The T'Varon Chronicles.

(An Alternate Universe series)

Story two - The First Rule

Attack

The shuttle craft rocked from side to side as the Klingon torpedoes struck her. I couldn't regain helm control, nor could Spock navigate. I bit back my fear, despite knowing how hopelessly outgunned we were; no match for the Klingon war ship that had attacked us without provocation. Death stared at us and there seemed few options left.

***

We had been returning to the T'Varon after our successful mission on Ariadnus. It had taken three days to isolate the affliction that had caused such devastation amongst the population but Spock, myself and a team of medical specialists had remained on the planet for four weeks whilst the T'Varon was called away on an emergency. Once the infection that had caused all those deaths on Ariadnus had been identified, it took Dr Starn and his team a matter of hours to develop a vaccine. Spock co-ordinated us all and I found it no problem being under his command for he was not heavy handed with his authority. Working with those scientists had been an exhilarating experience. I had also acted as liaison to the human colonists and it had been interesting to see how they had responded to the Vulcans; unsure at first then trusting.

Once the immediate crisis was over we had all been roped in to produce enough vaccine to inoculate the remainder of the population. I learned a lot during that time. We worked until even Vulcan stamina flagged but Spock, always mindful of my welfare, insisted that I take adequate rest.

The T'Varon, diverted to Starbase Twenty-five, communicated with us and we were ordered to rendezvous with them at the Riva Deep Space Station in two solar days. From there the ship was to head for the Klingon Neutral Zone to monitor reports of activity there.

Our two shuttles left Ariadnus amidst much gratitude from its populace. The leaders of the various communities had each confided to me that they considered my Vulcan ship-mates their saviours.

***

Spock issued rapid orders to his crew of six in a calm and steady voice, but I 'd sensed his horror when the other shuttle had exploded under Klingon bombardment.

"Switch to manual control, Mr Kirk Evasive action."

I struggled with my damaged console. The shuttle moved sluggishly but she responded. I tried to evade a phaser beam but it caught our aft section and we tumbled, out of control, and were thrown out of our seats. I scrambled back to my chair and hung onto the control panel. I had to right the ship. I was sure we had lost the aft section, but we, in the front, might still survive if we could land.

"Planet ahead, Mr Kirk. We will attempt a landing. It is our only chance."

"Aye, sir. I will try," I said.

"I have faith in you, Jim," Spock said.

I locked eyes with him for a second, drawing strength from him. I was not afraid to die but I would fight it until the bitter end. I smiled and returned to my duties. We hurtled towards a barren world at a speed I could not reduce. Flying the shuttle, more by the seat of my pants than anything else, I managed to right her.

"Enemy craft have broken off the attack and are departing," Spock reported.

They probably thought we had no chance of survival. Maybe they were right but I headed the ship anyway towards a landing site. Spock guided me with course changes and directions but it was becoming increasingly difficult to control her. I concentrated hard and tried to remain as calm as the others. I don't know if I succeeded.

All of a sudden, the ground rose up to meet us. The crash landing jarred my whole body and I was violently flung forward. I hit my head on something and blackness loomed. I fell...

Survival

I opened my eyes and groaned. My head was splitting. I wiped the blood from my face and looked around me. At first it was blurred then my eyes focussed and I saw that I'd been thrown clear. My relatively soft landing on thick shrubbery had probably saved me from serious injury.

Nearby, the shuttle lay in pieces. Three people lay amidst the debris. I crawled over and checked each one. Dead. They were all dead. Dr Starn's neck was broken. Drs T'Seir and T'Mira's heads were crushed. I forced my shock aside for I had to assess the situation. The craft was smoking with the heat of entry and the secondary power units were crackling dangerously. There could be an explosion and soon. Spock. Where was Spock?

I scrabbled around in the wreckage, calling his name, throwing everything aside in my desperation to find him. Then, I spied a booted foot. "Spock," I cried, pulling debris from him. A soft, padded seat lay across him, and I yanked it away and carefully turned him over. Let him be alive, I prayed. Please let him be alive.

I gasped with relief on seeing that, although unconscious, he still lived. I pushed the hair from his forehead and probed for injury. My fingers traced a bump on the back of his head but I cast out my fears for him. He was alive. The seat's cushioning had likely saved his life and hopefully had also prevented serious damage. Now, my priority was to get him to safety before the remains of the craft exploded.

I lifted him, he was no lightweight, and carried him to the patch of shrubbery that had broken my fall. I placed him down, forced my own shakiness aside, and returned to the broken ship. If we survived there would be time later for reaction. I searched for emergency survival gear. There was little left for most of the kits had been destroyed or lost, scattered who knew how far away. I found one intact kit, some extra food and water packs, a thermal blanket, two working phasers and an emergency beacon.

This world was bitterly cold. We would need to find shelter before nightfall, when the temperature was likely to drop furtherbut at least the atmosphere was breathable. I don't know if Spock had been able to ascertain anything about this planet during our descent. It could be completely unknown to us, unexplored, hostile, or there could be friendly inhabitants a few miles away.

Heavy flakes of snow began to fall. I shivered and looked at my barren surroundings. We had landed in a small valley; stark cliffs loomed up around us and seemed to crowd in on me. I am not claustrophobic, but the feeling of being enclosed by them was real and ominous. I shivered again. Time to move; I had to find some kind of shelter and soon. Vulcans were susceptible to the cold, and Spock, already injured, perhaps with concussion, would be particularly vulnerable to hypothermia.

I hurried back to him and wrapped the blanket around him. He was already very chilled and I knew that he urgently needed warmth. I scanned the cliff for signs of caves but the now heavy snow made visibility difficult. I strained to see. Was that a dark shadow on the cliff face, or was I imagining it? I couldn't tell but as it was our only hope I decided to try and reach it. We would freeze to death if we stayed here, or alternately go up with the shuttle. Neither were pleasant prospects.

I heard a soft moan. I lifted Spock's head with great care. "Spock, are you all right?" What an inane question. Of course he wasn't!

His eyes opened to stare at me in confusion. "Jim," he whispered and struggled to sit up. I helped him and supported him against me. "What..." he tried.

"We crashed," I reported, not able to make it any easier for him. As commander, he needed to know the facts. "The others are dead. I'm sorry there was nothing I could do. Spock, we have to find shelter. Can you stand."

He seemed to be having difficulty in understanding. The cold and that head wound were probably affecting his reasoning faculties. He shivered violently as the howling wind struck us in a freezing blast, and a flurry of snow bombarded us like knives of ice.

"Come on, Spock. We'll freeze here."

The snow was getting heavier; we would soon be in blizzard conditions. The urgency of our plight hastening my decision, I gathered up all the gear I had salvaged then bent to almost lift Spock to his feet. He swayed unsteadily; he was in no condition to walk unaided. Grabbing him around the back, I placed his arm around my shoulder and in this difficult and cumbersome manner we staggered towards the cliff face.

Spock was dazed, probably in shock, he was certainly not in a fit state to command so I took on the responsibility. He let me lead him but I had no idea where we were going. Snow blew into my face, almost blinding me, the stinging wind seemed to pierce my body and I didn't dare think what it was doing to Spock. He slumped, knocking me off-balance with his sudden dead weight, and fell to the ground pulling me with him. I groaned with despair but struggled to my feet. I had to find shelter or else we would both die in this very spot. Sheer terror gave me the strength to hoist him over my shoulder, drape the blanket around his shoulders, and continue onwards. After a time, it seemed like his weight had doubled but my Starfleet training came to my aid, that and the indisputable fact that my friend was alive. I felt the beating of his heart. Yet, I feared that he would die of hypothermia before I could find a safe haven.

Live, I willed him. You must live.

I reached the cliff face and followed it, by touch, along a narrow, weather beaten path. The journey seemed endless but I remained optimistic. I had seen a shadow. It had to be a cave, it had to. What else could it be? One part of my mind told me that it could be anything but another refused to believe it to be other than shelter for us. I wouldn't give up my search.

My hand touched emptiness, and my heart skipped a beat. I had found a lee in the rock face, perhaps a cavern. Turning into the gap and out of the blizzard, I found a narrow passageway. I slipped through and into a dry open space, very dark and still, and almost as freezing as outside but at least we didn't have to contend with the biting wind.

I lowered Spock to the ground and rearranged the blanket around him. We needed warmth at once. I could heat the rocks with phaser power and that would also supply some light. It was a temporary solution but would do for a time. Soon, several large rocks were giving out heat and I looked at our shelter. It was a small cavern with its stark, bare walls lit in an eerie glow from the phasered rocks

At least, we were safe for the moment. We were both wet, our boots soaked from the fall and trudging through the blizzard. I knelt by Spock and touched his face and hands. He was very cold. His fingers were like ice. Hypothermia was very dangerous to Vulcans. He needed warming up. I rubbed his hands briskly but barely made an impression. He needed more warmth; the heat from the rocks was inadequate in this cold, draughty cave.

I broke open the emergency kit and took out the thermal sleeping bag. As I touched the controls, I hoped it would work. These things were meant to be reliable but there had been occasions when they had failed. As the sleeping bag expanded from its compact shape into a size comfortably large for one, but could do for two if necessary, I pulled off Spock's wet boots and rubbed his feet. His long socks were still dry and had protected him, but the chill of his skin seeped through. I rubbed harder until I felt some warmth then returned my ministrations to his hands.

Body warmth was still the best emergency treatment for hypothermia. I didn't know what my reticent friend would think of such an arrangement but he had little choice in the matter. He would have to accept this rough and ready treatment for it was the only one I could think of - given the circumstances. If he lived, he could chastise me all he wanted - if only he would live.

It was awkward, but at last I managed to slide him into the sleeping bag. His blanket was wet so I spread it near the heated rocks to dry. It had protected Spock from becoming soaked through and he had sheltered me a little. My hair was wet, my shirt damp in places and I also was chilled and in danger from the cold. I pulled off my own boots, placed them beside Spock's, and with a deep breath wriggled into the sleeping bag beside my friend. I sealed us in. It was a tight squeeze. Luckily I had lost some weight in the last month or so and Spock was thin. I shifted around until reasonably comfortable then pulled him against me. I hoped and prayed that I was not too late to save him from the cold.

Some warmth spread into my chilled body. I slipped us both further down into the bag and rubbed at Spock's back and chafed his hands. They were still icy to the touch. I massaged his arm. "Spock, wake up. Don't die on me," I pleaded.

He had so recently become my friend in this alien Vulcan society I now lived in. He had shown me consideration and kindness. I couldn't bear to lose such a friend. I scarcely knew him but wanted to get to know him. There was so much to learn about him, his family, and his past. There had not been the time. I held him, something he would never have permitted, nor would I normally have dared to try. He had only reached for me once, in a handshake, the day he had acknowledged me as his friend. My emotions were painful to him. He could sense them all through physical contact, and sometimes even without touch.

Fear of losing him was uppermost in my mind. He had taken a nasty blow to the head. I dared not give him medication - it was too dangerous. I had no idea what to give him, nor did I know the extent of his injuries. All I could do to help was keep him warm and perhaps he would recover naturally.

How long was it until our rendezvous with the T'Varon? I didn't know how long I had been unconscious so there was no way to tell. My head ached and I could feel a dull throb from the various bruises I had acquired. I would set the emergency beacon later. Once we missed the rendezvous, the T'Varon would start looking for us. I didn't know how they'd find us, thrown off course as we'd been, but I had confidence in Captain T'Zen. If anyone could find us, it would be a ship of painstaking, methodical Vulcan officers. They wouldn't give up. I just hoped the Klingons wouldn't find us first.

I don't know how long I lay there. I must have dozed for I came to with a start at the sudden movement beside me. "Spock," I exclaimed, in the semi-darkness, searching his face.

"Jim," he whispered in a hoarse, shaky voice. "What... Where are we?"

The joy of seeing him alive and coherent was overwhelming. "You are alive." I pressed my face against his.

He struggled weakly in my grasp, and I eased back a little. He recoiled and tried to move away but there was nowhere for him to go. As he realised his confining surroundings, it was obvious how embarrassed he was. "Jim..." he murmured.

"Lie still," I ordered him. "You need to stay as warm as possible. You've been exposed to extreme cold. You are at risk from hypothermia. I found us this cave. We need to stay here out of the blizzard."

"I remember. The crash... the shuttle..." His teeth were chattering.

"Yes. I salvaged what I could. You were unconscious."

"How did I get here?" he asked.

"I carried you most of the way," I replied.

"The others?" he asked tentatively.

"None survived the crash."

He was silent as he digested that. To lose a crew was a commander's nightmare. "There was nothing you could have done," I tried to reassure. I had also lost men and women under my command and knew the self recrimination he would feel.

"I'll get you some food and a hot drink," I said. To venture into the cold was the last thing I wanted to do but Spock needed some nourishment. The icy air hit me like a phaser blast but I forced myself to leave the warmth. I renewed the heat to the rock and close to the light, took stock of our rations. There were twelve self-heating drinks, some nutritional concentrate bars and vitalizer pills. Not gourmet fare but enough to survive on for a few days - if carefully rationed.

Spock waved away the nutri-bars but accepted a heated drink. Weakness overtook him as he tried to hold the container, and he almost spilled it. I took it from him, lifted his head, and held it to his lips. He sipped a little, then pushed my hand away, unable to swallow more. I eased him down, ate half a bar of the sweet concentrate then finished the rest of his drink. It wasn't as good as coffee but it warmed me a little.

I set the emergency beacon by the entrance, for I didn't dare leave the protection of the cavern. I shuddered as gusts of wind whistled down the passageway, and I hurried back. The blanket was almost dry. I pulled it round my shoulders and sat by the already cooling rocks, wrapping my arms around my chest in an attempt to conserve some heat.

Spock needed privacy. The shock of waking to find himself in a human's arms must have been devastating. My teeth began to chatter but I tried to hide it. How could we stay confined in such a small space. Spock, with that natural reserve of his, would never tolerate it. Look how he had recoiled on realising his situation? Vulcans avoided touch, even with a friend, though I had to admit that even two humans would find it impossible to cope with such cramped conditions.

I wondered how long our phaser packs would last, if they were used to keep the rocks heated. In case of wild animals, or some other form of attack, I would have to save some energy. I charged the cooling rocks again and wondered if something in their composition absorbed the phaser power. The heat should have lasted longer than it had.

"Jim." Spock's voice intruded on my shivery vigil. "This cold is also dangerous to you."

"I will be all right for a time. I am getting some heat here." I lied to him. I'd give him as much time to himself as possible. I owed him that. "I am sorry that I could only find one emergency kit. The rest must have been scattered or destroyed." I rubbed my hands and stuck them under my armpits. It was so damn cold. It permeated everything.

"Jim, please return."

"No. I am all right."

"Do I have to make it an order?" Spock asked, in a surprisingly sharp tone. He had seen through my lies.

I grinned a little, shook my head, and snuggled back into the sleeping bag. To give us extra warmth, I draped the blanket over us. The heat was a blessed relief but I stayed as far from Spock as possible - a fraction away from touching him - and lay on my side. What a ridiculous position to be in with a Vulcan, with Spock! There had to be some humour in it, but I could not quite see it.

"Jim, you saved my life. I thank you." Spock's voice shook.

To hell with Vulcan restraint. I found his chilled hands and rubbed them. "No protests, Spock," I said, before he could object. "The first rule is survival."

Lifting his hands, I blew my warm breath on them. I needed to restore his circulation. With stoicism, he bore my ministrations and after a while, a semblance of his body heat returned. As I continued to rub his fingers more gently, he cleared his throat. "Jim, your methods are... unusual but they are effective."

I chuckled. "Unusual methods in an unusual situation." I was a bit warmer myself now. The hard work of these last minutes had helped me as well. I would have to monitor Spock carefully though. Hypothermia was a tricky thing. Spock was far from well and needed constant warmth. Then there was his head injury. It worried me.

"Are your feet warm?" I asked.

He gulped. "Affirmative."

"Are you sure?" I asked. Vulcans don't lie, so they say, but I didn't know if he was telling me the whole truth.

"You need not touch my feet," he replied curtly.

I almost laughed. It was ridiculous. He was afraid of me, uncertain of what I might do to him. Poor Spock, unused to human behaviour and scared of losing his dignity, stuck here in a sleeping bag with me.

"I will do whatever is necessary to keep you warm," I told him. "If your feet are cold, you must tell me."

"I shall inform you, if they become cold," he said.

"Spock," I warned.

His tension was almost painful. "I promise."

"Very well, how do you feel now?" I wouldn't pursue the matter for the moment, and could only hope that his reserve and embarrassment would not make him foolish.

"I have been attempting a check on my internal functions. It has been difficult."

"I distracted you." I grinned.

"Indeed. It is difficult to ignore such concentrated attention."

He shivered again and without a thought for Vulcan sensibilities - I had coped with enough of them - I wrapped my arms about him. His surprise rocked me as if it were my very own. "Survival, Spock. Forget your pride. You are shivering, you are chilled. Let me warm you. Allow yourself to lean on me." I tried to reason with him. "I know I am governed by impulses and feelings that are distasteful to you but I am your friend. Your welfare is very important to me. Please think about what I say. Where is the logic in refusing my help?

He remained tense for a few moments then began to relax. I was relieved that he was beginning to see sense and didn't comment when he withdrew inwards for a time. He was using his ability to check his own injuries and internal functions. I lay there trying to still my thoughts in order not to distract him again, and almost dozed.

He eventually spoke. "My head injury is beginning to heal. I have a mild concussion. My body heat-sense functions have been inhibited due to exposure to the extreme cold." He hesitated and I clearly sensed his embarrassment. How was this possible? Was it the physical proximity? Or could it be the head injury he had sustained was causing mental leakage? "Vulcans have an ability - our heat sense - to endure low temperatures when in a conscious state. It is possible to raise our body temperatures to compensate. Mine was damaged. It will take time to repair the harm that has been done." He paused again and frowned. "I would have died very quickly, if you had not warmed me. Forgive me, I am experiencing difficulty in explaining myself. I believe that to be due to the head injury."

I was very worried. "You're still in danger then. Tell me how to help you." He had to let me give him whatever help I could.

"My temperature must not drop below the safety level again. This time it will kill me. I am sorry to be such a burden on you, Jim. I wish I did not have to be dependent on you. I ask pardon for..."

"Spock," I interrupted. " there is no need to apologise. It is my duty and my privilege to help you. I am your friend. I can keep you warm. I will not let you die. Just... do not let it bother you being confined in here with me. Relax. We are friends and there is nothing - and I stress nothing - to be embarrassed about. I am not saying that it will not be difficult for you, for me also, but we must survive this."

"My training in denial of emotion and the need for strict personal privacy is difficult to break, Jim. We are taught independence, self sufficiency and detachment."

I touched his ear. The skin was cold and taut and I absently rubbed it until it had warmed. "Survival, my friend, is more important. Surely you were taught that if the time came when you could not, through no fault of your own, be self sufficient it was no disgrace to rely on another? Especially when that other is your friend." I drew his head onto my shoulder, despite the resistance I felt on the back of his neck. "Permit me to help you. Use my warmth, Spock. It is all yours."

I meant every word. Spock's vulnerability to the cold, his still precarious health, had brought home to me just how much I valued him. I would give anything to help him. I would even give my life if it could save his.

Suddenly, he surrendered to my words, perhaps even my thoughts and burrowed against me like a child. I was pleased by his trust and tightened my hold on him with a fierce protectiveness. He returned the embrace and relaxed. Contentment filled me and I drifted into a strange trance-like state. I had never before felt so close to somebody, not even with any member of my family. A glowing warmth enveloped us that came not only from our combined body heat but beyond that from some kind of inner glow. I had briefly tasted something like this during that confusing time when Spock had healed me after Selek's attack. Spock's reassuring presence was somehow within my mind. I tried to speak but the words were unable to pass my lips. I only had to think his name, though, and he answered me inside my head.

What is happening? I asked.

We have slipped into mind-link, he answered. Please forgive. I shall withdraw.

No, I cried. I didn't want to lose this amazing, warm togetherness. Please stay.

Jim, you are unique. You are not afraid. You are content here.

There is nothing to be afraid of, Spock. We are together.

His mind voice sounded puzzled. Such intimacy does not upset you?

My amusement startled him. No! Here we are in a closeness totally unimaginable to humans, and all I can feel is warm.

I too, Jim. You are healing me.

That made me happy. I was helping, healing him he said. I had never experienced such deep fulfilment. I could almost forget our danger, trapped on a barren wasteland of an unknown planet with little hope of rescue. I don't know how long we lay there together, floating in the essence of one another in harmony and peace. We had made a major breakthrough in our relationship, one that I couldn't quite understand but it was obvious that we could never deny the bond that now united us.

It is the bond of brotherhood, Spock informed me.

My interest was piqued. Brotherhood? Tell me about it.

We call it t'hy'la. Two who join spontaneously in a spiritual meeting of mind and soul. Telepaths understand, and take an active part in such a relationship. He paused then added, Even if just one has telepathic ability, he can assist the other to participate - if that other is willing.

Oh, I am willing, I replied.

I know, he replied. However, you do not need much assistance. You are the catalyst. You reached me by some method of your own, one that I do not comprehend. You asked me once what had happened when I healed you from the damage inflicted by Selek. I did not then dare believe it. I could not, but it was true. During the healing meld you reached inwards and caught me. I could not escape from your emotional responses nor your intensity of purpose. You knew not what you were doing, Jim, but you had recognised in me the one who is your balance, your other self, your brother in spirit, your t'hy'la.

I listened with growing awe and delight. T'hy'la. It was an unfamiliar word but I translated it as bond-brother. You knew it too, Spock. I recalled his kindness to me, his consideration to the human outsider on his ship, then his puzzling and hurtful rejection as he feared to get too close to me.

Yes, I was afraid of you, he admitted on catching my thoughts. I still am, he added with startling honesty.

My human emotions? I cannot blame you, Spock. I am sorry if I disturb you. I am sorry I am not Vulcan.

Do not apologise, Jim. It is fated. I must learn to accept you as you are and not fear anything. You have accepted me. I can do no less.

I was moved by his bravery in that willingness to expose himself to my unrestrained, emotional humanity, in a friendship closer than any other. I would not cause you distress, Spock. Teach me Vulcan restraint. I do not want to bombard you with all my feeling. That is not fair.

He reassurance calmed my fears. If you will teach me how to be more human, at least with you.

My joy at his thoughts overflowed and must have shocked him, for he gasped inwardly. I reined my emotions in and said, I do not know how to teach you that, Spock. I can only give you the love of a friend - a brother.

Is it pleasant? I have never known this.

On hearing that admission, I felt like weeping but from happiness or pity I couldn't tell. Very pleasant, I replied. Are you unaware of it? I have felt that for you, almost from the beginning.

The open concern, the wish for my approval, the need for physical contact, the desire for my company, he reeled off.

I laughed. Yes, that about sums it up. All of that and more. Amazing that he had sensed so much about me.

It is most illogical, he commented.

I felt very content now, barely able to comprehend the depth of friendship he offered me, and willing to enter into and accept the telepathic dimension unknown amongst humans. There was nothing to fear in such a relationship with him. From the start, I had needed contact with him, instinctively knowing it to be right. I had been clumsy about it, partly due to my lack of knowledge about Vulcan customs and reserve. It had all been impossible until the healing meld. Was that only three weeks ago?

He shifted, and withdrew a little. "Spock!" I opened my eyes in alarm.

The cave was pitch black.

Basics

I stuck my head out of the sleeping bag. It was colder than ever. I scrabbled about and found the emergency kit, opened it and rummaged around until I located a lighting panel. I switched it on, and its cheerful glow kept the darkness at bay. That made me feel a bit more secure. I picked up a concentrate bar and burrowed down into the warmth again, beside my companion. Breaking the bar in half, I offered him a piece. "Eat. You need some nourishment."

He obeyed me without question and I watched him in the shadowy light to make sure he finished it all. I wondered at the strange twist of fate that had brought us here, two survivors out of fourteen. Life was so unfair. Those dedicated Vulcan scientists had saved so many lives on Ariadnus, only to die in that unprovoked Klingon attack. What a waste of so many exceptional people.

Everyone in Starfleet knew and accepted the risks but I would never get used to death. I'd never submit to it and would fight tooth and nail to protect my friend from its icy grasp.

The howl of the storm penetrated our quiet cavern. I was relieved to be in here, inhospitable and chilly as it was. I forced myself to sit up and open up another drink. I handed it to Spock, and this time he was able to take more of it.

"That is most unhygienic," he commented as I finished off the drink.

I shrugged. "You do not have anything contagious. Do you?"

He raised a brow. I am unaware of any contagious diseases but germs are always present in a person's mouth."

"I'll take the risk, Spock, " I said with a small grin. "We need to ration our supplies anyway." He was beginning to speak more like himself now. An excellent sign. "I am going to lose more weight! Bones will be delighted."

"Who is 'Bones'?" he asked.

"A friend. He is a doctor."

"Dr Bones. What a peculiar name!"

I hooted with laughter. In his innocence, Spock didn't realise that it was my own affectionate nickname for my old friend, and doctor, Leonard McCoy. It was the best laugh I'd had in months. I pressed my hand to my side, then stopped as another problem presented itself with an urgency that couldn't be denied for long. I sure didn't want to go outside; didn't dare think what the cold would do to such a vulnerable part of me. There had to be an alternative. I moved the light panel around, trying to take a closer look at my surroundings. I caught a glimpse of a narrow exit, perhaps to another cave. Maybe that could be utilised.

There also was Spock to be considered. Did Vulcans have better bladder control than humans? Even so, he would sooner or later have the same problem as I did. I couldn't risk him leaving the sleeping bag. How to approach the subject?

I scooted down beside him, trying not to poke him with my elbows. I took a deep breath. "Spock, do you... umm.. I must... I mean... uh...do you?" Why was I finding this so difficult? I wouldn't with any other man, nor woman for that matter. Such normal functions were a part of life.

"Jim?" he asked, bemused.

"I need to..." I faltered. "Do you?"

"Jim, you are not making sense. Please explain the problem." He had obviously lost patience with me.

"I need to pass urine," I finally blurted out. "Do you? There is a sanitary unit in the survival kit."

He stared at me for a very long moment and I almost squirmed. Such mundane and basic matters didn't seem correct topics of conversation to be having with him.

During academy survival training each one had taken turns at being a casualty for the others to practise their first aid and nursing skills. The use of these sanitary units had caused us embarrassed teenagers a lot of amusement. Gary's demonstration of other uses for the units had reduced us all to hysterics. Now, in reality, with a Vulcan patient, it was no laughing matter.

"You cannot leave the sleeping bag. It is too cold," I reasoned with him.

After an interminable moment he agreed. "You are correct, Jim."

I could not help but smile a fraction at the greenish tinge at the tip of his ears. My poor Vulcan friend, so helpless and dependent on me, so embarrassed in a way no human would be.

Suffice to say, he managed the whole procedure in silence and complete dignity. I had to admire his control. As for myself, I remained calm and detached during this potentially awkward situation like any good nurse. I was quite proud of myself. I dealt with my own needs as quickly as possible, and chilled through, I was glad to return to the warmth of the sleeping bag. Nothing seemed able to heat this cave; charging the rocks was a waste of time and power packs that might yet be needed for protection.

I settled down to find Spock tense with me again. The interlude with the sanitary unit had bothered him then. I sighed and wondered how we were going to survive here. I couldn't get comfortable. Every way I stretched out brought me into contact with him. He would give a start each time then try to edge away. The situation was impossible.

"Spock, what is wrong with you?" I complained. "Why are you so tense? Why are you afraid of physical contact when we have been in such close telepathic communication? It is illogical."

"I do not know," he replied. "I agree that it is illogical."

"You are not thinking straight. You are exhausted and hurt. You must sleep. Are you warm enough?"

"Affirmative," he replied tightly.

"If we ever get out of this, you will never want to see me again," I commented. "There is a Terran saying - 'Familiarity breeds contempt' - that I think sums it all up." I was unhappy now and worried. Deep in the mind meld we have truly been close to one another but to exist in this kind of physical proximity was impossible for anyone. It was a recipe for disaster. "I am sorry you are forced to endure this."

I bit back my sudden depression and tried to find some kind of relief in sleep. Despite my tiredness, it evaded me and I lay there, stiff, tense, and afraid to move in case I might offend him further with my touch. I couldn't blame him. He had endured enough of my emotions.

He shifted about and I tried to edge farther back. I couldn't move now, trapped here with someone who found my presence repugnant. Suddenly, his fingers closed about my arm. Startled I opened my eyes.

"Jim, you saved my life. You have done everything possible to provide me with warmth. I am ashamed that I am causing you such unhappiness. I am unworthy of your friendship. I humbly ask your pardon."

My heart lifted at those words. He was never afraid of questioning and reconsidering his position if he was wrong. His honesty was admirable. Everything about him was demanded respect. "It is all right, Spock, There is no need to ask for my pardon. I respect your need for privacy and I only wish I could give you that, but it is much too cold."

"To cause another such pain is unforgivably cruel. I wish that I could make amends, Jim."

"Spock, enough," I murmured. If you need to be forgiven , then I forgive you. Now let us forget it."

His next words caught me by surprise. "Would you come into a mind meld with me again, Jim?"

I could scarcely believe that he had asked that. "I thought you needed privacy," I said lamely.

"I do not require privacy at this time. Perhaps we could play chess."

"Chess! In the meld!" I exclaimed.

"Affirmative."

"I do not believe it."

In the end, I had to accept it. He maintained the image of the chess board with all its pieces and every move. He still had me defeated in minutes. My chagrin, then my amusement, swept us both but I felt much better now; pleasantly relaxed. I wanted to converse with him, even have another chess game, but my exhausted mind refused to obey me and I crashed into welcome sleep.

Trapped

I awoke to a strange stillness. Spock still slept, so not to disturb him, I slipped out of the bag, pulled on my boots and headed for the entrance. The temperature in the cave seemed a little higher now and I soon found out the reason. A wall of solid, hard packed snow blocked the entrance. We were well and truly trapped now.

I returned to Spock, who was now awake and leaning on his elbow. I reported my discovery and he raised his eyebrow. "If the T'Varon does not rescue us, we will have to use our phasers to melt the snow, or else find another exit. We cannot stay here indefinitely."

"You are not going anywhere, Spock," I demanded. "I will not allow you to get cold again. You are still too weak."

"I believe that I am commanding officer," he said.

I was delighted that he had responded in a command tone. It was another good sign. "You are temporarily relieved of command, sir," I said in a formal manner.

"On what grounds?" he demanded.

Better and better. "Due to your injuries, sir," I replied. "Now lie down and keep warm."

"You have an unfortunate tendency towards issuing orders to me." There was a glint of something, perhaps humour in his eyes.

I chuckled. "Indulge me."

He sighed with resignation, lay down and closed his eyes. "Yes, Captain," he murmured.

I gave a start. Was he being sarcastic? No- that was impossible. He never used sarcasm. Probably didn't know how. He opened his eyes, gave his head a little shake, then looked up at me puzzled, I think, by what he had just called me.

I knelt beside him. "You are still a bit confused. Let me check your head." He permitted me to trace the bump at the back of his skull. "It does not seem as swollen as before. Does it hurt?"

"I am now able to control the pain," he said, "but cannot achieve healing trance to repair the damage. I do not dare lower my body temperature. I could slip below the safety margin and into hypothermia."

"Spock, I wish I were Vulcan. I wish I could heal you." I felt so inadequate.

Amazingly, his lips parted in a smile. "You do heal me, Jim, in your own particular way."

I swallowed the big lump in my throat and returned the smile. How could I not? He had given me what he would no other. That smile was a gift and I would always remember it. "Yes, you said that in the meld. How? I do not understand."

"I am not sure, Jim. I can only speculate that somehow, with your indomitable will, you bolstered my weakened condition and passed a part of your strength to me."

"I was not aware of it," I responded.

"It was spontaneous. The bond of t'hy'la operates on a deep level. It is a fascinating phenomenon and to my knowledge, exists only amongst Vulcans."

Life in our galaxy was weird and wonderful but this inner world between Spock and I was truly amazing.

As the day progressed it began to get colder. I exercised in an attempt to loosen up my cramped muscles and to keep warm. Also Spock needed room to breathe and be by himself for a while. I took a flashlight from our supplies, and did some exploring of the cave system. I didn't go far. I was afraid to leave Spock for too long, just in case his condition deteriorated.

A sudden, loud animal roar shocked me. I swivelled to find fierce, gleaming feral eyes staring at me out of a dark feline face. I scrambled out of the way just as it jumped; sharp claws raking for my face. I grabbed the phaser from my belt but I was slow - too slow - against its superior animal responses. It knocked the weapon from my hand, scratching my arm, drawing blood. It let out a shrill scream as it withdrew. I yelped with pain, stumbled, and fell to the ground. The animal hissed at me, bared its large, menacing teeth, and pawed me again. It knew I was weakened and was toying with me. I edged away, only vaguely aware of the blood oozing from my scratches. All I could think of was my sick, helpless friend. How would he survive if I was killed? I had to get back to him, protect him from this beast. I pressed up against hard rock; amazingly the flashlight was still in my hand. A chill permeated my whole body. I was cornered here, the prey of this alien wild cat.

I searched around and found a small, hard stone. I threw it at the cat and my aim was true. The animal screamed. I scrabbled about for more, and threw them as hard as I could. It wasn't much but it was my only defence. A wound in my arm began to throb and it became difficult to concentrate but I forced myself to think clearly; I would not give up for Spock's life was at stake. I had to protect him at all cost.

The animal reared up on its hind legs, and screeched, ready to spring at me. My heart pounded with fear. NO. I wasn't ready to die. I mustn't die.

A phaser beam sliced through the cave, The animal disintegrated, still screaming, then only a faint echo remained. That too, stopped and familiar silence descended. I fought to control my ragged breathing and looked up to see Spock standing by the cave entrance. I groaned and sobbed a little with relief. Pulling myself together, I staggered to my feet, spotted my phaser lying several feet away and retrieved it. I clutched it in my hand.

"Spock," I yelled, in an explosive release of emotion. "What the hell are you doing out of the sleeping bag. I spoke in English. Vulcan had no hell.

I lurched over to him and he caught me. We supported one another back to our cavern where we both fell on top of the sleeping bag in a tangled heap.

"Let me see your arm, Jim," Spock said.

"I'm all right. You get inside. Keep warm." I had forgotten all my knowledge of the Vulcan language. "Get inside the damn sleeping bag."

He disentangled himself from me and sat up. "Not until I see your arm."

I conceded and he lifted my arm very carefully, checked the extent of the injuries, gave me a shot of antibiotic, then set to work on cleaning the scratches with antiseptic cleanser from the medikit. I think I must have been in a state of shock, for all I could think of was Spock becoming hypothermic again. This place was still freezing, despite being blocked in. I was totally fixated in my worry for him and not concerned at all about myself. "Spock, keep yourself warm. Get into the sleeping back will you?" His hands were so cold. "Spock, do as I tell you." His temperature was going to drop again. This time he would not survive it. "Spock," I pleaded. "You're frozen. Get into the warmth. I'm okay. Why won't you listen to me?"

"Be quiet," he ordered. "These scratches must be attended to. I am all right for the moment."

His quiet authority calmed me and I allowed him to continue, although I watched him for any signs of illness. Finally, he looked at me, smiled just a fraction them wiped my hands and face with a cleansing pad. He closed the medikit. "I will return to my bed, now," he said.

I watched as he slid into the sleeping bag. I believe he was thankful to return. I looked at the passage to the other cave, and wondered if there were any other wild animals around. Most cats were solitary creatures but I decided to block up the opening anyway. At least it would stop anything large getting in here. It was difficult work but I managed it. I was panting with the effort of lifting heavy rocks with one arm, but at least I was warmer now. Exhausted, I returned to my companion, knelt by him, and glanced down at my dirty hands. He looked at them too and shook his head a fraction. I grinned, reached for the cleansing pads, and wiped my fingers.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"Affirmative. However, I am a trifle chilled. Will you give me some of your warmth?"

I was delighted that he was not too embarrassed to ask me. "Gladly. I have plenty to spare now."

I kicked off my boots and soon was enclosed in the welcome confinement of the sleeping bag. I settled into a comfortable hold with my bond-brother and, after a short time had passed, the ache in my arm diminished, and the pain and shock of the encounter with the animal, my brush with death, dissolved. His healing touch had been filtering through me, without me realising it.

Our thoughts merged. You took a terrible risk in coming to save me, I rebuked him.

Should I not have come to your rescue? he inquired.

I relaxed into the mind-link. Only his intervention had saved me from death in that cave. He had braved the cold to rescue me, despite knowing the risk to himself. I'd call that selfless. I imagined body heat flowing from me to him to envelop his chilled body. It was all I could do to help him.

I am sorry I yelled at you. I feared for your life, I said.

It is my life, Jim. If I wish to offer it for yours then I will do so.

At those words, a shudder ran through me and I wept as the cumulative shocks since the crash caught up with me. His familiar presence surrounded me, supported me, until my tears were spent. My tensions eased and I drifted in the meld with him. Never before had I known such a deep contentment of soul.

After a time we began to converse. I told him about my upbringing, my family, and friends then he spoke a little about his own. The son of Sarek, the Vulcan ambassador who had informed me about my assignment here, and a human woman, Amanda Grayson, his had been a strict, rigorous and lonely childhood. His mother, after adapting to Vulcan ways, had agreed to raise her son in his father's tradition of logic and non-emotion. She had shown him little affection. He only remembered her touch, her kiss, from a very young age. I wondered what kind of human could so deny her own heritage.

All his life, he had been forced to suppress his humanity, and had become more austere than most other Vulcans. He had excelled in all his studies, showing aptitudes in the sciences, computers, and mathematics. Joining Starfleet's Vulcan wing had been a personal decision; one his father had opposed. However, Vulcan's most respected fleet admirals had spoken on Spock's behalf and Sarek consented to his son's career choice.

Spock's rise in rank had been meteoric. His brilliance acknowledged by the admiralty, he had been given the post of science officer of the T'Varon at an age when most others were still junior lieutenants. There had been a few, like Selek, who opposed him. They were in a minority who disliked humans, and half-humans even more. The decision makers of Vulcan's admiralty, saw only an exceptionally gifted officer and had no qualms about promoting him.

During his young life, Spock had known a loneliness greater than any I had ever experienced. Until my arrival on the T'Varon, he had never found anyone who could breach his isolation. He had resisted, not understanding, afraid to respond to the link that was being forged between us. In the end, he had been forced to accept it. Logic had dictated no other choice. Here trapped with me, he had succumbed totally to the strengthening bond. Had it happened because of his weakened state, or by his own free will? I was still full of self doubt, but right now I didn't much care. All that mattered was that he let me help him.

I had come to care about him in the same way I did my brother, Sam. Yet, the rapidity with which my feelings had grown, and the intensity of them was scary. Was this strange melding of mind and soul a normal part of the bond of brotherhood? T'hy'la, he had called it. I knew so little, yet I didn't fear it. I had reached for and welcomed it eagerly. I wondered why.

It has never been scientifically explained, Spock answered my thoughts. The ancient poets described it as the must mysterious of interpersonal bonds. It happens. That is a fact. Therefore it must be accepted.

It truly is mysterious, I agreed.

As pleasant drowsiness seeped through me, I drifted into sleep. My favourite dream began. I sat in the centre seat. Spock stood at my side and called me captain. It felt so right. It was so natural and secure. It was exhilarating.

Intrusion

The whine of weapons fire awoke me. My body's trained reflexes screamed for release but the constrictions of the sleeping bag held me back. I struggled out - too late - just as a booted foot kicked our phasers out of reach. I tried to get to my feet but a rough kick to the small of my back sent me sprawling.

The Klingons must have picked up our beacon signal, and decided to come here and finish off the last remaining survivors of their attack. I glanced to the side and noticed the traces of melted snow near the exit. The Klingons must have beamed down outside and melted the ice with their disrupters.

I twisted around and grabbed the ankles of the nearest Klingon. To my great satisfaction, I brought him down. Although still weak from my various ordeals, the melds with Spock had given me inner strength and confidence. Using that plus every scrap of skill and gutter-fighting instinct I possessed, I fought my opponent. It was a dirty, vicious slug-match but I had to defeat him. Our lives were at stake here.

Spock battled the other Klingon. He was too weak to take on a fully trained Klingon warrior. I had to help him. With an explosive burst of power, born of desperation, I finished my enemy off with a forceful knee into his crotch and a hard karate chop to the neck. Spinning around, I saw Spock apply his fingers to the base of his Klingon's neck. With a cry, the powerful warrior crashed to the ground, unconscious. So that was the famous Vulcan nerve pinch in action.

"Against the wall," a harsh voice rang out, in standard.

Spock and I glanced at one another in disappointment. So more had beamed down, or perhaps only waited outside. I searched for the phasers and spied them close to the feet of the two new Klingons threatening us with disrupters.. How could we take them on? It was impossible. Before we could move a centimetre, they would shoot us dead. I checked our felled opponents. Their weapons were still attached to their belts, and they were near. It might work, if I could get Spock to play along.

I held out my hands in appeal. "My companion is ill. We crashed here and he was seriously injured." I glanced over at him, and noted his unhealthy pallor. "He is near collapse. Please let me help him."

Feign it, I tried to send my thoughts. Try to get us a weapon.

His eyes seemed to flash but that might have been my imagination.

"A Vulcan and a human," the leader said. He was the tallest here and there was an air of command about him. I didn't like the vicious smile on his face. It didn't bode well for either of us. "Well, well, what is happening to Starfleet? So, you are Kirk. The whole galaxy has heard of the human chosen to serve on a Vulcan ship." He sneered.

As he spoke, I had been slowly edging closer to Spock. The Klingon's knowledge about me was interesting. He was obviously curious, so how was I to play this? Perhaps the weak, terrified, human might work, appealing to his superior attitude as a Klingon warrior. All of his people were contemptuous of humans.

I drew on my acting skills. "Please, let me help my companion. I appeal to you, sir." I made my voice break and I cowered against the wall.

Spock raised a brow but didn't speak, as I sidled closer and took hold of his arm. "Lean on me," I said aloud. Collapse, Spock, I ordered him silently. Now.

He doubled over and I put my arms around him, as he fell to his knees. I leaned over him and tried to hide his surreptitious attempt to reach the prone Klingon's disrupter.

The leader guffawed with mirth. "Such weakness from a Vulcan! I expected such from a weakling human not a 'superior' being like a Vulcan." He strode over and dragged me up, pressing the disrupter against my forehead. I stared up at him with defiance, but remembering my act, I looked down again. I dared not arouse his anger in case he took it out on Spock. I wasn't afraid of him but if he thought I was, we still might have a chance. He laughed at my 'meekness' and flung me against the wall.

"Drop it, Vulcan, or the human dies," he ordered.

His disrupter didn't waver. Damn. He had known what we were trying to do. Spock looked up at me then handed the weapon over to the second Klingon. For his pains, he was given a vicious kick to the ribs. I started towards him but the leader stepped forward, his finger set to fire his disrupter.

I swallowed my fear. I needed to get to Spock and protect him. "Please do not harm him. He is ill." I wondered if my act was really fooling him.

The leader only smiled, muttered something in his own language, then his second aimed at me. "One wrong move, human, and he dies. It is obvious that he is ill and would not withstand much torture. His life is in your hands." He picked up our sleeping bag. "What is this? Comforts for soft humans and Vulcans? Klingons do not need such luxuries." With very little effort, he tore it into several pieces and threw them away.

I groaned inwardly. It had been our refuge, our warm place. It had probably saved Spock from the effects of hypothermia. If we survived this, how would he endure the cold now?

The Klingon picked up a nutri-bar and ate it. "Very nice," he commented. He ate several more, handed the others to his companion then started on the drinks. He drained them in large gulps and belched. "Delicious," he said.

As they consumed our meagre supplies, the two Klingons conversed in their own language. I watched them with bitterness for a moment before turning my attention to Spock. He lay on the ground and his breathing was harsh. What had that kick to the ribs done to him? I held my breath as I saw him edging closer to me - inch by painful inch - and the felled Klingon. I looked away in case I drew our captors attention to him.

"So, human, you crashed here." The leader approached me. "How unfortunate for you." He hardly sounded sympathetic. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Commander Kiron."

"I wish I could say I am pleased to see you, Commander," I replied with a certain insolence that I was unable to hide. Well, it would probably been lost on him anyway. "You already know my name, I see."

He bowed but it was mocking. "Commander James Kirk, the human bridge between the other races of the Federation and the Vulcans. The 'superior' Vulcans. Hah!" He looked down at Spock, now lying perfectly still, and with a humourless laugh kicked him in the side. Spock groaned and I could not restrain my shudder at the fear of him being kicked in the heart. "So, it bothers you if this Vulcan is hurt."

I took real fright then. "Why should it?" I denied as carelessly as I could. "I owe him nothing. Vulcans are cold, unemotional beings. He is a ship-mate, nothing more."

There was disbelief on Kiron's face. "You amuse me, Kirk." He laughed again. "Perhaps I will let you live. However, this Vulcan is poor company." He pointed his disrupter at Spock. "He will die."

"NO!" I yelled. He could not kill my friend, the one who had become closer than a brother. Throwing myself at him, I wrestled with him for control of the disrupter. He was bigger and stronger than me but I was fighting for Spock's life. That would give me the edge. The other Klingon stood back and watched his commander fight, no doubt expecting him to toss aside the weak human. Well, we'd see about that.

Kiron knocked me over with a heavy backhand swipe. I half-fell to my knees and, regaining my balance almost immediately, I seized the opportunity and head-butted him in the groin. It had the full force of my body behind it and, with a shout, he fell backwards.

"Stop," the second Klingon cried, and aimed a weapon at me.

I froze. A disrupter whined, and I launched myself to the side, knowing it was hopeless. I was too slow. I was going to die. I braced myself for impact. Spock, I cried out in silence.

Seconds passed, and I still lived. I looked up to see Spock with a disrupter in his hand, and the second Klingon on the ground. Under cover of Kiron's battle with me, Spock had reached his target and saved my life. With a grin, I scooped up Kiron's weapon and backed away from the furious and pained commander. I hastened to where Spock now knelt on the ground, his weakness only too apparent, his face more ashen then ever. He looked at me, nodded and I returned the gesture. He had just turned command over to me.

Not daring to think how ill he must be to do this, I pointed the disrupter at the leader. "All right, Kiron. Get up."

The big Klingon staggered to his feet, and impaled me with a look of such hatred that should have shrivelled me where I stood. I only laughed at him, for I had the upper hand now. The beep of Kiron's communicator startled us all. What should I do? How could I stop more Klingons from beaming down. If Kiron didn't answer, and armed group could well transport down.

"I understand Klingonese," Spock said, in a painful whisper.

I could almost sense what he suffered and my worry for him intensified, but I was the acting commander and had to concentrate on dealing with the enemy. "All right, Kiron. Answer it but be very careful. I know how to fire this and have no qualms about using it."

"I do not doubt it," he said.

He opened his communicator and spoke. Spock translated for me. "Commander Kiron. Report."

"Orders from high command, sir. We are to return to base at once. A Federation ship has been sighted near the neutral zone."

Maybe it was the T'Varon, on its way to search for us. Kiron looked at me.

"Tell them to hold," I said. He obeyed then closed his communicator. "Now, Commander," I continued. "I could kill you and these sleeping beauties here or I could let you leave. Which would you prefer?"

He stood straight. "Life and death mean nothing to a Klingon warrior."

I shook my head. Did he take me for a fool? "I think your own life is precious to you, Kiron."

He almost smiled. "You are clever, Kirk. Very well. What is the price for my life?"

"You will order supplies: food, water, blankets, heating units, to be beamed down here. Then you will leave this place and not return."

He bared large yellow teeth in an ugly grimace. "Very well."

His too speedy compliance was suspicious, and that was confirmed when I heard Spock's gasp. I whirled round and was confronted by the warrior I had felled earlier. He had attacked Spock, and now hit me across the face, and knocked me to the ground. Kiron pounced, wrenched the disrupter from my hand and stood back laughing.

"I could kill you and the Vulcan now but that would be too easy for you. I will leave you to starve or freeze. Either will do. They are both painful deaths. Once the Federation vessel is destroyed, I will return. If you still live," he grinned, "I will take much pleasure in killing you."

I lay there, winded, amidst the ruins of our safe haven as the Klingons beamed back to their ship. Maybe it would have been better if they had killed us. I dismissed the negative thought - there was no time for it - and crawled over to Spock who lay curled up, breathing harshly. Ignoring my own aches and pains, I gathered the bits of the sleeping bag that Kiron had scattered, and the blanket, that he had not noticed. I covered Spock with them, as best I could, and tried to make him comfortable. Luckily, the medikit was still intact and I was able to give Spock a strong analgesic, for I doubted he'd be able to summon his own pain control now. As I cleaned up his face, I worried about those kicks he had received. They must have hurt him badly; the internal injuries could be serious.

My touch seemed to relax him but he didn't speak; perhaps it was too much of an effort for him. As I settled him down, he watched with eyes full of trust and in some strange way, I was content. The beacon still sent its signal. Our phasers lay where they had been kicked; one was undamaged and working so I heated a rock, then checked our supplies. There was one drink and two concentrate bars left. We wouldn't survive here much longer.

"Jim." His whisper was almost inaudible. I moved to his side. "You nearly did it. He would have left us supplies. I regret being unable to stop myself being overpowered."

I smiled in reassurance. "You did much more than I could have, Spock. Well - at least we are alone again. Worse off, more injuries, very little food, and no proper source of warmth."

"We are together. It is enough."

I was touched by his words and warmed by his complete acceptance of our friendship. "It is," I replied. I leaned back against the wall and immediately regretted it as a shooting pain, from the bruise caused by the Klingon's boot, stabbed through my back. My whole body ached, I suddenly realised. Time for a pain-killer, I decided. After that had been done, I shared a nutri-bar and the last hot drink with Spock. Now there was little to do but wait.

Trying to mask my despair, I lay down beside Spock, on the hard, cold ground. He invited me to share his meagre covers and I needed no persuasion. There was some warmth and a reduction of our pain if we were close. Both of us felt any embarrassment any more - we had gone beyond that now - and I opened to the mind-link with ease, relief hitting me as our thoughts merged. Soon, I felt pleasantly euphoric and relaxed.

I have been calculating the time factor, Spock said suddenly. I believe it is possible that the T'Varon will find us within the next twelve hours.

I was instantly alert. But how? I asked.

They will now be searching for us. They will compute our course from Ariadnus, find the debris of the destroyed shuttlecraft, determine that only one vessel was blown up, assume we have attempted a landing, then scan all frequencies for the emergency beacon. It is a logical progression.

But, if they encounter the Klingons...

I do not believe that the Klingon report referred to the T'Varon. She was on course from Riva station. As you are aware, Riva deep space station is nowhere near the neutral zone. In fact, it is exactly...

You are an optimist, Spock, I butted in. Perhaps you, the best science officer in the fleet - would be able to find two survivors on this planet but not everyone is as skilled or as intuitive as you are.

The T'Varon has excellent officers on board. If possible, they will find us.

Well if not, we die of hunger and cold.

There was a long silence before he spoke again, his mind-voice gentle and reassuring. Jim, it need not be painful if we die together. When we both agree that there is no hope and that the time has come... there is a way. He trailed off into the silence absorbing my reaction to that, no doubt.

I considered it for a time and could find no fault in it. Better to die wit dignity together than face the horror of slow starvation. Very well, my friend. I do not fear death if you are with me.

We talked in this way for many hours. It kept us alert. I told him about my life and, having known none himself, he was very interested in the friendships I had made. The one type of relationship he could not understand was the sexual kind. Young Vulcans were celibate until bonded; their equivalent of marriage. Spock was merely betrothed. Due to their longer life spans, Vulcans matured later than humans. Spock, although close in age to me, was considered very young indeed. That made his achievements exceptional. He didn't tell me any more, but it was enough to bring home to me how different our customs were.

I could understand why they remained celibate. How could a telepath have a casual sexual relationship? It would be impossible to be exposed to a mind that was incompatible. If joined with someone unsuitable, a Vulcan would suffer pain and disharmony. Only those with a special attunement could be bonded. Children were tested, and matched to one another at seven years old.

Time passed as we communicated, the dream-like quality of our world enhanced by the complete and utter silence within it. Several times, I roused myself to heat the cavern but now, I couldn't leave Spock for a moment. He was very ill. Only the mind-meld boosted him now. He told me that without my constant physical and mental touch he would have lapsed into a coma that he would not have survived.

There is always hope, I tried to reassure.

I told him about the time that my parents, Sam and I had visited the British Museum. That drew his attention as he had always wanted to visit it. I dredged up my childhood memories of the place. I had been eleven, fascinated by ancient history, and captivated by the exhibitions. In some way, Spock helped me unlock my subconscious impressions, and that allowed me to relive my trip in every detail.

We will go there together, I promised. We will spend days there, if you like. I would like to see it with adult eyes and in your company. I chuckled as I imagined the furore it would cause when a Vulcan toured the hallowed halls of the British Museum.

One day we shall go there, Spock agreed.

I could clearly sense that he was slipping away from me. Spock...Spock...stay with me. I tried to pass more strength to him.

Jim, keep talking to me.

I told him about the summer Sam and I had travelled through the Canadian Rockies, the lazy days spent camping by lakes and rivers, the star-gazing at nights when I dreamed of travelling in space. I recalled each day of that idyllic time spent in my brother's easygoing company before my life had changed; Sam to his new post on Deneva, me to Starfleet Academy.

A sudden unknown presence entered our world. It was female, cool, efficient, persistent in her efforts to make us acknowledge her. Spock, lean on me, she said. Kirk, you will withdraw.

No, I will not leave him, I protested.

Spock, she ignored me. Release him from the meld.

T'Renna, Spock said in a mind-voice stronger than I had heard it for a long time, I shall release him but only if you promise to care for him as you would a Vulcan. He is my t'hy'la.

I sensed her surprise. He will be cared for, she conceded.

Rescue. I suddenly realised that we were being rescued! Caught up in the meld, we had been oblivious to anything happening in the outside world. Spock, you will recover now.

Yes, Jim. All will be well. Be prepared, I must break the meld. Farewell, my t'hy'la.

Farewell, my t'hy'la, I replied, copying the unfamiliar inflection Spock had used. I shivered, and not with the cold, for I sensed that the meaning of the word was profound.

Loneliness hit me like a slap to the face. The loss of his mind-touch was staggering. Two Vulcan medics were lifting me onto an anti-grav stretcher, others were attending Spock. I allowed myself a moment of relief as the transporter beam took us. It was a welcome sensation.

Treatment.

The medics attending me were efficient, even compassionate. Their manner towards me had changed. No more did they barely tolerate me. Their hands were gentle and their eyes showed interest and concern. Still, I wished for Bones whose bedside manner was natural to him.

"How is Spock," I asked Dr Staven.

The young Vulcan's eyes regarded me for a long moment.

"Please, I must know," I said. The drugs they had given me were taking effect and I knew I'd soon be sound asleep. "Will you find out?" Staven agreed and left. I fought my drowsiness until his return. "Well," I demanded.

"He has internal injuries. He is weak due to exposure to the cold and related problems. He has received treatment and has been able to achieve healing trance."

"He will recover? He must."

His features seemed to soften. "There is a thirty two point seven five percent chance of full recovery."

I felt sick. Those odds were far too low. "He must recover. He must."

"T'Renna attends him. She is the senior medical officer. Her healing abilities are exceptional." He hesitated then went on, "Please inform me. How did Spock survive under such harsh conditions?"

"I did my best to keep him warm..." I began but the heaviness in my eyelids could not be controlled any more and I succumbed, at last, to sleep.

***

I sat up with a start. "Spock," I cried, as I looked around the empty sickbay. My stomach knotted with fear. "Spock."

A medic rushed in, grabbed my arms, and gently but firmly pushed me down.

"Where is Spock?" I asked as I struggled in her hold.

"He is in a privacy chamber where T'Renna attends him."

I relaxed a bit. "I need to see him."

"No-one is permitted entry except medical staff, Mr Kirk. However, you may observe him by viewer."

She brought the screen over to me and switched it on. Spock lay in some kind of enclosed unit; a technology unknown to Starfleet. He breathed slowly but evenly. He seemed to be asleep. I studied his thin, drawn face and noted that his skin colour seemed more normal. "Is he out of danger?" I asked.

"Not yet, Mr Kirk," she said. "We will know within twenty hours."

I sighed and lay back as the medic attended me, but my thoughts were not of myself and my already healing minor injuries, but of my friend battling for his life. T'Renna monitored Spock, and the fine quality of her care was only too clear. At times she would reach inside the unit and place her hands on his face. Despite, her less than sympathetic manner towards me, she didn't extend any anti-human feelings to Spock. He seemed to trust her yet had warned her to care for me. Spock, close to death, yet still concerned for me. Tears filled my eyes as I watched his still form.

After tests, more treatment and another eight hours rest, I was discharged from sickbay. As I dressed, I was told that the captain and T'Renna awaited me in the office. I tidied myself then made my way there, hoping for news of Spock.

The captain motioned me to a seat. "How are you feeling, Mr Kirk?" she asked, in genuine concern.

"Much better, thank you, Captain." I was still weak and stiff, but my wounds from the wild-cat, thanks to Spock's prompt first aid, were almost healed. Although my bruises still ached, that would soon stop. I looked at T'Renna. "How is Spock?"

"His condition is unchanged," she reported, as cold as ever.

I was horrified. "Why can you not heal him?"

"His circulatory system has sustained extensive damage," she replied as if she had diagnosed a minor headache.

"I want to be with him," I said.

"Impossible. He is in isolation. Only a medic may enter."

"Why is he in isolation?" I asked. "He does not have anything contagious."

"In such circumstances, it is essential. He needs peace to concentrate on inner healing. Only a trained medic understands how to avoid causing him distress."

Damn Vulcan rules. They were not going to stop me seeing Spock.

"Mr Kirk, report." The captain's soft voice penetrated my anger.

I was about to snap at her but her calm eyes stayed my tongue. She was sympathetic to me; a display of anger would not do any good. I had to behave like a Vulcan. Calm, efficient and logical. I took a deep breath and began my account of all that had befallen us.

The two Vulcan women listened to me in silence. They seemed startled, even astonished by my story. I finished and looked down at my clasped hands. I was worried about Spock - worried sick.

"You warmed him by using body heat! How very... basic," T'Renna commented.

I wanted to yell at her, shock her Vulcan superiority, but instead replied calmly, "It is a well known emergency technique amongst humans. Perhaps it is too personal for beings who do not touch, but humans are not so fussy."

"It was not my intention to denigrate your methods, Mr Kirk. You saved Spock's life by the warmth you provided. However, when we found you it was not only body-heat you shared but you were deep in a mind-meld exchanging thoughts."

I nodded. "When Spock first permitted me to warm him we... we slipped into a mind link. It helped me as well." I hesitated to say more for it was such a personal thing, yet Spock had told T'Renna. I should tell the captain, for it could be significant to my report. "We merged in what Spock called the bond of t'hy'la. I..." My throat constricted and I could barely swallow as emotion overcame me. I had to be with Spock. They had to let me go to him. "I beg you, Dr T'Renna, allow me to be with him. I helped him before, perhaps I can do so again."

The captain stood. "T'Renna, did you know of this?" she demanded.

T'Renna also stood. "T'hy'la are a Vulcan mystery, impossible for humans."

T'Zen was as outraged as I had ever seen her. "Who are you to say what is possible? Spock is half-human but his Vulcan gifts run true. You observed what happened when he healed Mr Kirk prior to the mission on Ariadnus. They touched briefly in the ancient way. Now it is obvious that they are truly joined in brotherhood. Can you doubt Mr Kirk's sincerity? Can you not sense his pain? T'hy'la may not be barred from one another. All him access at once."

T'Renna bowed her head in obedience. "Very well, Captain."

I got to my feet. "Thank you, Captain."

"We shall talk again another time, Mr Kirk. Tend to Spock. Your duty to him takes precedence above everything."

When I entered the isolation room, I noticed that the life-support unit had been removed. That, hopefully, was a good sign. Spock lay on an ordinary diagnostic bed, covered up to his chest by a red blanket. He looked so young and vulnerable there - like a sick child.

T'Renna went over and studied the readings. I ignored her and pulled a stool over and sat by my friend's bed-side. He looked strained and very pale. I could almost perceive his inner battle with his injuries. How could I help him? How could I reach him? There had to be a way.

On impulse I picked up his long-fingered hand and held it between my own. I don't know if he was aware of my touch but if so, he would know it was me and perhaps find comfort and strength. I was aware of T'Renna's attention but didn't let her know that. She didn't approve of me, but I certainly didn't give a damn about that. T'Zen's words had been clear. No-one had the right to keep me away from Spock. It was my right to be here. We were bond-brothers.

Spock, I tried to send to him. Live my friend, you must live.

A sudden weariness and despair came over me. I lowered my head and pressed my forehead against his hand, pleading with him to hear me. You must fight, I told him. You cannot leave me now, not after we have bonded in brotherhood. You must survive. There is so much to look forward to, Spock. Live. I don't know how long I tried to communicate my thoughts to him, or if he heard me, but I kept trying. There was a strange comfort in speaking to him in thought. During those days we had been stranded together, I had become used to it. It had become second nature to me.

"He is stabilising," T'Renna's voice intruded. "There is a slow but steady improvement." I looked up at her. She returned the gaze and there seemed to be resignation, perhaps a touch of admiration in her eyes. No, not from her. I was imagining it. "Please explain?" I asked.

She hesitated for a few seconds before she spoke. "Your touch is helping him. So it is written of the ancient bond of t'hy'la."

I was curious about her attitude. "Why does it bother you that a human may aspire to Vulcan ways? What have you been so hostile to me? What did I ever do to you?"

I think she was surprised at my blunt approach. "The belief of Vulcan superiority is difficult to deny, if one has always accepted it."

I shook my head in disbelief. "That is not exactly IDIC." I looked at Spock; he was the important one. "Is he aware of me?"

"I believe so. There has been improvement from the moment you touched him. It is most significant."

"If I was a telepath, I could reach into his mind and really help" I felt so inadequate, so helpless. "Spock, please, you cannot abandon me," I murmured.

Losing him was too horrifying to bear. We had shared a closeness that I could scarcely understand, but had given me contentment and joy of spirit. I had to find some way to help. I stroked his hand as one would, a close family member and tried to pass encouragement to him. Driven by instinct rather than ability or knowledge, I continued in my attempts to support him. I spoke to him in both speech and thought and didn't care what any watcher might think. In this manner many hours passed.

T'Renna wanted me to leave and take rest and nourishment. I refused, afraid that if I left Spock's side, he might die. Eventually someone brought me a glass of Simbia - Spock's favourite drink - I recalled with nostalgia. It seemed so long ago that I had brought him Simbia. He had been drained, exhausted, and almost asleep after using his healing power on me. Then he had finally admitted that he was my friend.

I sipped at my drink, for I knew I'd need the energy it would provide. I was still weak from the ordeal on the planet, and worry and fear over Spock added to my exhaustion. Once I had finished the Simbia, I looked at Spock's hand lying so still on the red cover, leaned over and rested my face against it. Despite the warmth of the room, his skin was still cold. I pressed my lips against his hand. In an attempt to warn him? In supplication? To express my love for him? I didn't know nor care. Vulcans denied their emotions; I could not. He was closer to me than my own brother and nothing about it could embarrass me. It was an honour to be part of such a profound relationship.

Now, I railed against being human. I knew of no way to reach and strengthen him for I was trapped in my own inadequacy. Weeping now, with frustration and pain, the outside world seemed to fade away until there was a sudden silence around me. Somewhere deep within it, a well-known presence beckoned me. I aimed for it with a giant leap of faith and descended into its comforting warmth. Spock, I cried. Spock.

Jim, his welcome mind voice was weak.

We merged for a moment, in a joyful reunion, but I knew that we couldn't remain here. He was still in grave danger but his contact with me seemed to energise him and his life-force flared. I took heart at this sign and, not knowing exactly how I did it, led him towards consciousness. Maybe it was instinct that guided me to the correct path out, or just sheer, blind luck but I didn't care. He followed me, blindly but with trust, and as we neared the end of the road, his strength began to grow.

Transcendence

My eyes opened to see his hand, only millimetres away. I blinked but bitter tears fell from my eyes when I realised that I must have been dreaming. Somehow I had fallen asleep and lived out a fantasy of reaching into his mind and bringing him out to safety. It had felt so real and vivid. I chastised myself. How could I - a non-telepath - accomplish such a feat. I was a dreamer; a fool.

Fingers touched my head; some Vulcan doctor trying to show me some sympathy, no doubt. They slid through my hair, pulling in an affectionate and almost painful tug. My heart skipped a beat, then pounded uncontrollably. I knew that touch.

"Spock!" I exclaimed. I lifted my head and looked over at him. Delight vibrated throughout my whole being on seeing him stare at me with warmth and alertness. I caught his other hand as it slipped from its hold on my hair. "You are all right!" I squeezed both his hands tight.

His eyebrow climbed in its familiar way. I grinned and my joy in his recovery threatened to overcome me. I wanted to hug everyone in sight; even the cold, forbidding T'Renna, I could have kissed her thin, disapproving lips. "No," Spock ordered in a voice that attempted, but didn't quite reach authority.

I laughed on realising he had caught my thoughts so clearly. He had taken fright that I might actually kiss the old curmudgeon. "It was just an impulsive thought," I explained. "I wouldn't - couldn't ---." T'Renna stood tall and austere as she looked down at us, uncomprehending. Never - definitely never; not in a million years...

"Fascinating," she said. "A human has transcended the ability of his species. Mr Kirk, you are truly remarkable."

I had no idea of what she was talking about, but I didn't care. Spock was out of danger and I was certain he'd fully recover. As exhaustion suddenly hit me with the force of a tidal wave, I slumped forward and almost passed out. I jerked back. No, I wouldn't give into it. I hung onto Spock's reassuring hold on my hands like a life-line.

"Spock is safe now, Mr Kirk. You must rest. He also needs to rest. You will go to your quarters."

"No, I will stay," I protested.

"Jim," Spock said, "T'Renna is correct. The energy you expended in recalling me, added to the build up of stress, cold and injury has caused you to extend yourself to the point of risk to your health. Please go to your quarters and rest."

I sighed. As always, Spock was logical and correct. Yet, I didn't want to leave his side; not to mention the small problem I might have in even reaching my cabin. "Spock, let me stay?" I asked.

He touched my forehead. Do as I tell you, he said, in telepathic command.

I think he meant it half in jest but, just the same, I was only too glad to obey. If he was using his authority as my senior officer, then he must have improved. I bowed my head and yielded, then glanced up to see a very slight smile on his lips. I grinned at him, and not caring what anyone thought, I leaned over and hugged him. He was probably too shocked to move for he stayed perfectly still; I don't think he even breathed! Not daring to look at anyone, I made my way to the door, shadowed by a medic who hovered over me as if afraid I might fall.

"A truly remarkable human," I heard T'Renna say as I left. "Most disturbing."

T'hy'la

I had twelve hours of peaceful and refreshing sleep. On awakening, I called sickbay where T'Renna informed me that Spock was in a meeting with the captain and not to be disturbed. I sighed with disappointment - for I hoped to speak to him - but cheered a little when she asked me how I was feeling, and volunteered the information that Spock was almost fully recovered. Perhaps the old battle-axe was softening. I would work on her. My ability to charm the female of any species was one of my more useful talents. She was quite a challenge though!

After drinking a hot, sweet cup of coffee, I took a long luxurious shower. My body relaxed and refreshed, my skin tingling with the stinging force of the water, I didn't use the drying jets but the traditional, old-fashioned method of a thick, soft towel. I rubbed my hair , enough to stop it from dripping, then flung the towel into the disposal chute. I ran my fingers through my hair, studied my reflection in the mirror and noted how thin I had become. Bones would be pleased - yet - he would likely say that I was too thin and needed to put on some weight.

Strolling out into my bedroom, I stretched my arms out and luxuriated in the warmth of the room against my bare skin. It was wonderful to feel warm again. All the bitter cold of the planet now seemed like some nightmare; the icy cavern, the attack by the wild cat, the Klingons...

I suddenly became aware that I was not alone. I blinked several times, knew who was with me, and spun round with a cry of joy. Spock sat on a chair, regarding me with obvious amusement. He stood up, clasped his hands behind him, and raised his brow. In the twelve hours or so since I had seen him, he had made a remarkable recovery.

"Spock!" I exclaimed, and dived forwards to greet him. I threw my arms about him in a tight hug, overjoyed to see him looking so well. It took a few seconds for it to dawn on me that he had not responded to my hug. I swallowed my disappointment, trying not to be hurt, and tried to rationalise that now, after such intense contact with me on the planet, he would need to withdraw into his own privacy again.

I stepped back. I was a little self-conscious by my physical nakedness but really embarrassed by the outpouring of affection I had assaulted him with during that hug. It was a mental nakedness that I had been unable to hide. "Forgive me," I murmured, and looked down.

"There is nothing to forgive," he replied.

I looked up at him. He wasn't angry with me then but bemused - certainly amused. I took heart at that. "Thank you," I said.

"Are all humans so immodest?" he asked, in a sly reference to my lack of clothing.

I couldn't stop myself flushing, but replied, "I have no modesty at all, Spock. It is one of my faults."

He made no comment. I grinned, reached for my clothing, and dressed while he studied the wall with deliberate intensity. It was a ludicrous situation. How could we be embarrassed with one another now; surely not after the closeness we had shared. Yet we were.

Once dressed I went over to him. "How are you feeling, Spock?"

"Much improved. I have been discharged from sickbay. We are both excused from duty for two solar days. Captain's orders."

"Then you will rest," I demanded. "I do not care, if T'Renna pronounced you fit. Even a Vulcan cannot recover so quickly from near death."

There was a slight, but noticeable twinkle in his eyes. "Jim, you are giving me orders again."

I flushed again. Why did I always want to order him around? I just couldn't help myself. "I am sorry. It is just that I am concerned for you."

He was silent for a few seconds before he answered, "I thank you for your concern. It is difficult for me. I am unused to another showing such deep and open feelings for me."

I nodded. I had to learn restraint for we were not alone and fighting for survival any more. We were back on the T'Varon. He was my senior officer. He was no longer dependent on me. I had to allow him his own personal space.

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked. As I shook my head, he added, "You ate little during the time we were stranded. You have lost too much weight."

"In some ways, it was the best time of my life," I said. "I know that seems illogical but... we became so close, we understood one another so well, we communicated so deeply... I am afraid of losing that."

Returning to the way things had been was my greatest fear now. If Spock turned away from me, I would be more isolated than ever for I had tasted the bond of brotherhood and without it I would be devastated. It had become a part of me and was more important to me than anything.

He seemed puzzled. "Lose it, Jim? Of course not. Once committed to the bond of t'hy'la there is no going back. Our friendship shall grow and mature. Jim, you gave me my life, your innermost strength with a willingness and courage that defies all description." I could sense his struggle to find the right words. "I was wrong to refuse your embrace. I ask for your patience, for despite the intimacy of the melds we shared, it is difficult for me to accept and return such... physical contact. I know it is illogical, but..." he trailed off in complete confusion.

"It is all right," I assured him. "I understand."

"But, I must know. Why am I unable to return a simple gesture?"

I tried to make him understand. "Necessity drew us together. There were no barriers. Now we are back to our normal lives and must adjust to that. It will take time." I had to make him realise that I didn't expect him to behave towards me in a manner that he didn't want to. All I wanted was his friendship - on any terms.

"You are right, Jim, but I shall not allow Vulcan reserve to mar our friendship. Help me overcome these inhibitions. I owe you much. You are my t'hy'la. I do not wish to hurt you by rejecting your touch."

Deep happiness bubbled up inside me, but I restrained it as I tried to calm his fears. "Humans hug as a gesture of affection. It is the closest we can get to one another without telepathic ability. You are my friend, Spock. I will respect your reserve. I do not wish to see you forced into giving something that makes you uncomfortable. We have merged minds. I will always remember those times with awe, and joy. I will always be grateful to you for showing me what it was like to know such unity with another being."

He was frowning. "Jim, I do not understand." He gripped my shoulder.

"I know you cannot bear my emotions," I said. "The situation we were thrown into was exceptional. We needed to survive. You were dependent on me and I was only too glad to help. I do not expect you to enter into mind-link with me under normal circumstances. I will not be hurt if you cannot return a hug. I should not even expect it of you."

He grabbed my other shoulder and shook me so hard that a wave of dizziness caught me. If not for his hold, I would have lost my balance. "You are not listening to me, Jim. I asked for your help in overcoming my reserve with you. I wish to overcome it. You have ended my isolation, my loneliness, and I will not return to such emptiness."

Tears of happiness stung my eyes, as I realised just what he was saying. I had underestimated the impact of our friendship on him. He actually wanted to give me the affection of a human friend, but I knew that he could never give me the ordinary friendship of my species. His would be extraordinary in every way.

With a sudden move, he pulled me against him; almost knocking the breath from my body with his Vulcan strength. He wrapped his arms around me and I chuckled as I tried to balance that hold with my own grip. Mind contact flared between us and the familiarity of it was a delight.

Physical contact is most interesting, he commented, in warm mind-voice.

If you can breathe, I countered.

He eased the pressure a little. Your mind is open to me and your body is relaxed in a hold that could crush your ribs. You trust me.

Of course I do. I trust you as I do no other. I do not fully understand this bond of t'hy'la but I know it is right for us.

I thank thee, he replied in formal Vulcan mode.

Anyhow, I could free myself if I resorted to dirty tactics, I teased.

Indeed! came his disbelieving reply.

I leaned back a fraction and looked up at him. "I don't think I'll try," I said in English. "I feel real safe here."

His eyebrow climbed in astonishment and he released me. "Jim, I do not understand you. It is most disconcerting." He folded his arms across his chest. "We shall eat now. I could sense your hunger pangs."

I pulled a face. "I cannot hide much from you, can I? I hope you can teach me restraint."

"I will attempt it, Jim, however I fear it will be most difficult."

I stared at him open-mouthed. Was he teasing me, or just stating a fact? His expression gave nothing away. He was likely correct; it would be difficult but I would try.

"For example in sickbay." He cleared his throat. "T'Renna had not yet recovered from the shock."

I spluttered and laughed. Well, it would do the old battle-axe some good to be shaken up. It wouldn't endear me to her, that much was sure.

"I must admit that it was interesting to see her respond to your behaviour, with such emotion," Spock said.

"You enjoyed it," I stated.

"Enjoyment is something I do not comprehend, but it was... fascinating."

"And you, Spock? Do I startle you with my emotional behaviour?"

"I do not believe that you could shock me now." He stared at me questioningly. "Perhaps that assumption is incorrect."

I wondered. He had put up with all my idiosyncrasies and had accepted me as friend and brother. He had allowed me to help him and had given me a trust he would give no other. He could probably cope with anything I threw at him. I shrugged and replied. "We will just have to wait and see."

"Let us eat then," he said.

"Good idea. I am so hungry."

We walked to the rec-room in a relaxed camaraderie. Those we passed, acknowledged us with a respect that seemed to me to be more profound than normal. For the first time, I really felt like an equal member of the crew. In the rec-room people who had never spoken to me before, bowed in greeting. Everyone was exceptionally courteous to me and I fairly glowed with contentment. Vulcans were not cold, unemotional beings. Sure, they lived by strict codes that emphasised control of their emotions, restraint of their physical strength and mental powers. I was privileged to be the first outsider to live and work with them. Yet, it could all so easily have gone wrong. If Spock had not offered me the hand of friendship I don't think that even trying my utmost to fit it, would have worked. He had satisfied my real need for companionship in a way no human could have matched and I had given him the friendship he had never known. It was a perfect arrangement.

My future here now looked bright. Saving Spock's life and the bond between us were the reasons for my acceptance, the true acceptance of my ship-mates. Vulcans did not gossip but on starships, very little could be hidden. Spock watched me with interest, obviously picking up on some, if not all, of my thoughts. I grinned at him and was answered by one of his almost-smiles. He was closer to me than a brother; I was not alone any more nor was he. I thought of my life before the T'Varon and didn't miss it now. This was my home and I was content.

"I must teach you how not avoid broadcasting your thoughts," Spock commented.

I flushed, again, in consternation. "I... I..." What could I say?

"You are, however, correct."

I laughed a little, in embarrassment. Why should I bother if he knew my thoughts. I shouldn't bother, should I? I had never been more hopelessly confused.

"Your first lesson shall commence after this meal." he added.

"Yes, sir," I said with mock obedience.

His brow rose almost into his hair but there was a touch of amusement in his eyes. What a trial I was for him! Yet, he accepted me with understanding, patience, resignation and a touch of humour that was, I suspected, most un-Vulcan.

A shadow fell across the table and I looked up to see Selek there. I had not encountered him since the day he had attacked me and was the last person I wanted around at this moment. I knew he had been demoted by several grades but couldn't tell from his manner whether his hatred had brought him here to try and spoil things for me.

Spock rose to his feet. "What do you wish?" he demanded.

I jumped to stand by his side, for I had sensed his anger and was afraid he might do something rash. As everyone turned to watch, silence descended. Selek hesitated then lowered his eyes in submission. "I stand before thee and thy t'hy'la in humility, shamed by my bigotry towards you. I shall accept any punishment you deem fit and will make reparation in the manner of your choice."

This was the last thing I had expected. What had happened to cause such a turnabout? Was he even being genuine about it? Spock was the telepath; he would know. I had to leave it to his judgement.

Selek turned his attention to me. His eyes met mine and I could see his conflict. "I beg thy forgiveness for the attack on thee. I will accept any judgement you deem fit and will make reparation in the manner of your choice."

I looked to Spock for help and saw my own confusion reflected in his own eyes. What was the correct response to this? I still knew so little about Vulcan tradition.

Spock squared his shoulders. "Will you allow me to answer for us both, t'hy'la?"

I nodded my agreement. He knew my thoughts well enough and was aware that I held no grudge against Selek.

"We accept your apologies and forgive you," Spock said. "There will be no punishment, but we charge you to make reparation by ridding yourself of the doctrines you have espoused and embracing IDIC."

It was plain to see that Selek was shocked. He had likely expected something quite different. Perhaps Spock and I could have punished him in the severest of ways. Some Vulcan laws were still strangely barbaric. Odd in such a civilised people.

"I accept your decision," Selek said, at last. "I shall do as you charge me." He bowed before Spock, straightened then bowed to me.

"You may leave us," Spock said. He sounded so formal but there was a trace of compassion in his tone. Selek knew it too, and his rigid muscles seemed to relax a bit. He bowed again to us both, then turned on his heel and left.

I watched him leave the room then faced Spock. "Your compassion is never-ending. I am very proud and privileged to be your t'hy'la."

The force of my emotions reached him and he gave a slight start. The greenish tinge on his cheeks deepened. "It is time for your lesson, Mr Kirk," he said, retreating into formality, in an attempt to control his discomfiture at my open, unabashed admiration.

"But, I am still not finished my meal," I protested.

"Attend me," he ordered.

Some devil in me defied him. "Spock, I am still hungry. You said I had lost weight did you not?"

He beat down his impatience to leave and conceded, "Very well."

I suppressed my grin, sat down and continued to eat. I took my time and he knew it. What made me do it? I knew he was waiting with barely concealed restlessness. Selek's apology in front of everyone in the room had made him edgy. Well he would need to learn to chill out a little, and now was a good time to start. I felt great; ready now for anything the future would bring. Spock and I would face it together and we'd survive it.

"Mr Kirk, will you leave of your own free will, or do I need to use force."

I was taken aback by Spock's words. Surely he was kidding! "Try it," I bluffed.

He was bewildered by my response. Poor Vulcan innocent that he was, trying to deal with me, an illogical human. "Mr Kirk, he began but didn't continue.

I stared him out and wondered what he would do. He could probably pick me up and carry me out but his dignity would never permit it. His eyes flashed at me in silent command and it took a lot of nerve on my part to disobey. It also took a great deal of stupidity.

"You are impossible," he almost hissed, before getting to his feet. He left me sitting there, shaken by the extent of his anger that had pushed its way into my mind. What had started as a silly prank, at least for me, had become deadly serious. Fool, that I was not to realise it had gone too far. I had forgotten that I wasn't dealing with a human. He would have had no comprehension why I had acted that way.

I dived after him, but he was too quick for me and was nowhere to be seen. I searched for him in his cabin, the observation deck, anywhere I could think that he might be, but it is a big ship and I couldn't find him.

Dispirited and full of self-recrimination, I returned to his cabin to await him. I had embarrassed, and insulted him, in front of his ship-mates. My attitude had been infantile. I had forgotten that, despite our closeness, his ideas were quite alien to mine.

It was several hours before he arrived, time enough for me to reflect on my foolishness and vow never to humiliate him again. I stood up and stood, contritely, before him.

"Well, Mr Kirk, are you here for your lesson?" he asked.

I swallowed then unable to look him in the eye, stared at his shoulder. "Yes, Mr Spock." My voice was strangely hoarse.

There was a long silence, and I shifted about under his telepathic hum. I could sense his thoughts touch the edges of mine and gathering my courage I met his eyes. To my relief, there was no anger in them. "I ask your forgiveness," I said. "I meant no disrespect."

"I know," he replied. "We still have much to learn about one another." I breathed a deep sigh at those words. "May I?" he asked, holding a hand out towards my face.

I agreed at once, and opened my mind. We melded and I found no anger, only regret over our silly misunderstanding. We relaxed in the link, and my first lesson in the control of broadcasting my emotions began. It was the hardest thing I have ever attempted and I failed - miserably.

Eventually, Spock called a halt. It will be even more difficult than I first believed, he said.

I will work at it, and I will succeed, I sent him my firm determination, but sensed his scepticism. I found that funny and laughed aloud.

He broke the meld and stepped back. "Jim, you are incorrigible."

"You are not the first one to tell me that."

The tension between us had disappeared now and we had both learned there was a great deal more to understand about one another. The main thing was that the will was there. Our bond would sustain us through the trials ahead.

"Were you tempted to pick me up and carry me out of the rec-room?" I asked.

"Indeed, like this..."

With a sudden movement, he grabbed me round the chest and legs and lifted me up with amazing ease. I yelled and struggled in his hold but it didn't take long for his superior strength to win out. I was helpless. I gave up the struggle, not in the least concerned that he could have broken my back if he'd wanted to. He would never harm me. He was only giving me a little demonstration to pay me back for my earlier behaviour. It was one of the most human tings he had ever done and I was pleased.

He wanted to be more human with me and he was learning....

End of Story 2

The T'Varon Chronicles 3 - A Haze of Conflict

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