.

As the alien vessel gained on us, the brightness it emitted intensified further. Selek still sat at the con, not even calling the captain to the bridge. The fool! What kind of first officer was he?

"Commander," Spock said, his voice so sharp that the hair on the back of my neck rose. "That energy is highly concentrated Berthold radiation. At that level it will penetrate our shields and destroy all life aboard. I respectfully suggest that you order its destruction."

"Nonsense," Selek dismissed the warning. "Berthold radiation is a natural phenomenon. It cannot be harnessed by technology."

I was shocked by his response. Was he blind as well as stupid. I wanted to yell, 'Fire the phasers," but couldn't speak out for the battle of wills was between the two Vulcans. However, I knew if Selek did not give that order soon, I would fire phasers regardless of the consequences.

"You are in error. Return to your station," Selek said with cold disdain.

That was the final straw. Just as I determined to carry out my intentions there was a hard grip on the back of my chair. "Fire phasers, Mr Kirk." It was Spock.

"Phaser one locked on, sir." I pressed the button. Spock leaned over me and together we watched the accuracy of the hit.

The alien ship exploded, and on Spock's order, I took evasive action and led us out of the danger zone. My skills on helm were never more severely tested but I was aware of Spock close to me at all times, and was calmer than I had ever been. Once the T'Varon was out of range, I sat back and sighed. We had been only three seconds from certain death. Spock and I exchanged a silent message of understanding and his eyes seemed to soften for a moment.

"Thank you, Mr Kirk. Well done," he praised. I didn't deserve it. His had been the analysis and he had taken the necessary action. I was about to say so when Selek's angry voice intruded. "Insubordination. This is what happens when humans and hybrids are allowed to serve on our ships. They do not understand discipline. Security, take them both to the brig."

I couldn't believe that the bigoted fool would be stupid enough to press charges against us, but I had underestimated the extent of his prejudice. I stood at Spock's side, trying to intimate by my stance that I supported him completely. Spock had done the only thing to save the ship. There was more to it though. He had shown me compassion. He had called me Jim. He was my one and only contact here, my almost-friend and I could not bear to lose him.

"On what grounds do you base your charge?" Spock asked, as coolly as if asking the time.

"You gave an order to fire without my permission. You overstepped your authority," Selek almost spat.

"Commander, Berthold radiation is fatal to all humanoid life," T'Sal intervened. I glanced at her and for a moment, her enormous ebony eyes met mine. I smiled at her in gratitude. She had the courage to speak the truth for she had also recognised the danger.

"Silence," Selek demanded.

She bowed her head, but not before exchanging a glance with the tall security officer who now waited behind us.

"Very well," Spock said. "I will prepare my defence. Mr Kirk, however, is blameless."

"He fired the phasers," Selek insisted, with fury barely concealed.

"At my command," Spock replied, the very picture of the efficient, emotionless Vulcan officer.

"I am his superior officer. It was his duty to obey me. The responsibility is mine."

Spock was defending me again; this half-Vulcan for whom I was rapidly gaining affection for, was in his own way trying to help me. I didn't fear Selek, nor my future if Spock was with me. We would beat the bastard - together.

"You will both go the brig at once," Selek ordered.

Spock raised one brow, indicated that I should follow him, and I did so. In passing, I gave Selek a contemptuous smile. His rage seemed to increase and I was delighted, for I had intended to goad him and had succeeded. The security officer followed us into the turbo-lift. He remained silent. I glanced up at him. Even amongst the tall people of Vulcan he was a giant. I am not exactly tiny but on the T'Varon I often felt dwarfed.

Once in the brig, I sat on the bunk while Spock settled on a chair at the computer console. He immediately logged on and I wondered what information he searched for. "He over-reacted," I said as Spock sat back and steepled his fingers.

He looked at me. "Technically he is correct. I did give the order without permission."

"Yes, and if you had not done so, we would all be dead. If not for his prejudice, we would not be in this situation. The captain would have accepted your findings, any captain would have. Anyone can see your worth, Spock." I wanted him to know how much I admired him. "If I had been in command, I would have acted immediately and destroyed that ship. I would have trusted your judgement."

"Humans are emotional and illogical but understand loyalty."

"Yes, I do understand loyalty, Spock. I willingly give that to you. I would also..." I broke off, unsure about mentioning friendship again. His reaction last time had been too negative. Yet, from that time we had reached a sort of agreement and were on first name terms. Once again, his enigmatic alienness and almost-human compassion confused me. He was a genius by any standard but there was a vulnerability about him that was not apparent in any other Vulcan I had met. Was it some human element in him? I couldn't quite pinpoint it but I wished he might confide in me and consider me a friend. If - a short word that stretched out into infinity...

He abruptly returned to his computer so I sighed and lay down on the bunk. I stared up at the ceiling. What a success my mission here had been!!! In the brig, already!

After an hour, Lt Storon, the security officer entered. At that moment, it dawned on me that the force field had never been activated and we could have left at any time. I marvelled at these people. No doubt, Vulcans rarely used the brig. They would not commit anything like an offence. Even our 'offence' had only warranted confinement to quarters. Selek had put us here to humiliate us. He hadn't succeeded. It was then I wondered if Storon had deliberately left the force field off in some kind of protest against our imprisonment.

"The captain requires your presence," he said.

Spock inclined his head in that courteous way of his. I jumped to my feet, straightened my tunic and also bowed slightly. I was not as graceful as Spock but at least I could try.

The briefing room was crowded with all of the bridge crew present. Was this to be a formal hearing? Captain T'Zen had full authority to dispense justice as she saw fit. "Be seated," she said, indicating the empty chairs opposite her. Selek, his face devoid of any expression, sat at her side. So he had regained his composure. I wondered if I could make him crack. I'd give it my best shot.

"Commander Selek had charged you both with insubordination. I will take your statements in this informal hearing then I shall decide if a formal trial is necessary." She looked at Spock. "Why did you order Mr Kirk to fire phasers."

Spock didn't hesitate. "Mr Selek did not accept my analysis of the alien ship's energy pattern. I knew that I was correct. There was no time left for debate. If I had not ordered the destruction of the vessel, the radiation would have pierced our shields and all life on the T'Varon would have ceased in twelve point three seconds. We barely survived. Only Mr Kirk's expertise at the helm removed us from the danger zone in time." I flushed with pleasure at his praise. "I will now show you the sensor readings and shall confirm the pattern of Berthold radiation."

The computer comparisons were water tight. I gave Selek a mocking smile. Just hold on, you cold bastard, I thought. Spock may be too polite to provoke you, but I'm not.

"As you can now verify, Captain," Spock continued, "the situation was critical. I could delay no longer. I freely admit to disobeying orders to return to my station, and to ordering Mr Kirk to fire phasers without the first officer's permission."

I admired his coolness. What an asset to any ship he was. I hoped that the captain thought that too.

"Mr Kirk." She turned her attention to me. "Why did you not wait for confirmation for the order to fire."

Now was my chance. "Captain, when Commander Spock told Commander Selek about the Berthold radiation, I checked and found his analysis to be sound. Assuming that the order to fire would be forthcoming, I prepared by checking all systems and co-ordinates. It was the logical thing to do, Captain, as time was of the essence. However, Mr Selek did not deign to accept the expert judgement of the science officer. A judgement that was accurate." I threw a contemptuous look at Selek. "So, I was quite prepared to carry out Spock's order for it was the right course of action to take." I was in full flow now and didn't let up. "If the alien ship had not been destroyed we would all now be dead. We would not, however, have been killed by Berthold radiation but by the prejudice of a first officer who would not listen to the best science officer in the fleet. Instead he dismissed him as if he and his advice were of no consequence. Such lack of respect for such a person is beneath contempt. No human would behave like that, I had not suspected that a Vulcan would or even could."

They all stared at me wide eyed, and that's when I found out that Vulcans can be shocked. Non-emotional beings? Poppycock!

"That will suffice," T'Zen said. She turned to Selek. "Speak."

"I did not accept the science officer's evaluations as I did not believe Berthold radiation to be anything other than a natural phenomenon," Selek said.

"Mr Spock is the scientific expert. Why did you not accept his findings. You were in command of my ship. Its safety becomes before all else."

"I wished further study of the alien ship."

"You did not initiate standard procedures. You did not call an alert, nor did you call the captain to the bridge. You did not protect my ship and crew."

If a Vulcan could squirm, Selek did so. The captain's baleful glare impaled him and, with a sudden movement, he lowered his head. I glanced at the others and noted their disapproval. Justice would be done. Of that I was certain.

"You have been remiss in your duty to me," T'Zen continued. Her tone had become increasingly icy, and I was glad her anger was not directed at me.

"I as pardon," Selek said, in a contrite and subdued manner.

She didn't reply, instead she turned to us. "Commander Spock, Mr Kirk, you are both guilty of insubordination."

I was completely startled. Was she just as bigoted as Selek? Had I been so wrong about her? I glanced at Spock but his face was unreadable. I took a deep breath and tried, outwardly, at least, remain serene.

"However, due to mitigating circumstances, no charges will be pressed against you, nor will your actions be held against you. You saved the ship and for that you have my thanks. This hearing is over. Dismissed."

Whew! I breathed a sigh of relief. It had all worked out fine. I accompanied Spock from the room. Behind me, the other bridge officers except Selek, followed. I guessed he was due for a reprimand and I was pleased. He deserved all that was coming to him. If he had done that on a ship of mine, I'd have demoted him. Vulcan discipline, though, was an unknown to me. T'Zen was very angry, in a controlled Vulcan way, and I suspected that Selek's punishment would be severe.

In the corridor, I stopped. "Mr Spock, would you join me for a meal?" I asked on impulse.

He hesitated before turning to face me and look at me in his curious intent way. "I would be honoured," he replied.

I grinned then turned to the others. "Will you also join us?"

Lt T'Sal was the first to accept. After that the others followed, and as we made our way to the rec room, I felt for the first time as if I had been accepted. During our meal, my ship-mates became involved in a discussion about the space-time continuum, that I barely understood. My occasional comment interested them, though, and I began to feel more at ease. It was only after our meal was finished was any reference made to the incident on the bridge.

"We are fortunate in having an exceptional science officer," T'Sal commented. "I do not know of any other who could have interpreted the data with such accuracy and speed, and act upon his decision in such a manner."

Spock acknowledged her words with a slight bow.

"Mr Kirk's helm skills are impressive," she continued, looking at me with her magnificent ebony eyes. The others murmured their agreement and I grinned with sheer delight.

"Why do you smile?" T'Sal asked bluntly.

That wiped the grin from my face. How was I to explain such a normal response to a woman who claimed to know nothing of emotion. "I was pleased by your praise and support. Forgive me if I have offended in any way, Lt T'Sal. It is natural for humans to smile if they are happy." I hoped that would suffice.

She raised her exquisite eyebrows. "It is most... charming."

I swallowed. What was she saying to me? That she approved of me? She liked me? It was difficult to be sure.

"I would agree that it is intriguing," Lt Storon added.

"Indeed, my bond-mate," T'Sal said.

I was surprised. There had been no clue, that I'd previously noted, of them being a couple. I recalled my reading on Vulcan marriage. There was precious little. All I knew was that Vulcans were monogamous and mated for life. I envied Storon. T'Sal was intelligent and beautiful. A fine navigator.

"I have never before considered humans to be attractive," T'Sal continued, "however, you Mr Kirk have an unique masculine beauty."

I blushed to the roots of my hair, like a child. She had just complimented me on my looks and I was really embarrassed.

Storon gave her a look of almost-affection. "You are an excellent judge on such matters, my bond-mate."

She lowered her lashes demurely. "Indeed."

Who said that Vulcan's didn't love. It was obvious to me now that, low key and unobtrusive as it was, Storon and T'Sal were deeply in love. It was then I realised what a unique position I was in, to study Vulcans as no other had. I was beginning to learn about them. The ice had a chip in it now. I had to work on that.

After a time, Spock and I were left alone. He had not mentioned the hearing and as I couldn't help but wonder what he thought of it, I asked, "Spock what will happen to Selek?"

"It is the captain's decision."

I wanted him to know how much I appreciated his support. I would have liked to tell him how much I liked his company and what it would mean to me if we were friends. It was difficult to speak for he seemed so self-contained, not needing anyone. I resolved to try but before I could utter a word, he rose to his feet and said, "If you will excuse me, Mr Kirk, I have matters to attend to."

I swallowed my disappointment. He would only accept so much familiarity. There was always a barrier between us, one I wanted cross and he didn't. "Of course, Mr Spock," I replied as politely as I could. I met his eyes and he hesitated. For one brief moment, it seemed as if he might resume his seat, and I leaned forward in anticipation, but he only bowed in that elegant way of his then left.

Fatigued, and a bit depressed, I leaned my elbows on the table and bent my head down. Would I ever break the ice between us? Was I deluding myself by thinking that my situation here had improved? I rubbed my eyes. Who could understand Vulcans?

I stood up and suddenly became aware that I was being watched. Well, the human specimen was giving them a good show with his emotional behaviour. They were the perfect audience, watching my performance with rapt attention. With that touch of irreverence, that has on occasion brought me trouble, I opened my arms and bowed to them in the best theatrical tradition. I had not spent four years in the academy drama group and learned nothing! Eyebrows were raised all around the room. I had surprised, perhaps scandalised them, and that pleased me.

My exit was made in complete silence.

Spock

The next day, Captain T'Zen summoned me to her office. As I awaited her attention, I wondered if she was going to mention the incident with Selek.

"Mr Kirk, you have demonstrated your ability on helm and will remain there."

Praise from the captain! Well that was to be prized. I restrained my pleasure, knowing she would not welcome an enthusiastic response. She watched me and I wondered why all Vulcans had such piercing gazes. It was most disconcerting.

"Do you have any problems that you wish to relate?" she asked.

"No, Captain." I was unwilling to confide in her about my personal difficulties. She wouldn't understand and anyway my private life was my own.

"Very well. You will join the landing party for Ariadnus. You will assist Mr Spock and Mr Selek in negotiations with the human colonists." My surprise must have shown for she added, "Can you manage such a mission, Mr Kirk?"

Why was she putting Spock and I on landing party detail with Selek? Surely she realised how explosive that could be? Why was she allowing Selek to deal with humans anyway? "I can, Captain, but can Mr Selek?"

There was a brittleness in her eyes, I had never seen before. "Each individual must face his fear, wrestle with his own particular demon. Apart from his illogical outlook on humans, Mr Selek is a fine officer. He must learn tolerance. He will change his attitude."

"An attitude that almost killed us all," I reminded her.

"I am aware of that. He has been reprimanded and punished. His demotion was necessary. Mr Spock has been promoted to first officer."

I was pleased for Spock; he'd make a fine first officer but Selek was dangerous. Was he capable of taking his revenge, regardless of anything. I didn't trust Selek. There was a deep-seated violence in him that I feared. "Captain, I shall try to show him that humans are worthy of respect."

"Humans are worthy of respect. Mr Kirk, you are a fine officer. I wish you to be content here. I am not unaware that you have certain problems here. There is a wide gap in the ways of our respective people but we also have much in common."

Her understanding words eased me somewhat and I smiled a little. "Thank you. It is a privilege to serve with such a captain."

"I believe you are in line for a ship of your own."

"If I succeed here, Captain."

"You shall succeed. I have every confidence in you."

I released a deep sigh and relaxed under her approving gaze.

Spock and Selek arrived together. I looked for any signs of their feelings on their reversal of roles but saw nothing. Spock acknowledged me with a slight nod. Selek ignored me.

The captain briefed us on the mission. I was to act as liaison between the humans on Ariadnus and the Vulcans. The humans were isolated third generation colonists who had never met Vulcans before. Spock and a team of specialists were to determine why tens of thousands of people had been reduced by more than eighty percent. I wondered what ability Selek had, that he should accompany us.

"I question sending a human to this planet," Selek objected.

I didn't like the way he said 'human'. He made it sound like an obscenity.

"These people have not seen Vulcans before," T'Zen snapped. "Mr Kirk will be essential as liaison. There must be no mistakes or misunderstandings on this mission."

"They should have sent a human crewed ship," Selek argued.

"We have been given this mission," T'Zen said. "We shall determine the problem and endeavour to solve it. Mr Spock, are the environmental field suits operational?"

"Affirmative, Captain. I have adapted one to Mr Kirk's requirements."

Environmental field suits had been invented by Vulcan scientists and did away with the bulky units that were normal Starfleet issue. Controlled by wristband sensors, the field protected the individual from all air-borne viruses and bacteria. It would be essential on a planet where so many had died in unknown circumstances. I had never worn one before and looked forward to seeing how it worked.

"Mr Selek, you will instruct Mr Kirk in the use of the field suits," T'Zen ordered.

Selek shot me a look of such hatred, that the colour drained from my face. I looked at the captain, about to object, but at her calm appraisal, I bit back my words. She was so beautiful in her regal serenity. Embarrassed, I looked at the ground. Was I so sex-starved that I was placing my desires on T'Zen, my superior officer, and a woman many years older than me?

"Mr Kirk?" she inquired.

I squared my shoulders, glanced at Spock for support, and received it in his steady gaze. That gave me the courage to speak bluntly. "I would prefer another instructor. Commander Selek had made it clear that he resents me and considers me an inferior being."

Her eyes flashed at him and he bowed his head. She returned her attention to me. "Perhaps you are correct. Mr Spock shall instruct you. Mr Selek had not yet learned tolerance."

"I shall willingly instruct Mr Kirk," Spock said. "He is my responsibility."

The captain nodded. "Indeed, Spock, but I had hoped that my bond-mate might learn from his mistakes." She clasped her hands together on the desk. "I see that he has not."

I was astonished. I had not had the slightest inkling of their relationship. How could this tolerant, exceptional woman be married to such a bigot? It was unheard of, in the rest of Starfleet, for a captain to be married to a member of the crew. The Vulcan wing did, without doubt, work by different rules.

"I oppose Selek's ideas," T'Zen continued. "Mr Kirk has a place here. He has earned it. Now he must prove himself capable of landing party duty. I have no doubt that he will succeed. I wish to see co-operation on my ship. I wish my crew to interact normally." She stared at her bond-mate with all the authority of a starship captain. "Mr Selek, you are relieved of landing party duty."

His eyes blazed as he was dismissed from the briefing.

As I returned to my quarters to prepare, my mind was full of the latest revelation. The access corridor was empty. Everyone on this ship of scientists was busy studying the unique trinary star system we were entering.

I didn't hear my attacker approach.

Pain seared through my chest as hard fingers pinched me between neck and shoulder. Blackness descended but I struggled to escape the bruising grip. I fought for control of my body but it wouldn't obey me. Helpless and unable to protect myself, I cried out as a booted heel smashed into my knee. My leg gave way under me and my ankle twisted in a sickening wrench. Unable to stop myself, I crashed onto the deck but before I passed out I saw the face of my assailant leaning over me, his face twisted in revulsion.

Selek...

The first thing I knew as I regained consciousness was constant, excruciating pain. It raced through my foot and ankle, along my leg to my knee. A doctor stood beside my sickbay bed, checking the diagnostic scanners above me. I recognised her. She had given me my first medical here. Dr T'Renna, cold as ice, a female Selek. She didn't approve of me and had made that perfectly clear. Spock - a welcome face - stood next to her. He was as grim as I had ever seen him.

I glanced down at myself and noted that I had been stripped. My whole body was one big ache. How could such pain result from a damaged knee and twisted ankle? And what had he done to my shoulder? It was numb, and severely bruised. I tried to speak. Why hadn't they given me a pain killer?

T'Renna looked at me and there was no sympathy or concern in her eyes just pure clinical detachment. She turned as the captain came in, and for a moment I yearned for the crusty behaviour and acerbic tongue of my old friend and doctor - Bones. I would have given anything to be under his care right now. His compassion and gentle touch were an unbeatable combination. I would have allowed him to yell at me all he wanted for putting on weight, although with my regime on this ship, there was little chance of that.

"Report," T'Zen snapped.

The doctor moved away. In my haze of pain I could scarcely make out her diagnosis. All I could catch was something about the cartilage in my knee and a chipped ankle bone. My concentration wavered and I almost slipped into unconsciousness. The pain intensified further and I bit my lip until it bled. Help me, I tried to say. The pain...

I was going to throw up, black out, if they didn't help me. Nausea choked me, my ears buzzed deafening me, and my eyes grew dim. Sickbay was fading and I was falling... into a bottomless void. Please... I entreated. Spock, help me.

Why did I call for him in my desperate plea? His name sprang to my mind as if it were natural for me. His face swam into view and I held onto the sight of him as I struggled to stay conscious.

"Jim," he said. I could barely hear him for the humming in my ears, but put every bit of effort I could into concentrating on his voice. "Jim," I heard again. Faintly, so very faintly.

His eyes seemed to bore into mine, his will forcing me to rise above the agonising nightmare that trapped me. Warmth enveloped me and the intensity of the pain decreased a fraction.

"Jim, breathe deeply. Do not panic. I am with you." His words brought me comfort. I was not alone. He was there and would not leave me. My tensions began to ease.

"T'Renna, he is in pain. Humans cannot control pain, He needs medication." Spock said to the doctor.

Her voice was mocking. "I thought that even humans had some control. I see now that you are correct. How can you, a powerful telepath, bear to touch him?"

I suddenly realised what he had been doing. The warmth, the lessening of my pain and stress, was due to the touch on my arm. I looked at him in awe. I had heard that some Vulcans had a healing gift. It was rare and highly prized. Most who possessed it entered the medical profession.

"Give him the medication he requires, T''Renna," T'Zen ordered. "How can you, a healer, allow a patient to suffer?"

T'Renna left without a word; I assume to get some drug treatment for me. T'Zen leaned over me. "Forgive the attitudes of a minority, Mr Kirk. I shall not tolerate it. They will be reprimanded. I shall make a ship-wide announcement reminding my crew of the tenets of Surak." She hesitated then asked, "Did you see your attacker?"

What was I to say? How to tell her that her bond-mate had done this to me. I was in a quandary. Vulcans do not lie. They wouldn't respect someone who did. "Selek," I finally said.

The shock hit her and she couldn't hide it. Her eyes darkened and the expression there did not bode well for Selek. She composed herself and straightened. My admiration for her strength of character increased "Indeed," she said, looking across at Spock.

T'Renna returned and, with disapproval oozing from her, gave me a shot. It immediately took effect but as I lay there, I knew that the drug, however effective, was only temporary release. I would need regen treatment to repair my injuries and that would mean at least a day away from my work. I had lost my chance at landing party detail.

I smiled a little, as T'Zen ordered Security to lock Selek in the brig. She had believed me. I glanced up at Spock and he nodded fractionally.

"How long will it take for Mr Kirk's injuries to heal?" T'Zen asked. "A minimum of twenty-nine hours in a regen-unit. The damage to delicate human bones and tissues is extensive," the doctor replied.

"I need him ready in time for the landing party. You have three hours."

"Impossible," T'Renna insisted.

"I cannot afford the time. You must heal him in the Vulcan way."

T'Renna was brave, I'll grant her that. She defied her captain. "Humans lack emotional control. Even now, he broadcasts. Do you wish me to suffer the indignity of exposing myself to his unbridled emotions?"

"You are a healer. Heal."

"No. I will not heal a human."

"You have shields," T'Zen argued.

"A healer must lower the shields. I cannot protect myself from one who cannot control. Am I a veterinary healer? I am not trained for this."

T'Zen was furious; even her natural calm had deserted her. It was nothing, however, to my feelings. I had just been compared to an animal, and I seethed with rage. Only the pressure of Spock's hand on my shoulder kept me silent.

"Mr Kirk is an essential member of the landing party. You will heal him," T'Zen demanded.

"The captain many not order the chief medical officer to implement any action against her judgement," T'Renna replied.

"There are other medics," T'Zen said.

"None will attempt to heal a human."

"What good is a medical staff who put personal prejudices before the health of their patients. What of your oath to heal and respect all life?"

As I watched them argue, a great sadness overcame me. Why had I ever come to this ship? I had caused nothing but trouble. The great experiment of integrated ships was a failure. It had been doomed from the start. I was totally unsuitable with the wrong temperament. As soon as possible, I would request a transfer back to my old ship. My dreams of being the youngest ever starship captain would be gone for ever but at least I would be amongst my own people..

But... I didn't reckon on Spock. "Captain, allow me to heal, Mr Kirk," he requested.

We all stared at him. "You are not a doctor," T'Zen stated.

"That is correct, Captain. However, I come from a family of healers. I have the Gift." He shot a searing look at T'Renna. "If the medical staff will not heal Mr Kirk, they cannot object if I take on the responsibility."

The captain's face seemed to soften and even the doctor appeared to relax. Spock had just solved their problem.

"I shall monitor you, Spock," T'Renna said.

Spock shook his head. "That will not be necessary. I do not require assistance."

T'Renna stepped back at his severe tone.

T'Zen nodded. "Spock is within his rights. He may enter into the meld without supervision, for you have denied your responsibility for this patient's welfare."

T'Renna inclined her head, and moved away to stand by the captain at the foot of the bed. I couldn't understand exactly what was going on but I curbed my impatience. Spock would explain it to me. He was going to help me.

He looked down at me, and spoke in English. "If you will permit, I shall attempt to heal your injuries. I am not a doctor but have trained with one of the foremost healers on Vulcan."

"Spock," I murmured, suddenly knowing just how much of a friend he was being to me. His sympathy washed over me, lifting my spirits and giving me hope. "I don't understand Vulcan healing but I'll let you try it. I place myself in your hands. I trust you."

As I spoke those words, ours eyes locked. There was a strange almost eerie silence around us and it was if some unspoken communication had passed between us.

"If you trust me, Jim, then I am confident that the healing will be successful."

"I do trust you. Tell what I must do."

"Relax and allow the healing power inside you. Do not resist it. I will do the rest."

"But my emotions... The doctor said... " I trailed off unsurely.

"If you can restrain your emotions that will ease the burden on me. If you are unable to, then do not be concerned. I am prepared."

I noted his impassive expression but his eyes told a different story. There was understanding and concern there for me. I knew little of Vulcan healing except that their doctors preferred it to the use of conventional treatment. I had no fear of entering this unknown territory, for I knew that Spock was the gentlest being I had ever known. I trusted him implicitly. "I'll do as you say, Spock," I said.

He removed his grip from my shoulder and moved to stand by my injured leg. A sudden shakiness swept through me, and I realised then that his touch had held the shock at bay. I tried to relax by concentrating on watching him, as he stood with fingertips touching, his eyes unfocussed, as if he were preparing. I glanced at T'Renna and T'Zen. They also watched him. T'Zen seemed proud in some way. I wondered then, if she were related to Spock as there was a passing resemblance between them. The expression on the doctor's face was harder to define, and I didn't spend time analysing it, for Spock had roused from his trance-like state.

He knelt by the bed and placed his hands on my ankle and knee. His eyes closed and he became very still. I held my breath... waiting... waiting... for what? I didn't know, but I, too, closed my eyes and tried to keep my shock under check.

My leg was so swollen, I didn't feel his touch but after a few minutes an itchiness started to spread along the injured area. It soon became agonisingly uncomfortable and as I took deep breaths in an attempt to bear it, I gritted my teeth and held on. After a time, to my profound relief, the discomfort was replaced by a gentle warmth that spread from my foot to my knee. I could almost feel those torn and damaged ligaments knit together. I marvelled at such a Gift and the generosity of he who used it. As all the pain and discomfort dissolved, I sighed. Deep relaxation permeated my whole body and I drifted in peaceful languor. Contentment, such as I have never experienced, filled me.

I slowly became aware of his hands. I, who had been starved of touch, had now been touched more deeply than any human had been before. It had penetrated my skin to reach through blood vessels, muscle and bone, to heal me. I caught a sense of him as his Gift filtered through me. I tried to reach for him to give my thanks, my gratitude, when surprise - his surprise - suffused me as I captured him. Shock - his - permeated me as we connected. For a heartbeat, time was suspended and there was a comfortable togetherness of some type. I was alone no more. It's difficult to explain. It's a very personal thing. All I know is that we shared in some uncanny unison of being and things would never be the same for us again for we were bound together in some inexplicable way. Strangely, I didn't question any of this. I just accepted it as it felt right.

Suddenly, the contact between us was lost. The wrench of parting tore at me: I was alone again. "Spock," I cried, sitting up so quickly that my head spun.

"Lie down," T'Renna said. "It will pass."

I obeyed her but kept my eyes on Spock. He still knelt there, staring blindly at my now - back to normal - knee and ankle, All signs of bruising had gone, and I felt no pain or discomfort. "Spock. Spock," I tried to get his attention. "Thank you." With a start, he looked at me, bowed his head in acknowledgement and stood up. He seemed to sway but caught himself then clasped his hands behind him, as T'Renna ran her mediscanner over my once damaged leg.

"He is completely healed, Captain," the doctor said. "He will be fit for duty within the hour." She looked at Spock. "You have a rare Gift. You should have been a healer. Truly, you have inherited the attributes of your illustrious family." Spock didn't respond. He showed no signs of being pleased about the compliment he had just received. "You can still become a healer, Spock," T'Renna added.

"I have no wish to be a healer. I prefer my duties as science officer."

If a Vulcan could be enthusiastic, T'Renna was then. "You healed this human with extraordinary skill. It was fascinating to see how he opened his mind to you."

Is that what I had done? How was it possible? I am not a telepath.

"I healed him, because he needed my help. He opened his mind because he has trust in me, and his bravery cannot be denied."

"Indeed. It was an unusual commitment from one who should have been afraid. He conquered his fear of the unknown because of that trust. His emotional response to you was fascinating." T'Renna was becoming increasingly animated. "How did you acquire his trust? Why does he feel..."

"Why don't you ask me?" I interrupted, angry now at being ignored. Did she still consider me to be a dumb animal and unable to voice my own opinion?

She glanced in my direction but didn't deign to speak to me. Instead she turned to Spock. "Rest now, Spock."

"After I have accompanied Mr Kirk to his quarters, I will rest."

"You will both retire to your quarters and rest," the captain ordered. "Report to the shuttle bay in four hours."

She was giving us some more time to recover. What a generous woman she was. A fine captain.

Spock bowed formally to her then turned to me. "Mr Kirk, when you are ready."

I looked down at my nakedness then at the two women. I flushed but putting a brave face on it, I got out of bed and put on my clothes. Once I was ready, I followed Spock out of sickbay and to the lift. He was silent and I didn't know what to say, faced now by his reserved manner. He was as austere as he had been when first we met but something about him worried me. Was it his pallor, the strain etched into the lines of his forehead? He had been told to rest too. Did the healing take a toll on the healer?

I felt much better now. My ankle showed no signs of weakness, my knee felt strong and the numbness in my shoulder had disappeared. I just felt tired. I still could scarcely believe how I gone from pain and injury to this!

His quarters were next to mine. I stopped at his door, looked up at his set features, and hesitated before saying, "You need more rest than I."

He kept his eyes averted. "I shall meet you here, in three point seven five hours for landing party duty."

"Spock, may I come in?" I asked on impulse.

He blinked several times before nodding in agreement. He was probably too polite to think of refusing. I followed him in, and looked around his sparsely furnished rooms. The decor was mainly a deep red. A tri-d chess set and a stringed musical instrument lay on his desk. A figurine set into a wall alcove interested me but I curbed my curiosity for the moment, as I saw how weary Spock was.

"May I bring you some Simbia?" I asked.

As if he could no longer stay on his feet, he sank down heavily on a chair. He looked up at me, and just for a second, I thought there was a touch of apprehension in his eyes. "Thank you," he said after a moment of consideration.

I brought him the drink, but his eyes had closed and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. The healing must have drained him both mentally and physically. I contemplated what he had done for me, something the doctor wouldn't consider even after a direct order from the captain, and I needed to know why. Was it only that he considered me his responsibility? Or was it something more personal that had prompted him to take on human pain and emotions. As I recalled the sensations during the healing, I was awed at such power and wondering at my own willingness to trust Spock so much. After all, I didn't understand him. He had rejected my friendship yet had shown great patience and even kindness.

I crouched down in front of him. "Spock," I murmured.

His eyes snapped open and there was alarm in them.

"Your Simbia," I added.

He relaxed a fraction and took the glass from me. "Thank you," he said, then took a sip before placing it on the desk.

"It is I who should be thanking you," I said. "That healing was remarkable."

He avoided my gaze. "It was necessary."

"Then why did T'Renna not do it?" I asked.

"Her reasons were based on her own logic."

"Her own selfish logic," I said bitterly. "She considers me no better than an animal."

"I regret that such prejudice exists amongst the Vulcan people." For the first time since we had arrived here, he looked into my eyes.

My bitterness dissolved as I recognised his inner pain. It shone from his eyes with an intensity so sharp, that I flinched. "You are not selfish. You are generous and giving and..." I was afraid to continue less I offend him again. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "Spock, when... During the healing, I felt... I sensed...." I didn't know how to express the impressions I had received; the profound experience of unity with another. I glanced down, embarrassed now, and unsure. Had I been in a dream state? Had he hypnotised me?

"Jim," he said. I raised my head. "You were receptive to the healing. I could not have cured you if you had not had faith in me."

"I had total faith in you, Spock," I replied. "But..." I had to ask. "Something happened. I could sense your strength, your power, and I reached out and..." I found it difficult to articulate something so beyond my comprehension. "Tell me what it was. P.. Please," I stammered in my confusion, pleading with him to enlighten me.

He frowned. "You should not have felt anything other than the normal healing process. I do not understand." He was puzzled, that much was obvious.

"What happened, Spock. Tell me," I encouraged.

He was silent and I despaired. If only he would consider me his friend. If only he would consider himself my friend. I had so much respect and admiration for him. I really liked him. I wished we could be friends. Somehow I knew how vitally important that was to me.

I had never in my life pleaded for anyone's regard, but I didn't hesitate with him. "Spock, why do you keep me at a distance? Why deny me your friendship? We are meant to be friends. I know it." Shock showed in his face and he looked like he was trapped. "You have helped me so much. I know, at first, it was your duty but am I so wrong in believing that it is more than that now? You have supported me when I needed it. You healed me when the doctor would not. I have the warmest of feelings for you. Surely you, a telepath, must know that."

He stared at me with widened eyes. I searched for any signs of acceptance but found none. Maybe I had gone too far. Saddened, I sank back on my heels. "Forgive me," I said, wondering what had happened to my pride. "Maybe you do not think me worthy of your regard, but I cannot help what I feel. You have acted as a friend to me and I thank you." He remained silent, and I pressed on. "What happened during the healing. Something passed between us. Please tell me."

"I do not know," he said, at last. "I have never experienced anything like it before.

I didn't know what to say. So it had been unusual after all; not like a normal healing. I recalled the way I had felt. The greatest relaxation I had ever known; a warmth that had spread over my injuries leaving me afloat in a sea of contentment. Had my overwrought mind been imagining it all? Had I really caught some essence of him in the meld or had it all been an euphoric dream? I was making a complete fool of myself here, begging for a friendship he did not wish. All he had been doing was his duty, taking care of a fragile human on an all Vulcan ship. I laughed at myself. What must he think of me? Where was my self respect?

I have always prided myself on my self reliance but on this ship, amongst beings who did not - perhaps could not - reach out to one another, it was impossible. Perhaps Vulcans were truly insular but I needed other people. I would ask for a transfer. Nothing had happened during the healing. I had merely imagined it all. Understandable, given my relief from pain. I had been seeing emotions where there had been none. I had been deluding myself by humanising a Vulcan.

My unhappiness weighing me down, I got to my feet. "I will leave you to rest. Please forgive my emotional outburst." What more could I say? I walked to the door, full of self recrimination. How could I have subjected him to such a barrage, after he had braved my emotions to heal me?

"Jim." His voice stopped me in my tracks. I swivelled around. He still sat in his chair and it was obvious that his exhaustion had overcome him. "Jim, you must not plead for that which is already yours."

At the admission, the sweetest joy I had ever known encompassed me. Impulsively, I dived over to him, knelt, and gripped his arms. I was speechless with emotion.

"Jim. I did not understand. I have never had a friend before. I have always been alone." My eyes stung with pity for him. "My instincts told me but my intellect, my Vulcan intellect, would not recognise it. I have been fighting it for many weeks. I have been unforgivably cruel to you. It is I who should ask forgiveness."

"No, Spock. It is all right," I reassured. A scientific genius that he was; in this he was like a child. "There is nothing to forgive."

I could see his utter confusion. I had reached him. He did feel something for me. He did care. I grinned with happiness, released his arms, then grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. He returned the grip tightly - too tightly - and I gasped with pain. Alarmed, he released me at once.

"It is all right," I said. "Just try and remember my fragile human bones."

I gripped his hand again and he returned the pressure more gently. How had he survived all these years with his loneliness and fears with no-one to turn to for help with the burden of his mixed heritage. Always having to be so Vulcan, and denying his need for human warmth.

My feelings of friendship for him had deepened during the last few days and the healing had set the final seal on it. Spock and I had accepted one another in some mysterious Vulcan way. One day he would tell me what had happened in the meld. I hoped that day would be soon but until then I would try to be patient.

He watched me and it was not so difficult now to bear his keen gaze. I smiled at him, and think there was a tiny flicker of a smile in response. "Your emotions have great intensity," he remarked.

I chuckled. "I know. It is the way I am." I stopped, embarrassed, as I realised that a touch telepath could read my feelings and possibly my thoughts through physical contact. I released him and he lowered his hand to his lap. He continued looking at me and I broke out in a slight sweat.

"My friend, your private life is your own. I would not intrude. However, you are impulsive and emotional. Such powerful feelings penetrate my telepathic shields. I do not understand why this is so. It has not happened before. Most peculiar."

I was deeply touched. He, in his Vulcan innocence, could not comprehend the emotional involvement of friendship of the rarest kind but I knew we had a unique bond, one that made two strangers closer than brothers. That was putting it in human terms, the Vulcan ramifications were unknown to me.

"My friend," I replied, "I will try to restrain myself." His eyebrows climbed and I chuckled. "No-one has ever brought me to my knees before," I half-joked.

"Is that significant?" he asked.

"Possibly, but I might just be testing out your repair work." Why did I have this sudden urge to tease him?

"Really!" he exclaimed, confused by my words.

I savoured the closeness now between us. I was sure that it would grow into something very special, and that made the prospect of serving on the T'Varon no longer a grim one. I could look forward to an intriguing and rewarding time here. I had the captain's confidence, the acceptance of others such as T'Sal and Storon, and Spock's friendship.

"Rest now, Spock," I said on noting his exhaustion. "I shall return for you in three hours."

"Very well." He paused then stared at me with a slight frown. "Jim," he added eventually.

I stood, handed him the glass of Simbia and ordered, "Drink this. You will need your energy for the landing party." I watched him as he obediently drank all of the juice. "Good. Now remember, you must rest."

He bowed his head in acknowledgement.

As I left his quarters, I pondered on our last exchange. I had more or less ordered him to rest and I'd swear that he almost called me captain. I laughed at my vivid imagination. Starship command was my dream. Would I be able to command all kinds of beings? Did that include Vulcans? Could I command Spock?

The coolness of my quarters was like an embrace. I lay down on the bunk with these thoughts turning around in my head. If I was successful here and awarded my own command, I would somehow bring Spock with me as my science and first officer. What a coup that would be to have a Vulcan serve on my ship. What an asset he would be. But it was more than that. Now that I had his friendship I had the strangest feeling that I would always want him by my side. We seemed to complement one another.

It was accepted that starship captains, because of the very nature of their job, needed someone they could trust above all others to be their counter-balance. Those who didn't have that person as part of his team, sooner or later made the inevitable fatal mistake. If Spock were with me, I wouldn't fall into that trap. My starship command... It was still a dream...

I drifted into a pleasant doze and dreamed that I sat on the centre seat. Spock stood behind me and called me captain. It felt comfortable. It felt right. "Jim." I woke up with a start to see Spock standing over me. I sat up in alarm.

"When you did not return for me..." he began.

I checked the chronometer. I had been out for three hours! Some captain. I have overslept. I sighed and rubbed at my hair.

"Forgive me for entering your quarters without permission, but you did not answer the door chime," he explained.

I blinked the sleep from my eyes and flopped back. "Sorry, Spock. I must have been more tired than I realised." I looked at him. "You do not need permission to enter my quarters. You are welcome here."

He didn't reply, only showed a little puzzlement. It was difficult for him to understand the easygoing informality so normal for humans. "I had a most satisfying dream," I told him.

"Indeed," he replied.

"Yes, I was..."

"Jim, we have landing party duty," he interrupted. "You have little time to prepare." I grinned and jumped to my feet. "Vulcans do not dream," he added as if it were an afterthought.

"You may share mine," I offered, before diving into my bathroom for a quick shower. He had been even more puzzled by that remark and it suddenly dawned on me just what I had said. I had meant telling him about my dreams but to a telepath it might mean something quite different. Well, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. I wondered, though, about my unusual friendship with Spock and through what strange pathways it would lead.

I shrugged my shoulders and joined him. This would be our first mission together. I was certain it wouldn't be our last.

End of Story One.

The T'Varon Chronicles 2 - The First Rule

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