The T'Varon Chronicles

(An Alternate Universe series)

A Haze of Conflict - Section 2

Stonn

At the precise time calculated, we rendezvoused with the Surakim. Teams of medical personnel were the first to beam aboard; now the sick doctors and nurses of my ship would be able to themselves get rest.

The lift doors opened and a group of Vulcan officers entered the bridge. I stood up to greet them. Captain Stonn walked over to me and looked me up and down with an arrogant stare.

I stood still and remained at ease. "Greetings, Captain. You are most welcome."

"Report," he demanded. He was cold, impersonal, and even hostile.

He had no right to be uncivil to me. He outranked me but I was still in command of the T'Varon. His manner was unworthy of a Vulcan. I gave him the latest facts and figures then added, "I would be grateful if you would assign me relief crew to take over vital ships functions."

"You are relieved of command," he said, with a sneer.

I drew myself up straight. I didn't like his attitude and anyway he had no grounds to remove me from command, unless I was unfit for duty. "Sir, here, I will stay, until Captain T'Zen, Commander Spock,or any other member of the command crew is fit enough to relieve me. Or, if I decide that I wish to rest, and turn over command - temporarily - to you or one of your officers." The expression in his eyes changed; I had angered him. I stood my ground. "Please assign me bridge crew. Those here are exhausted."

The T'Varon crew were all watching me, and somehow, I felt their support. That made me feel stronger, and clasping my hands behind me, I stared Captain Stonn out. To my great satisfaction he was the one to break eye contact. With a sullen manner, he ordered some of those with him to take bridge consoles.

Before they left, T'Sal and Storon stopped beside me. "Sir, your quickness of thought, and courage saved us all. We are truly grateful," T'Sal said.

I was indebted to her. She was trying to help me by letting these strange Vulcans know that they valued me. "I am honoured," I said, with a little bow.

"Indeed," Storon added. "Commander Kirk, once duty permits, we would be honoured if you would join us for dinner."

I bowed to him too. "The honour is mine. Thank you." I was too choked to say any more. They had shown Stonn and his crew that I was accepted as one of them. They had given me respect and praise and had made sure that Stonn knew that they had no qualms over being under my command.

Stonn arched his brow and persisted, "You are relieved of command, Mr Kirk."

"With respect, sir, I must decline. If you will excuse me I will brief the crew."

I sat on the centre chair and busied myself with all the administrative duties a commanding officer must deal with. The Surakim officers accepted my commands but whether Stonn had given permission or not, I didn't know nor care. He stood in silence behind my chair, while I made sure that my ship was being properly looked after by the newcomers.

At the first moment of respite, he moved to my side. "Your devotion to duty is commendable. I have permitted you to continue for you alone knew ships status. Now that my crew is fully briefed you will leave the bridge and confine yourself to quarters."

I tried to keep my anger in check. "On what grounds do you confine me?"

"Your command was a temporary one, until someone with ability could take over. You are not in the chain of command. Your assignment here is purely a political one. You have no authority to remain in control of this ship. I as senior officer, a captain in the Vulcan fleet, do hereby relieve you."

It was increasingly difficult to control my temper at this insufferable, arrogant bigot. Just who did he think he was to speak to me in that way? 'Until someone of ability could take over'! He would not usurp my rights like this. I'd fight him all the way. "I have all the authority I require," I replied. "Commander Spock placed me in command."

"Where is the log entry confirming this?"

My stomach heaved at his callousness. "Sir, we were under attack by a weapon aimed at the psionic centres of the Vulcan mind. There was no time for log entries. We were in grave danger. I was left in command so as Spock was free to rouse the others and deal with the engine damage."

"All changes of command must be logged. He is half-human. He did not adhere to strict Vulcan regulations."

Bigot... I wanted to cry. "Sir, it was an emergency situation. Survival is the first rule. Regulation eleven, paragraph one."

Stonn's eyes flashed and he tried, unsuccessfully to intimidate. I stared right back for no-one - except Spock - could make me flinch from their gaze. No-one else had the power. After everything we had been through, I was not going to let this upstart captain to take over.

"If you do not leave the bridge, at once, I shall call a security team to remove you," he threatened.

The weary hours spent studying regulations had not been a waste of time. I knew them through and through. In an emergency situation, a senior officer from another ship could take command but did these circumstances constitute an emergency? It was all in the interpretation. As far as I was concerned, the emergency was over and all we needed was assistance from the Surakim crew. I stood as tall as possible and drew on the calm and dignity that Spock's lessons on emotional control had given me. My heartbeat was slow and steady and my voice was even as I replied. "Sir, I respectfully suggest that you do not have the right to relieve me of command. Regulation fourteen, paragraph three states ; 'The officer in command, while in adequate physical and mental health, may not be forcibly removed from duty. Exception being that an emergency beyond his capability required intervention by another officer of command rank.' Sir, the emergency has been dealt with by Commander Spock and myself. He placed me in command and here I stay for you have no grounds to relieve me. As I am familiar with the workings of the T'Varon and you are not, I shall oversee repairs and maintenance. I am grateful for your assistance and require only that."

The silence around me was almost deafening, and I wondered if Stonn had ever been defied like this before. A cold, dark look settled on his features and I braced myself. Whatever was to come would not be pleasant.

He depressed a button on my chair. "Security to the bridge."

"Captain Stonn, do not overstep your authority," I warned.

"You are the one overstepping authority, Kirk. You are not in the line of command. You are unfit for such a responsibility. You are here on sufferance and will not tell a captain of the Vulcan fleet what to do. You are to be confined to the brig until further notice.

This was depressingly familiar. Selek had done the same thing but that time Spock had been with me and the captain had quickly been made aware of the situation. This time, she was seriously ill and Spock was out cold with exhaustion. There was no-one else in a position to help me. I could rely only on myself. Well, I'd fight him every step of the way.

"Sufferance!" I exclaimed. "I hardly think the Vulcan council would allow me here on sufferance. My presence on this ship is an experiment in interspecies co-operation, and to test the principles of IDIC. The majority of Vulcans practise those beliefs but there have been a few who did not. That minority are narrow minded bigots who are petty in their dealings with other species."

He gave a guilty start. "You accuse me?"

"I accuse no-one, sir. I speak the truth. Think, Captain Stonn. If you act out of anything other that proper adherence to regulations, you will have to answer to the council."

He turned away, stepped to the upper level and paced between the science station and the doors. The others kept their eyes on their consoles but I knew they all listened intently. Would Stonn listen to reason or was he as blindly prejudiced as Selek had been. I stared at the viewer and waited. We were on our way to starbase. It was possible that an inquiry would be held there. Would Stonn be willing to risk that? Would I? Was I just smarting because of his attitude? Was I being incredibly foolish and stubborn by not giving in to him?

The intercom beep broke my reverie. "Kirk here," I answered.

"Sickbay, T'Renna here. Commander Kirk, I wish to report that Captain T'Zen is settling into a healing trance. She has come through the crisis of bond-breaking. She will now improve and recover in an estimated time of three days." I sighed with profound relief. I had the greatest respect for my captain. She was a brave, understanding and generous woman; a very fine officer. From the start, she had accepted me and allowed me the chance to prove myself.

T'Renna continued with her report. "Commander Spock is in a deep sleep. His life-indications are strong and he is recovering from the attack more quickly than any other crew-member. Once he awakens he will wish to see his t'hy'la. You will be summoned."

I smiled at that. "Very well, Dr T'Renna. I shall await your summons with eagerness. I really want to be with my t'hy'la."

There was a slight touch of humour to her voice as she replied, "I shall endeavour to be elsewhere at that moment."

I almost laughed but restrained myself as I recalled where I was and who was watching. T'Renna, of course, was referring to the time when Spock had been gravely ill. I had shaken her with my emotional responses and my ability to overcome my lack of telepathy to reach into Spock's mind.

"If you wish," I said, allowing myself a small grin.

As T'Renna continued with her medical report, I was aware of others arriving on the bridge. No doubt, they were the security Stonn had requested. I ignored them and replied to T'Renna, "Thank you. Please make sure that you have sufficient rest. The Surakim medics can handle everything until you and your staff are recovered."

"And you, Commander. Are you still functioning?"

I grimaced a little at that question. "I was unaffected by the Rynami attack. I have no problems." Well, that was not strictly true. I could almost feel Stonn breathing down my neck.

"It was most fortuitous that you were aboard the T'Varon, Commander Kirk, and that you were able to take control, protect your t'hy'la and enable him to function. To stir the power of meronite, to destroy the alien with it, surely is a feat out of legend. Truly, you and Spock are worthy successors to t'hy'la of the past. I salute thee."

I was gob-smacked! T'Renna, once so hostile to me, now paid Spock and I the greatest honour. Furthermore she had spoken those words knowing that everyone on the bridge would hear them too.

"My deepest thanks for your gracious words," I responded.

"I am honoured," she replied. "Sickbay out."

I cut the connection then looked up to see Stonn watching me in open puzzlement. Beside him were two security officers, one male and the other one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I tried not to gape at her shapely figure, perfect exotic features, creamy flawless skin and jet black hair. All Vulcan women seemed to be stunning but this one was in a class of her own. "You and Spock are t'hy'la?" Stonn asked.

"Yes," I replied, wondering again at the reverence these people who repressed, even denied emotion, had for a relationship that involved the deepest of feelings and was a bond that appeared to be closer than any other.

He exchanged a glance with the female security officer and her perfectly shaped eyebrow rose. "Lt Commander T'Pring, you will escort Commander Kirk to his quarters. As he is but human he is clearly tired. He needs rest. Make sure there is a guard outside his door at all times."

He had changed his tune - a little - but was still trying to remove me from the bridge. Did he detest humans so much that even being near me disgusted him?

"Am I under arrest?" I inquired.

"Negative. You have been through an ordeal and must rest. I am empowered to enforce you to take that rest."

I shook my head. "Only if the chief medical officer can supply proof that I am incapable of command."

"I shall obtain that proof," he countered.

"You may try," I said. "Now if you will excuse me I must attend to my duties." I continued with my work but knew deep down that I'd not be able to carry on for much longer. I was weary and light-headed. I couldn't remember when last I'd eaten a proper meal. Yet stubbornness would not allow me to let that cold-hearted bastard remove me. I would wait until someone from my own ship was able to take my place. My arguments with Stonn must have struck a chord with him for he had abandoned his original approach. He must be scared of being accused of wrongful behaviour towards me. If proven it could put his own career in jeopardy.

A short time later, I heard the lift doors open. I didn't look around and only responded to the newcomer when I sensed him close by my side. I looked up to see the oldest Vulcan I had ever seen aboard a starship. He exuded competence and wisdom and reminded me a little of Ambassador Sarek. There were streaks of grey in his black hair and his skin was lightly lined about the eyes. He looked about seventy or so but was likely well over one hundred. His dark eyes rested on me with compassion - even kindness - and something in me warmed to him. I knew that I could trust him.

"I am Healer Sivon, chief medical officer of the Surakim. Would you please accompany me to sickbay for a physical examination?"

"Thank you, Healer Sivon, but I am all right," I replied. "Once I am off-duty, I certainly will come to sickbay. May I ask you how Commander Spock is?"

His expression softened. "He sleeps peacefully. I have consulted Healer T'Renna and know of your actions and Spock's against the Rynami. Commander Kirk, it is most commendable that you remain at your post, but you are fatigued. You have been on duty for too long. It is time to turn over command to another. The danger is over. You must consider your own health."

His words sounded so reasonable and logical; he was making sense. The strain of everything that had happened, the stress of running the ship virtually single-handed, spoon-feeding the injured crew had taken its toll. I was exhausted, and desperate for sleep. It must have been days since I had received the birthday message from my family. I needed to get off the bridge and rest but most of all I just wanted to determine for myself if Spock was all right.

"Sivon, you will order him to sickbay on your authority," Stonn snapped.

Sivon looked at his captain. "Commander Kirk is not bound by my orders however I hope to persuade him to allow himself some rest after his heroic efforts and success in saving the majority of his ship-mates."

Stonn's eyes flashed with anger and he turned away. He called T'Pring over and spoke to her in a low tone.

Why was the healer taking my side? Did he have a grievance against Stonn? Or was he just trying to be fair? I didn't know but I liked him. In some ways he reminded me of Bones. Sivon once again looked at me with kindly eyes and it was then my exhaustion hit me. I had kept it at bay as there had been no choice. No-one had been able to help me share the responsibility. Giving into Stonn had been unthinkable but if it was my own choice then I could relinquish command. If I didn't then I'd be unfit to deal with anything.

My thoughts turned to Spock. He would be furious with me if I was foolish enough to risk myself unnecessarily. His anger was something that I wouldn't willingly provoke. What would he want me to do?

"You speak sense, Dr Sivon," I said. "I am grateful to you for your understanding."

His voice was gentle as he replied, "Please accompany me. You must be at your bond-brother's side. After his ordeal it is his right that he should wake to find you there. Indeed, it is his need and yours to be together. Anyone now can command the ship. You have a greater duty."

That was probably the only argument that could have prized me away. Sitting in the centre seat seemed so natural and right for me. It was what I wanted most in my life - to be a starship captain. "Very well," I conceded. "The emergency is over and I should rest." I pressed the log key. "Captain's log, Lt Commander James T Kirk reporting. I now temporarily pass command to Captain Stonn of the Surakim until I or any other member of the T'Varon command crew is fit to return to duty." I switched off and stood up. "Captain Stonn, the ship is yours. I will be with Commander Spock. Please contact me if you require any advice. Excuse me."

Anger flared in his eyes but I didn't give a damn. "Security..." he began.

"Unnecessary," Sivon snapped. " He will be with his t'hy'la. That is his place."

Stonn didn't argue. As I passed her, the beautiful T'Pring stared at me. There was curiosity in her enormous dark eyes. Why was she interested in me? I'm sure it wasn't a sexual attraction.

Sivon accompanied me into the lift. "Will you permit me to examine you, Commander Kirk?"

"If you wish, but I assure you that I am merely fatigued and hungry." I leaned back against the wall unsure if my legs would even hold me up.

"If that is all, then it is easily remedied," he said, with a tiny grave smile.

I knew he had judged my exhaustion pretty accurately and was alert to the fact that I might collapse at any moment. "Sir, you have been most kind to me."

He raised a brow. "Stonn is young and has little experience of non-Vulcans. Indeed, he has little experience of anything."

I spluttered. I had just heard criticism; one generation complaining about another. Perhaps humans and Vulcans were not so different after all.

"It is his first command," Sivan continued. "He is able but..." He trailed off then said. "I had a t'hy'la once."

I sensed the pain behind his words and my throat caught. "Sir?" I inquired.

"It was many years ago before you were born." His eyes darkened and his grief was visible. "I was unable to cure the infection he contracted. He died."

"I am sorry." I tried to express my sympathy.

He seemed to understand my feelings and his eyes brightened. "The memories are with me always. Yet, they do not compare to the living presence; the touch and joining of minds. You are fortunate, Commander Kirk."

I swallowed, knowing what he meant. This bond that Spock and I shared was very intense. The hours apart under these difficult circumstances had been lonely and tedious. Now I could no longer stay away for I needed the security of his presence.

"The bond of t'hy'la is a deep commitment," Sivan added. "Despite the difficulties it is rewarding to both partners."

"It is indeed," I agreed, wholeheartedly.

Doubts

Spock was asleep. I looked at him, wanting to wake him to talk, to see he was okay, but I restrained myself. Sivon had allowed me to skip sickbay and come here. He brought me food, watched as I sat at Spock's desk and ate, then ran his medi-scanner over me. He checked the readings against my medical records then nodded. "Your readings are peculiar but seem to be normal for your species. However, you are overtired and must rest. I leave you with Spock. If he seems ill when he wakes please call me at once."

I thanked him then settled down, with a fresh cup of coffee, into the chair. I relaxed in the familiar surroundings, content that Spock was only a few metres away. I yawned, placed my cup on the desk and slid down into the chair. I must have dozed for Spock's voice jarred me awake.

"Jim, go to your bed." His tone was exasperated.

Immediately alert, I jumped up and dived over to his sleeping area to see him in the process of getting out of bed. I flung myself at him in impetuous and unrestrained delight, knocking him back....

"Jim!" he exclaimed, startled by my emotions and impulsive hug.

I sent him all my delight on seeing him well. The touching and joining of minds...your living presence... I repeated Sivon's words. I have missed you. The link between us crackled with the force of my feelings.

Indeed, he responded as he attempted to sit up.

Embarrassed now, I coughed and released him then plumped up his pillows. I sat back as he scrutinised me in the way only he could. I couldn't stop myself flushing. Sometimes I could cope with his gaze but at other times.... My cheeks burned in shame at the realisation that I had once again lost control of my emotions. It was difficult not to lower my eyes but I endured his gaze.

At last he spoke. "Report, Mr Kirk."

So it was to be formal. So be it. Perhaps it was for the best. It would give me time to regain my composure. I briefed him on recent events and he listened in silence. As I recounted my refusal to hand over command, my actions seemed very childish. I was full of doubts. Had I done the right thing? Had wanting to remain in charge of the T'Varon been immature and foolishly human? I wondered what Spock would have done in my position and awaited his judgement with a certain amount of trepidation. I couldn't be sure that he would understand the position I had been in. His expression gave nothing away.

"Captain Stonn may press charges against you, Mr Kirk," he said, eventually. "If the situation warranted it, then it was his right to take command."

I couldn't control the hurt I felt at his stiff, formal manner and his reference to Stonn's opinion. What about mine? "It was a matter of personal judgement, Spock," I replied. "I had the right to voice my objections."

"I did not give you permission to speak," he snapped. "Do not interrupt me."

Stung by his attitude and tone, I stood up and clasped my hands behind me. If he wanted to act the commanding officer then I was honour bound to act the subordinate. But, I wondered what had become of the easygoing and relaxed relationship that now existed when we were alone. Why the military behaviour? All I could deduce was that he didn't approve of the way I had treated Stonn.; what I had been afraid of. Spock - so deeply immersed in Vulcan tradition - believed that respect to a senior officer was paramount.

"On a ship of the Vulcan fleet, your behaviour could be construed as insubordination," he continued. "You refused direct orders from a captain, you did not relinquish command. You may be in serious trouble. It is possible that your time on the T'Varon is at an end."

I knew he was right. Perhaps I had ruined everything for myself - and worse - had jeopardised the future of Vulcan-Terran co-operation. My stubbornness and - yes - my selfishness at not giving up command had overcome me. I wanted command more than anything. I yearned for it. Maybe that's why I didn't relinquish it to Stonn for all I could think about was my own gratification not the well-being of the crew.

Spock stared up at me; the calm almost cold Vulcan officer. Had I let him down, shamed him, after he had trusted me with the ship? I shut my eyes for a moment, in pain, as the thought hit me that his good opinion of me mattered more than starship command. Fool that I was, to place our friendship under such a strain.

"While the captain is incapacitated, I am senior officer of the T'Varon. If I judge that you have behaved irresponsibly then you shall answer to me. Now I will hear your reasons for disobeying Captain Stonn."

I clenched my hands together. I'd never expected to be cross-examined like this but it was my duty to answer him truthfully. "Sir, I believed his interpretation of regulations to be flawed and that his reason for assuming command was suspect. He considered a human to be unfit for responsibility and that the transfer of command between you and I to be invalid due to it not being recorded in the log. He would not accept my explanation of events. I considered it my responsibility to ensure the relief crew was fully briefed by someone who understood ship's status. As we were no longer governed by the emergency I believed it unnecessary for him to take over when I was perfectly capable."

I was silent for a few moments as I tried to examine my motives for acting as I had done. I needed to be honest with myself for if not then how could I face Spock? I couldn't lie to my bond-brother. The relationship we shared was open and honest and it was impossible to hide anything of that nature from each other. Human friendships were much safer than being t'hy'la. One could always keep the worst part of one's nature from the other. In this relationship with a telepath there was no such option.

I looked into his eyes. "You left me in command, sir. I would never betray your trust in me. I could not commit such a crime against you. Even if Captain Stonn thinks otherwise, I was the one best fitted to organise the new crew. Perhaps..." I hesitated, wondering if I could admit such a thing. "Perhaps his attitude angered me." I took a deep breath and continued, "It did anger me but I did my job to the best of my ability." I straightened my shoulders and swallowed hard. "If I have done wrong in your eyes then I ask forgiveness. I will accept any punishment you deem fit."

His expression showed nothing and that gave me the shivers. Used to reading him better now - or so I thought - I wondered if I had been deluding myself in thinking myself able to understand him. Had my actions been so wrong? The ways of Vulcans were still so incomprehensible at times. I forced myself to be still, and unable to take his stare any longer, I looked at the wall. In silence I prayed for his understanding, his sympathy and compassion if I had really done wrong. I couldn't bear him to be disappointed in me but the horrible feeling that he was, tormented me.

After a long silence he spoke. "Your refusal to relinquish command is on the record. You have admitted it. Whether or not it is a breach of regulations is open to interpretation."

A hard lump formed in my throat and threatened to choke me. I dug my nails into my hands so forcibly that pain lanced up into my wrists. I ignored the discomfort and concentrated on his voice, trying to listen for any touch of compassion in it, but that was impossible to tell. If Spock chose to, he could be more emotionless than anyone.

There was a long pause in which my breathing seemed to stop. After what seemed like an eternity he continued, "It is in my opinion - at most- a minor infraction."

Thos words caused an intense surge of joy and I gave him my full attention. His eyes had lost their severe expression and were now warm as they regarded me. I felt my self almost sway with relief.

"Mr Kirk, you ran the ship single-handedly and saved the lives of the captain, first officer and most of the crew. You found the means of defeating the enemy, and sent for rescue. Your actions cannot be faulted. It is highly unlikely that any charge brought by Captain Stonn would be upheld. If there are any questions concerning your right to command this ship then pleased be assured that I will support and defend you. I know what is in your heart."

At times like this, I could hug him and submerge myself into our telepathic link with reckless abandon. I just wanted to show him how much his friendship meant to me but caution prevailed. He wouldn't welcome such a display. Somehow I had to find the patience to wait for the moment he would permit me to join with him in our special rapport.

"May I speak?" I asked, still cautious. At his nod, I continued. "I want to thank you for your support."

"You have a disturbing ability for getting into trouble, Mr Kirk."

"Another fault," I admitted, with an embarrassed chuckle.

"Indeed," he commented, in his enigmatic way.

I grinned then asked, "May I bring you some food?"

"No, thank you. Now you must rest. You have done quite enough for any being."

He was doing it again; looking after me when he was the one who needed care. I wasn't going to allow that. "Spock, when did you last eat? You must at least have some simbia."

"I do not require.." he began.

"I will get it for you," I interrupted, ignoring his protests and the stare he was giving me. He was too selfless, never concerned about his own welfare, but it was my duty to care for him if necessary. I brought him the drink, placed it in his hand, and sat down to wait. We stared at one another and this time he was the one to yield. With a sudden sigh of resignation he downed the lot and handed me the empty cup. When our eyes met, I noted that his expression had softened. I grinned, delighted that he was not annoyed with me any more. I couldn't help but intrude on his privacy at times like this. It was my right and he'd have to accept it.

"I have not yet thanked you for saving my life," he said.

"You do not need to thank me," I said.

"But I must. It would be ill-mannered, and ungracious if I did not." He held out his hand. "May I touch your thoughts?"

Happiness enveloped me. He was allowing me in, letting me share his thoughts, giving me the most wondrous gift of all; a part of his inner self. In answer I guided his hand to my face and in answer he smiled very slightly and pulled me into a tight embrace. I returned his hold in unconcealed delight for after what we'd been through and the many hours apart, to know he was alive and well and able to sense his telepathic touch filtering through me was just sublime. We slipped into the familiarity of the meld but deeper than before. We didn't converse but shared emotions in some kind of mutual harmony. Although nothing quite like this had occurred during any other meld, I didn't flinch from it. Instead I accepted and reached out in the knowledge that we truly joined in a unique togetherness that went beyond anything I had ever known or imagined. It was a blending, a fusion of the deepest, purest kind.

After a long time, I became aware of him calling me. Jim... Jim, your feelings overwhelm me.

I tried to find my inner voice but it wasn't easy. I wanted to remain in this magical place of peace and harmony where loneliness didn't exist. Forgive me, I finally managed. I love this closeness. It is a balm to me.

Indeed, it is most interesting.

My laughter rippled through us both. Is that the only way you can describe it?

No. it is the only way I will describe it.

Even in this most intimate of communication he would not admit his feelings. Well it didn't matter. I knew them anyway. They had encompassed my whole being. I felt myself being held at arms length and I forced my eyes open. His gaze on me showed signs of amusement. "You must sleep now. You are exhausted."

I didn't argue for everything was catching up on me. The heaviness in my body and mind was all-demanding and I couldn't fight it. I think I slumped down then I knew nothing more.

Rejection

When I woke up the room was dark and I was alone. I sat up, confused. How had I come to be sleeping in Spock's bed? Then the memory of the meld and my exhausted fall into slumber returned and flopping back on the bed, I stretched out and relaxed. I felt deeply rested and content. This glow of well-being was a side-effect of the meld and I decided to enjoy every minute of it.

The door chime startled me. I was about to answer when Spock's voice sounded in the outer chamber and activated the unlocking mechanism. I snuggled into the pillow and closed my eyes, content to lie here until it was necessary to leave.

"Greetings, Commander Spock," a female voice said.

"Greetings, Commander T'Pring."

"I am here to inquire about Mr Kirk's whereabouts."

"He is here."

"Why is he not in his quarters?"

"He is exhausted. He sleeps."

"In your bed!"

"Affirmative. He has overtaxed his strength. I would keep him close to me."

"I am ordered to keep him under guard."

"Unnecessary. He is my responsibility."

"Captain Stonn accuses him of insubordination."

"In my opinion, Mr Kirk has done no wrong. Captain Stonn may, however, bring charges against him once we reach starbase. On this ship he may not. I am first officer here and in that capacity shall deal with any member of the crew."

"You are not in command, Spock."

"Once pronounced medically fit, I shall reassume my duties."

"I have my orders, Spock."

"T'Pring, you may not have him. I pledge his behaviour with my life. It is my right, as his t'hy'la, as well you know."

"You would do this for a human?"

"He will answer to me if he misbehaves."

My eyes were wide open now. What the hell were they talking about? What new aspect were they discussing? Could I even ask Spock for he thought me asleep and their voices were very low. I'm not even sure how I was able to hear them! Maybe I was attuned to Spock in some way. 'I would answer to him if I misbehaved!' What in hell did that mean? Somehow I didn't care to find out.

"Very well. I shall inform Stonn." There was a moment of tense silence then, "It has been many years, Spock."

"Indeed."

"I wish to speak plainly."

"Do so."

"I do not wish to be your consort."

I gasped with astonishment. So she was Spock's betrothed! This beautiful woman who had looked at me with curiosity. Why... How could she not want to marry Spock?

Spock's voice was even but I sensed his raw hurt. "Explain."

"I wish to bond with another."

"Who?"

"Stonn."

I was amazed. How could she was so stupid as to want that arrogant, ugly bastard and reject the gentle, brilliant, remarkable Spock? Could it be that she didn't want to marry a hybrid? I was sick of all this bigotry. I know it was confined to a few but they were as nasty a lot as I'd ever encountered.

"I cannot free you, T'Pring. There is only one way to divorce me and that must wait until the proper time."

"Our bonding is not a true one. I do not feel your touch."

"I sense yours - faintly."

"I wished our bonding dissolved."

"If that is your wish then you may file for an annulment. If it is not permitted I shall meet you at the appointed place."

"Very well, Spock."

The doors opened and closed then there was complete silence.. I lay in the darkness, scarcely breathing. My friend had just been rejected by that arrogant bitch. What were the consequences of her words? If she couldn't get an annulment they would either have to marry with Spock knowing she didn't want him or else be divorced at the proper time - whatever that meant. There was so little about Vulcan marriage recorded in the T'Varon library.

Jim... His call reached my mind and, although I don't know how I heard that silent plea, I was out of that bed in a second and rushing into the other room where he stood, still as a statue. I stared at him in concern. He frowned on seeing me. "Jim, forgive me, I did not mean to waken you."

"I was already awake. I did not mean to eavesdrop but I heard... Then you called me."

His eyes showed shock and a touch of awe but it swiftly disappeared. "Then you will understand that you must do exactly as I tell you and not defy Captain Stonn again. I am responsible for your behaviour. If you do not obey, you will be severely punished."

His voice was clipped and in a tone that brooked no disobedience. I wouldn't have allowed anyone else to talk to me that way but this was Spock and, I knew the stress he was under. "I swear that I will obey. I would not bring any shame on you," I said.

"Very well." His tone softened as he took in my dishevelled hair, state of undress and submissive attitude.

I decided not to bring up the subject of T'Pring unless he wished to talk about her. Obviously it was too sensitive an issue at the moment. I could only give him my word that I would obey his orders. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let him down.

He seemed to relax a little. "You may use my shower and then you will accompany me to sickbay."

I nodded and headed for the bathroom. He had to have the security of knowing that I was supporting him and not behaving immaturely. Neither Stonn nor any other would find fault with Spock through me.

Sivon passed both of us as fit for duty. As we sat in his office, my awareness of his compassion and wisdom was so strong. He studied us with his keen gaze and I knew he thought about his long dead t'hy'la. How had he endured such a loss? I shuddered at the emptiness there would be if Spock were taken from me.

"I sense the power of your bond," he said. "Its aura is unmistakable."

Spock's brow rose. "Indeed."

Sivon almost smiled. "Indeed. I am a healer of the seventh level."

The eyebrow rose further. "Indeed!"

I didn't quite know what Sivon meant but I guessed he was a very high ranking healer with special gifts.

He looked at me. "Something has changed since last I saw you." He concentrated on and around me then a smile did reach his gentle features. "Ah, you have reached the deep communion. I am pleased." I wondered how he had known. "Do not let my ability to sense this concern you," Sivon continued. "It is sometimes a liability but at this moment it is a privilege. I know what you feel. I have also shared such joy. Cherish it for it is like no other. Honour one another, for you are both unique individuals."

Spock stood and, at once, I followed his example. He bowed respectfully to the healer. "I heed thy words of wisdom, Sivon."

"Live long and prosper in thy brotherhood," he replied.

These Vulcans never failed to amaze me. They were not emotionless but were controlled, sensitive people greatly misunderstood by other Federation members. I bowed to Sivan with all the respect my clumsy body could show and received another gracious smile from the distinguished healer. I returned it and without any further discussion, Spock and I left.

After a silent meal in the rec room, we made our way to the bridge. Spock's demeanour proclaimed that he wished to be left in peace so I didn't dare intrude on his privacy. I was still unsure about his mood, after T'Pring's rejection and his strict words to me. At any other time I could have teased him out of it but I knew that he needed to be totally Vulcan right now. He was going to confront his rival, Stonn, and needed me to stand by and support him.

As the lift sped on its way, I watched Spock anxiously. I was afraid for him and, I must admit, a little afraid of him if I said or did something foolish. My impulsiveness had landed me in trouble a few times despite my determination to curb it. As the lift neared its destination his eyes sought mine. I will not shame thee, I tried to say. I will not dishonour thee. I couldn't find my voice.

He had demanded obedience but was unsure if I could be trusted to give it. I had to prove that I would and could but was distressed that he should have to doubt me. I recalled the communion we had shared, then my exhausted descent into sleep. He had cared for me, putting me to bed as if I was a child. He was the closest friend of my life. I needed him to trust me not to shame him.

The lift stopped but he touched the lock then turned to face me. "Jim, I did not mean to be so harsh with you." That caught me by surprise. Once again I had misunderstood, thinking that he didn't want my concern and only wanted to be alone.

"You were not harsh. You had the right to say what you did. Please believe that I will obey. I have sworn it."

"Indeed, you did swear it," he replied with a slight smile, "in a most un-military state of undress."

I grinned at his teasing. "If that invalidates it then I will gladly swear it again."

He gripped my shoulders with both hands. "That will not be necessary, Jim. You were sincere. Even to a non-telepath it would have been obvious." He hesitated then added, "You cannot hide anything from me. I would not have you afraid of me."

"I am afraid only of my own impulsiveness and your anger if it hurt you."

"You are wise to fear my anger, Jim, but it shall not be unleashed at you," he paused, "unless, of course, you merit it."

"I will do my utmost not to kindle the flames of Vulcan anger," I teased right back before adding seriously, "I doubt I could bear its heat."

He squeezed my shoulder. "Then you will not provoke it."

"I will not provoke it," I assured him.

"Good. Then let us take the T'Varon to starbase twenty one."

"Yes, sir," I replied.

He took a very deep breath and I sensed how apprehensive he was about confronting Stonn. I clasped his arms and opened my mind, attempting to transmit my unwavering support. You are twice the man Stonn is. Do not him intimidate you, I encouraged.

He leaned on me, drawing some kind of strength and I braced myself to give him what he needed from me. It was like a passage of my will, my determination to his and I was proud that he should ask it of me. It showed me, again, how much he valued me.

After a short time, he stood back, released the door lock and entered the bridge..

Confrontations

All was quiet. Personnel from the Surakim, manned all stations, and Stonn was at the centre seat. With an assurance and calm that was totally Vulcan, Spock approached the captain; I followed a few paces behind then stood by his shoulder and clenched my hands behind my back. I endeavoured to remain still.

"Commander Spock reporting for duty, sir. I now relieve you of command."

Stonn looked up at Spock. "I shall remain in command of the T'Varon. You may take over the science station."

Spock did not move. I admired his control. "Sir, I respectfully remind you that I am first officer of this vessel. In the captain's absence command reverts to me. I have been passed as medically fit to return to duty. It is now logical for you to return to your ship while I assume command of mine."

There was barely concealed hostility in Stonn's gaze. "It is my judgement that I am duty bound to remain while my officers crew the T'Varon."

"That is permissible only under emergency regulations nine five zero. Until my own crew are recovered, I shall command your officers."

As I listened to them, my breathing and heart rate increased. Would Stonn listen to reason or would he be blinded by his arrogance and assume that he as best fitted for taking the ship to starbase?

"I consider this an emergency," came the clipped reply.

"I disagree, sir. The Rynami are destroyed. The warp engines are performing adequately at warp three. I only need key personnel to assist in the maintenance and running of ship's functions. Your prime duty is to the Surakim. I thank you for your help but respectfully submit that your presence on the bridge is now unnecessary."

Anger seethed inside me as Stonn continued to resist. He and Spock quoted regulations back and forth, bandied logic against logic until my mind reeled with the complexity of it. As Stonn became more insulting, I bit back my emotions but it was difficult. I had given Spock my word but it was virtually impossible to hold my tongue when Stonn gave me a baleful look and said with great disdain, "How can one who has taken a human as bond-brother, who gives a human command of a Vulcan ship, be trusted. Humans are an inferior species."

Spock's mouth tightened and I could sense his deep, bitter anger. "You have no right to speak of Mr Kirk in such a manner. He saved the ship, when Vulcans were incapacitated by the attack. His humanity is different not inferior."

An ugly sneer crossed Stonn's face. "Of course you defend him for you are half-human. Do you cleave to your mother's species? I have heard of unnatural practices amongst them. Perhaps it is not the bonding of t'hy'la between you, but something base and unspeakable to us and accepted amongst emotion-seeking savages. Is it possible, son of Amanda, that these animal passions are strong in you? It may be that you find this... human... attractive. Perhaps would wish to mate with him. Perhaps you have already done so."

Spock's horror and fury at Stonn's malicious words swept right through me. The bastard! He wanted T'Pring for himself, was trying to degrade Spock and was using me to do it. Although homosexual congress was accepted as normal by many species, the only sexual union known amongst Vulcans was the male-female bond. The bond of t'hy'la was different, in the sense that gender was irrelevant; only compatibility mattered in this purely platonic relationship. I had no prejudices concerning any loving relationships. In Starfleet one learned to accept and understand any and all type of sexual contact, without necessarily being part of it oneself.

"I have been informed that he slept in your bed," Stonn continued, his voice dripping contempt.

I fumed with anger at his innuendo. So T'Pring had told him and together they had twisted it into what was to them, a dirty accusation. How dare they?

"Those remarks are out of order, Captain," Spock said as coldly as I had ever witnessed him. "It is dishonourable to insult another. Please leave the bridge at once."

He was on a knife edge. I, who knew him so well now, noted the tiny signs of anger he showed. I felt the pounding of his heart in my ears and burned with the anger in his mind. I shook with the intensity of his feelings and their effect on my own. Stonn's eyes blazed. "Pervert. Child of an unnatural alliance. How dare you give me orders."

I could have killed him. I'd willingly have fired a phaser at him, or struck a knife into his heart for treating Spock so brutally. My world narrowed into a haze of conflict; blind livid wrath. I fought to control my temper.

"Yes. I do order you," Spock said, his tone menacing. "Your presence on the bridge is not required any more. You have allowed your emotions to overcome your control. If you do not comply with my orders my human t'hy'la shall escort you to the brig where you will await trial on starbase twenty one. The charges will be slander, prejudice against your fellow officers, and malicious intent to undermine a ruling of the Vulcan council."

I couldn't restrain myself any longer. "I shall willingly testify against you, Captain Stonn."

"Mr Kirk, you shall remain quiet," Spock said.

I scarcely heard him as my pent up anger burst out of me. "You have no right to malign what is good and true. You have insulted my t'hy'la. You are contemptible."

"Silence," Spock ordered me with a raking glance.

"But he has no right to insult you," I argued, my emotions overriding my good sense.

"Silence, I say," he hissed.

I shivered as his displeasure ripped through me like an open wound. The pain was intense and bitter. Fool that I was, I had sworn not to defy Stonn, sworn to obey Spock and I had failed him. I stared into his angry eyes, pleading for forgiveness, but he sent a bolt of telepathic fury that tore into me and almost doubled me up with pain. He turned away from me then, dismissing me as if I were an insect and unworthy of his attention. I straightened my shoulders and stood at attention. If I didn't I knew I would give into the pain and fall over.

"Captain Stonn, you are relieved," Spock said in an icy tone. "If you do not leave voluntarily I shall advise your first officer that you are unfit for command and that she must take charge of the Surakim until we reach starbase."

Stonn was silent for a few moments then with a dark look at Spock, he brushed by him and swept towards the lift. Everyone stared after him in shocked silence. Once the lift doors had closed behind Stonn, Spock surveyed the bridge crew. "Attend to your work," he commanded, his tone harsh.

He was obeyed very swiftly and soon there was quiet once more. I swallowed, fearful now over my earlier stupidity. Would he forgive me for butting in when I should have kept my mouth shut? The human he had accepted as t'hy'la had disobeyed him and shamed him before the others. I was useless, a wretch who didn't deserve the honour he had given me. I cursed myself for the impulsive outburst and swore that - somehow - I would gain his forgiveness.

He pressed the chair intercom. "Security officer to the bridge." I frowned. Surely he wasn't going to arrest me? "Mr Spock," I ventured.

"You will be silent," he said in a tone that caused sweat to break out on my forehead. I lowered my head, determined that I must accept whatever fate he decreed. It was my only way to redeem myself in his eyes.

I waited in silence until a security officer arrived on the bridge. "Your stasis device," Spock requested.

I trembled in horror. He was so furious with me that he was going to confine me in stasis cuffs; a course reserved for violent prisoners. How contemptible he must think me. I didn't dare look at him as I held out my wrists. Moments later they were locked in the stasis field, able to move enough so as not to cause discomfort but imprisoned all the same like a common criminal. Shame scalded me.

"Confine him to quarters," Spock said.

After two hours spent pacing my quarters I was ready to explode. I berated myself. Why hadn't I been able to control my tongue. I had walked right into Stonn's trap, reinforcing his contempt for all that was human and for Spock, whose betrothed he wanted. I could have cried, but that release was denied me. My insides churned, my eyes burned, my mind still recoiled at the searing look Spock had given me. His anger at me had hurt me more than anything had ever done before.

The door chime interrupted my pacing. Let it be him, I prayed. "Enter," I called aloud in a hoarse croak, and to my surprise the door opened to reveal T'Renna and Sivon there. I bit back my disappointment.

The two Vulcans came in and studied me for a short time, then T'Renna stepped forward. "Mr Kirk, you will become ill if you do not relax." She indicated a chair. "Please sit down."

"I cannot," I replied.

Sivon moved towards me and, to my amazement, gently but firmly forced me to sit down. He kept his hand on my shoulder and would not allow me to move away. "Relax, Mr Kirk," he soothed, his touch sending reassurance through me. I marvelled at this until I remembered he was a healer of the highest level. He could probably just about work miracles. "The displeasure of one's t'hy'la is like a thorn in an open wound. It tears and twists in the flesh and in the mind, like fire."

He understood... My voice shook as I asked for advice. "What can I do? How can I make things right?"

"The provocation was severe. Your misdemeanour will be forgiven - in time."

"He is furious with me." I held out my wrists, showing them the shimmering field of the stasis cuffs.

Sivon's eyes were sympathetic. "Young Vulcans can be a trifle hot-headed. Even Spock, who is more Vulcan than any other, can lose control under such difficult circumstances."

"I let him down. I shamed him," I persisted.

"You defended him and the bond you share," T'Renna said, and touched my other shoulder. "Spock will soon realise that. Be patient."

I tried to hold onto my precarious control for I knew that these two healers sensed my pain. They accepted it and their kindness was such that they attempted to ease it for me. "My thanks for your understanding," I said.

Sivon's grip tightened. "My touch is not that of the one you need but if you will permit, I shall strengthen you."

My gratitude welled up and I looked at him. He had personal experience of the intense relationship of t'hy'la and even envied me my pain. He knew and considered my suffering worth it for what had been.

"And what is to come," he added, gently.

I gave a start as I realised that some sort of light meld had taken place.

"I am a healer," he said, as if that should explain it.

They stayed with me for a time, urging me to eat or drink. I refused, knowing that I would be physically sick if any food passed my lips. Finally they left me alone, promising to return in a few hours. I thanked them and once they had gone I resumed my pacing.

It was fully twelve hours later before Spock arrived. I had not slept, nor eaten, nor drank. I was frantic with worry and fear. All sense of security had been lost during those long and bitter hours of waiting, as I condemned and punished myself for my outburst. I was harsh and unforgiving with myself. I had promised not to defy Stonn and to obey Spock. I had reneged on my word and had dishonoured us both and the precious bond we shared.

He strode into the room, his face expressionless and his manner cold. I bit my lip. I didn't know what was expected of me and had no idea of what he would do or say. How had everything turned out so wrong? How could I have been so stupid? As he watched me, my stomach churned and I could not control the involuntary shiver that swept down my spine. I lowered my eyes, wracked by guilt and not knowing how to undo the damage I had done or the words so rashly uttered.

"My t'hy'la, I beg thy forgiveness," I whispered in a hoarse voice. I had no pride left, only the need to atone for my transgression.

I awaited his response in a silent, oppressive room. My mind cried out in a silent plea as I focussed inwards on our link, and my perceptions narrowed down to that fragile thread to sense it without touch.

"Hold out your arms. I shall uncuff you," he said. His words shook me out of my concentration and I looked up into his face, searching for any signs of compassion. There was none. He stood with the stasis control in his hand; his face cold and his manner stiff.

I couldn't move. I just watched him for some flicker of feeling on his impassive features.

"You did not obey me," he said, after a full minute must have gone by.

"I know," I said, stumbling over my words. "I tried to control but when he insulted you it was too much. When he accused you it..."

"I ordered you to hold out your arms," he interrupted.

I blinked at his words; we had been talking at cross purposes. My impulse was to stay where I was and continue to plead until he relented but caution prevailed. I didn't dare defy him again. Holding out my arms, I watched him press the control to dissolve the stasis cuffs. Once free, I flexed my fingers. The cuffs had not caused any physical pain nor had they left marks but the humiliation, and indignity of their restraint had left me distressed. That Spock had considered me worthless enough to warrant their use was an even deeper hurt. Yet, I had deserved it.

"Does my displeasure cause you to neglect yourself so?" he asked in a voice tinged with reproach. "Does my understanding and forgiveness mean so much to you that you would overcome your pride to plead so?"

My tension lifted a little, leaving me weak with relief. "Yes, I would do anything for you." My answer came straight from the heart.

His expression softened and that made me shake all the more. "And I for you," he responded.

My eyes stung. "Even forgive such a fool as I?"

"Even that," he teased, gently.

I flushed at his slightly mocking tone and penetrating look. He had an uncanny knack to reduce this confident, self-reliant human into a quivering wreck!

Something in his expression changed and concerned I held out my hand. "Spock?"

"I should not have incarcerated you in stasis cuffs. You did not deserve that indignity. I succumbed to emotion; anger at Stonn that I directed at you. My behaviour was unforgivable."

"Nonsense," I chided him. "You did what you thought was correct. I disobeyed my commanding officer and he had every right to punish me. Maybe you were a little harsh but that was your right and I submitted to that." As the reason for his behaviour suddenly dawned on me, I smiled. "You would not have treated another so severely. It was worse for you because it was I defying you. You reacted by being tougher on me than you would be normally."

He was confused. "I do not understand."

"Allow me to explain, to show you." I moved closer to him, reaching for the meld I had wished so desperately for during these past hours spent here in my cabin. I wanted the security of that communion Sivon had sensed happen between us.

As we merged our minds, all misunderstandings healed as we communed in honesty and harmony. Wondrous emotions surged between us and happiness encompassed me as the depth of his regard for me was revealed. Those feelings I returned with all the abandon of my emotional humanity. He didn't force an end to the meld, due to the fact that he was completely overwhelmed by the force of my enthusiasm. We parted slowly; a joint decision reached somewhere in the depths of our shared thoughts. I blinked as the outer world returned and grinned into the warm, bony shoulder my face was pressed against. As we had melded we must have unconsciously moved into a hug. I sensed his embarrassment as he realised he was holding me, and I laughed at his predicament. How could he possibly be embarrassed by a physical embrace, after the mental closeness we had shared?

He stepped back, struggled for control, then clasping his hands behind him forced himself into the role of Vulcan first officer.

I shook my head. "Really, Mr Spock, you are quite illogical." My teasing had the desired effect for green tinged his cheek bones.

"Indeed, Mr Kirk," came his stiff reply.

I grinned but was almost faint with relief now and he knew it. He fussed over me like a mother hen and I was only too glad to let him.

Starbase

By the time we were called to the inquiry tribunal at starbase twenty one, I was fully rested but still a trifle apprehensive over Stonn. After his humiliation at Spock's hands, I was sure he could and would be vindictive. Spock sensed my mood and placed a supporting hand on my shoulder. With a grin to him, I straightened my back and followed him into the base commander's office.

Commodore T'Paz was an elegant woman of indeterminate age. She exuded authority and I had learned she had been a captain in the fleet at one time. Beside her sat Captain T'Zen, Healers T'Renna and Sivon, and another Vulcan who was unfamiliar to me. He was distinguished, white haired, and wore admiral's stripes.

I stood by Spock's side and waited, trying not to fidget, under the five pairs of scrutinising eyes staring at us. After an interminable time, Commodore T'Paz spoke. "Lt Commander, Spock, Lt Commander Kirk, we have studied your reports and have reached an unanimous decision on your actions."

My lips were dry. What would their verdict be? Would they favour Stonn's account? Would they believe I'd acted incorrectly and that Spock had been wrong to leave me in command? I drew in some of Spock's calm and slowly relaxed.

The Vulcans rose to their feet and the admiral spoke. "Lt Commander Spock, by the powers invested in me by Starfleet and the Vulcan Council, I now promote you to the rank of Commander."

I was delighted at this justly deserved award. The admiral moved over to Spock, opened the small box he held in his hand and took out a glittering medal in the shape of the ancient Vulcan symbol of Ka'la'qy'n. It was a high honour, given only to a select few who were considered the bravest of the brave. Spock was certainly that... The older Vulcan pinned the medal on Spock's tunic then said, "You are awarded this medal of valour for services to your ship and crew." All the Vulcans bowed to Spock and he, in turn, bowed to them.

I was so full of joy for Spock that I wanted to dance with excitement, and it took a supreme effort to remain still. The distinguished admiral looked at me and I met his gaze. What would he say to me? Would he say anything at all? He turned away and I felt a slight tinge of disappointment. Didn't I merit any praise at all? Well, I guessed I shouldn't be looking for it. Spock's approval was all I needed and the knowledge that he was being recognised.

The admiral turned back to me. "Lt Commander Kirk, by the powers invested in me by Starfleet and the Vulcan Council, I now promote you to the rank of commander. Furthermore due to your bravery and ability during the recent emergency, it is the wish of Captain T'Zen that you be given command duties and take on the responsibility of second officer."

I could scarcely breathe. I was utterly shocked. They were allowing me into the chain of command. No longer would I be just an experiment in inter-species co-operation, I would be a full commander and third in command of the T'Varon. Savouring the wonderful moment, I exchanged a long look with Spock, sensing his delight, sending him mine.

The admiral lifted his hand and showed me the box he held. He opened it to reveal another medal, identical to Spock's. He pinned it on my tunic then said, "You are awarded this medal of valour for services to your ship and crew."

They all bowed and I returned the gesture as I had seen Spock do. It took all my training in emotional control to hold back any outward show of my happiness. I was calm, almost Vulcan in my demeanour, although I don't know how I managed it. I sensed Spock's approval of me and my tenuous victory over myself. Poor Spock, he would pay for this later when I exploded with joy!

T'Zen watched us with satisfaction, Sivon was almost smiling and even T'Renna's normally severe mien had softened. "You may now have two week's leave time," T'Zen announced. "The ship will be undergoing repairs here on starbase and your presence will not be required. This planet offers a great deal. It is beautiful and the fresh air and quiet of its wild areas will be beneficial to you both after your ordeal. Commander Spock, Commander Kirk, you are dismissed."

I followed Spock from the room, in a daze. We had just been given two weeks leave! I struggled to maintain a decorous pace as we made our way back to the ship, and only once in Spock's quarters did I allow myself to unwind. Almost bursting with enthusiasm, I grabbed him in a bear hug and swung him around. Taken by surprise, he hung onto me for support and his eyes almost bulged from his head in amazement.

"Jim!" he exclaimed as his weight nearly knocked me over, but somehow he managed to find his feet then stood rooted to the ground. "Commander Kirk, you are behaving just like an excited human."

"Commander Spock, I am an excited human!" I admitted. "Come on, this calls for a drink." All starbases had several bars, surely even a Vulcan one would have facilities for other species. "I am buying."

His expression was puzzled. "There are a wide variety of drinks available from the food selector, Jim. Why would you wish to buy one?"

"Spock, I mean a real drink. Saurian brandy, I think. That will put hairs on your chest."

His eyebrows rose right up to his hairline. "I do not understand. I already have hairs on my chest."

Of course, he had taken me literally! I tried to explain. "I um mean to celebrate. UM..." I trailed off at the stare he was giving me.

"Saurian brandy is an alcoholic beverage. Vulcans do not drink alcohol."

I interrupted before I got a lecture on the subject. "Spock, I will get you any other drink you want. It is just a way of celebrating our promotions."

In the end he conceded to my enthusiasm and accompanied me to the Terran Bar, a small establishment run for visiting human and humanoid personnel. His entrance caused a stir; it was likely that he was the first Vulcan to grace its portals. He followed me - somewhat reluctantly - over to a small table and sat himself opposite me. He placed his hands on the surface, clasped them together and stared at the wall. I guess he was uncomfortable here.

"What will you have?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "Water, please."

"Water it is." I called the waiter over, ordered a double Saurian brandy for myself and Altair water for Spock.

I ignored the interested stares of the bar's other patrons. They were mainly humanoids of various types from Starfleet and merchant ships. The waiter returned with our drinks and I took a long appreciative sniff of the brandy before taking a tentative sip of its delicious intoxicating taste. It burned a delightful trail of fire down my throat and I licked my lips. Spock watched me curiously, studying my every reaction as I savoured every mouthful of the brandy. I looked at him and that seemed to give him the opening he required for he began to lecture me on the harmful effects of alcohol and quoting every imaginable detail from every study known to man - or Vulcan.

"Are you trying to spoil my enjoyment?" I asked, perhaps a little aggressively.

His eyes widened. "Indeed not, Jim. I am only concerned for your health."

I ignored him and ordered another, finished the first then took a generous swig of the second. I was getting a bit light-headed. "Try some, Spock," I invited. Boy this stuff was potent; my senses were reeling.

"Jim, we will leave," Spock said.

"Why?" I blinked and squeezed my eyes shut. Jim Kirk not able to hold his liquor? Unbelievable! Of course, my system was so clear after living on a wholesome Vulcan diet for so long and that's why the liquor was affecting me so quickly. Normally it would take a lot more to get me tipsy. "I want to stay - have some more," I argued as the room began to sway in a pleasant manner.

I was unable to contain a loud belch from escaping. I smiled apologetically and took another swig. It spread through my insides wit a glowing, radiant warmth.

"You are exhibiting signs of intoxication," Spock said. "We will leave at once."

"Aw, Spock, don't spoil my fun," I said in English, thoughtlessly grabbing his arm. Touching him in public! Touching a Vulcan in public! I was aghast at my own temerity.

"Human behaviour is incomprehensible to me. You may remain here, if you wish. I am leaving to prepare for shore leave. I shall see you on my return in two weeks."

That sobered me at once. "What! Where are you going? I thought, I assumed we were going together..."

His face was as cold as ice. Oh no, I had upset him again! My idiotic tipsy behaviour had embarrassed him. What a stupid fool I was - a stupid, drunken fool.

"I will travel to the interior of the planet. Once there I shall rest and meditate." His tone was curt.

"Bur what about me?" I asked, a little hurt that he was shutting me out. A little hurt! Who was I trying to kid?

"It is obvious that your shore leave requirements are different to mine. Starbase twenty one has many facilities to amuse humans." He looked, with distaste, at the drink in my hand then stood up. "If you will excuse me."

I watched his retreating back, my mind numbing at this new misunderstanding between us. It had all been my fault again. I rose to follow him but the bartender stopped me wanting payment. I gave him my Starfleet credit account but the time it took him to deal with the transaction seemed to last much longer than the few seconds it did. At last I was able to get away but was stopped at the door by some human officers, whom I didn't know, but who sure had heard of me. I excused myself as politely as possible, only to be besieged outside by media reporters anxious for an interview.

I almost pushed them aside until I remembered that my mission on the T'Varon was of galaxy-wide interest. I had to give a good impression for my family, for Starfleet , for humans as a species. I forced myself to be pleasant and tried to answer their questions. What was it like to serve on a Vulcan ship? How did I relate to my ship-mates? How had I adapted? Did I miss human company? How did I feel about my field promotion? The questions went on and on until two security officers came to my rescue. I thanked them and hastened to the transporter room, hoping that Spock had not left the ship. It had been almost an hour since his sudden departure and he could be packed and even at his destination.

I beamed aboard then hurried along the corridors, passing only a few starbase maintenance techs. Most of the regular crew would be gone by now. I crashed into Spock's quarters calling his name but there was no reply. The rooms were empty. My stomach lurched. Damn Spock. Where was he? If he had left without me then this latest misunderstanding would last for weeks... I couldn't bear his displeasure, if it was seriously directed to me. He knew it too. Surely he wouldn't abandon me like this. I touched the intercom. "Commander Spock, are you still aboard? Please respond." I counted the seconds - five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. "Spock," I called again.

The door hissed open, startling me, and Spock walked in. "Yes, Mr Kirk," he said, in a calm and even voice.

"I do not want to sample starbase facilities for humans," I blurted out, not caring if I sounded like a child in trouble with a parent. "I want to go with you."

"You have not been amongst your own people for months. You will enjoy their company. You need recreation suitable for a young human."

I stepped towards him. "No, please, I would rather be with you. If you will allow it. I apologise for my behaviour in the bar. The brandy went to my head."

He relented a little. "Apology accepted. However, I think it would be unwise for you to accompany me. I will be walking in the planet's wilderness areas, sleeping in the open, living simply. You would be bored."

"No," I argued, desperate not to be left here. The thought of walking through beautiful countryside, breathing pure, scented air was very appealing. "I have roughed it before with Sam. I will enjoy it. Please let me come with you. I promise that I will try to behave and endeavour not to be an irritation to you." I was vaguely aware of my amazement at pleading with him yet again. I didn't care though. All I wanted was that he shouldn't go on leave without me.

Spock's expression didn't change as he spoke. "My bond-brother is not an irritation to me. He is uniquely himself. I would be honoured if he would accompany me. Those words caused a glow in me that alcohol couldn't match. "Please contact ship's stores and order a sleeping bag for yourself," Spock added.

My irreverent sense of humour couldn't resist that. "You mean we are using separate ones this time?"

"Affirmative," he replied, with great dignity.

"I see. Perhaps you will change your mind." His eyebrow rose and a slight flush stained his ear-tips. I could see that he was sorely tempted to retaliate to my teasing. "Indeed," he replied. "That is possible."

It was my turn to redden but I grinned, pleased with his ability to get his own back on me, something I needed to keep me in line. "The pleasures of the human sector of starbase twenty one, are obviously more suited to your temperament. It would be logical for you to take your leave there."

I groaned. Had I read him so wrongly again? I lowered my head, trying to contain my frustration and annoyance with myself. "Spock, I ..."

"Of course," he ignored my mumbling, " when dealing with a human, logic does not apply, and despite your strange sense of humour and mystifying ability to pick arguments with me, I ask you to join me for shore leave. During that time there will be no barrier of rank between us. We shall just be friends."

Warmth enveloped me. I grinned at him and held out my hand. "Friends," I agreed.

We clasped hands to confirm the bargain. I just hoped I'd be able to keep myself in check and not ruin his shore leave. He needed relaxation after his ordeal. Perhaps it would be better if I did permit him to go alone.

"No," he said, answering my thought. "I have always spent shore leave alone. There were many times that I yearned for a companion."

"I have always spent shore leave in a group but still felt alone," I answered him honestly. "That seems strange but it is true. I think this will be the best shore leave ever."

He smiled slightly. "Indeed."

We returned to the ship, two weeks later. I was exhilarated from the healthy living, the invigorating hikes through miles of beautiful scenery, and the fresh, clean air in my lungs. Not to mention the relaxed and interesting companion by my side. We were so different yet so compatible. I decided that it had been my best ever shore leave. The long days out in the open had been perfect and had eased out my tensions. I was now ready to take on my responsibilities on the T'Varon.

We were welcomed aboard by a crew now recovered from the devastating attack; all bowed to us with deepest respect. There were new personnel though, the replacements for the seriously injured and dead. One new crew-member frowned at me. "You bow to a human?" he asked his companion.

The other - Lt Salen of Communications - spoke sharply to the boy. "This is Commander Kirk. he is second officer and t'hy'la to Commander Spock - the first officer."

The youngster's eyes widened then he too bowed respectfully. I nodded at him then asked, "What is your name?"

His nervousness - although hidden - was just about distinguishable. "Lt Sival, sir."

"Welcome aboard, Lt Sival," I said.

He bowed again. "I am honoured, sir."

Spock was watching me with mild amusement and as we walked away he commented, "I do not think you will have many problems commanding Vulcans."

"I wish I were so confident," I said. "It is unsettling when you all seem to know so much more than me."

"A command officer relies on specialists to supply data. You do not need to know everything yourself."

"You do," I retaliated.

He raised both brows. "You are incorrect. I have much to learn." He hesitated. "You have taught me much."

I smiled at him with great affection. He was too modest. He glanced away and I knew that my emotions had shaken him. I brought them under control, for we were back on the ship and I must retain the respect of those under me. If I didn't restrain my impulses - at least in public - I would embarrass my friend. He had put up with a lot during shore leave, letting me express myself without restriction. Eventually he had unbent and relaxed in a fashion I would never have believed possible. His trust in me was deeply touching.

He seemed to understand my thoughts for he added, "The crew respect you, Jim." He always knew how to ease my doubts and I relaxed inside and was content. "We need not report for duty for two point five hours. Do you wish to go to the gymnasium?"

I grinned at his request. "Oh, yes, Spock. I certainly do." I lowered my voice to reach his ears only. "I am going to get you back for that time at the lake."

He folded his arms across his chest. "Really!"

"Oh yes. You've not yet experienced all my dirty tactics," I warned.

The alarm on his face was amusing. Vulcan and stronger than me, yet I could shake him. In fact, I took great pleasure in doing so. With confidence, I strode along the corridors towards the gymnasium. Spock's reluctant footsteps sounded behind me.

End of Story 3

The T'Varon Chronicles 4 - Starship Captain

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