'What A Nerve!'
Stinging waves sped along Jim Kirk's nerves. He shuddered and groaned. Once more he had succumbed. Once more he was gradually regaining control of himself.
"Oh no, not again!" he exclaimed, exhausted, as the Vulcan's grip tightened on his bare shoulders. "I can't take any more of this, Spock. You keep knocking me out."
"But you wanted me to do it to you, Jim," Spock protested. "You insisted on it. You said that you wanted to learn the technique."
"Oh," Kirk murmured. "I've got such a pain in my...." A soft moan escaped him as the ache intensified. "...neck," he finished.
"Captain, I have attempted to convince you that the Vulcan way is impossible for you, however you stubbornly will not accept that the strength differential cannot be surmounted."
Kirk roused himself a little and looked up into his friend's eyes. "I want to learn Vulcan techniques, Spock. Teach me." Spock's face kept wavering in and out of focus. Kirk blinked several times and tried to concentrate but nothing would stay still. "Can't you ease off a little? Every time you touch me I see stars..."
Spock frowned in disapproval. "Jim, it is impossible to see stars when in the gymnasium. There is no viewscreen here."
Kirk groaned at the Vulcan's interpretation of his words. "Spock," he began, then shook his head in a further attempt to clear his head but the movement only made it worse. Another wave of dizziness overcame him and he shuddered. "Spock you're too much for me," he complained, leaned back against a firm Vulcan shoulder and closed his eyes. "If I could learn it what an advantage it would give me. Just think of the energy I'd save."
Perspiration dripped from him. His body burned with intense heat, his own plus the warmer-than-human temperature of the Vulcan who held him, but he couldn't summon up the strength or will to pull himself away. Spock could steady him sooner than anyone or anything could do.
Every day this week, he had been trying to learn the Vulcan nerve pinch.
Every day this week, he had endured its devastating effects.
Every day this week, he had tried it out on Spock and failed miserably. The bony Vulcan shoulder had resisted all his attempts.
Every day this week, steely fingertips had pressed into his neck and caused unconsciousness, bruising, aches, pains, this despite the care taken by Spock.
The first officer had explained all about the vulnerable area and how to apply pressure to it in a particular way. He had demonstrated, stage by stage, how to achieve it. Kirk had been a willing guinea pig. Yet, still Kirk had been unable to manage it and now after may painful lessons he was on the verge of giving up.
He groaned again. He hated giving up. Jim Kirk did not give up.
Spock's voice broke into his decidedly fogged brain. "Captain, perhaps you should concede defeat over this."
"Concede! Never." It was then that the idea exploded in his brain. Of course. It was so simple. Why hadn't he thought of it before? "I've got it, Spock. If I saw you demonstrate with someone else then I could see exactly what you're doing and attempt to copy." As the room began to settle to normality, he slowly sat up. "That's the answer. I'll ask for volunteers."
All week, the nerve-pinch sessions had drawn a large and varied audience. Every crewmember not on duty, had crowded into the gymnasium each time the command team were there. All watched with a mixture of awe and amazement, and bets taken on the captain ever achieving his goal were not favourable.
As the fifty five members of the audience heard Kirk's words, there was a stampede for the nearest exit.
"I do not believe that volunteers will be easy to find," Spock observed.
Kirk rubbed at his neck but that action failed to help the numbness in his neck that now spread along his shoulder and down his arm. He sat with slumped shoulders. Too many neck pinches were agonising. Strong fingers began to knead the affected area and a warm glow began to ease his aching muscles. He sighed with relief and at that moment, inspiration struck. He knew exactly how to encourage volunteers, but he wondered just how to get the Vulcan's agreement.
"Impossible," Spock replied, after Kirk had suggested his idea.
"Aw, Spock. You did it for me," Kirk coaxed.
Embarrassment exuded from the half-naked Vulcan sitting on the mat in the now empty gymnasium. "I am not a masseur," he replied, stiffly.
"That was the best massage I ever had," Kirk said with a smile. "If you wanted to change profession, you'd have a brilliant career as a masseur."
"Really, Captain," Spock exclaimed, his eyebrows raised in shock.
"Please, Spock," Kirk tried to convince, "how will anyone volunteer to be a guinea pig. They've all seen what you've done to me. I have to offer some incentive... a..um...reward."
"A massage from the first officer would not be seemly, Captain," Spock said.
"It would have them lining up in the corridor," Kirk remarked with a laugh.
"The answer is no," came the definite reply. "Sir," Spock added after a few seconds.
Kirk sighed. Well he had tried. Now what else would induce his reluctant crew to participate in the experiment. Double rations of ice cream? He doubted it.
***
The captain's message was heard all over the ship. "Volunteers are required for some experimentation involving close co-operation with Mr Spock. Please report to the gymnasium at 1500 hours. Please note that there may be some physical discomfort involved but I can assure you that there will no permanent damage and that the whole experience will be interesting and... rewarding. Kirk out."
Four hundred and twenty eight crew members stood in silence. All knew the nature of the experiment. All had seen their captain suffer. All wondered how being knocked out by the Vulcan nerve pinch could be interesting and rewarding.
No-one volunteered.
***
Kirk paced the empty gymnasium. It was 15.30. Spock watched him in silence. "Dammit, why has no-one turned up?" Kirk asked. "What's happened to their curiosity, their sense of adventure? Where... " He broke off on seeing a tall form at the door. "Ah, come in." A wide grin of welcome broke out across his face. "Come on."
Spock's mouth hung open as Christine Chapel hesitantly made her way towards them. He pursed his lips and swallowed hard. Kirk gave Spock and amused glance then walked forward to greet the nurse. He hadn't expected any of the female crew to volunteer.... He chastised himself for the thought. He knew himself to be a little old fashioned about women. It still startled him a little when they didn't want protection and came across as highly trained professional officers who expected the same treatment as the men. Yet he doubted if Christine's motives were professional. He had overheard her comment in the rec room the previous evening, as she had voiced her envy over Kirk being held in Spock's arms. If he had heard it, then certainly those pointed ears had.
Kirk could almost feel Spock's profound embarrassment as Christine stammered, "I'm v...v...volunteering, sir, f...for the exp..p..periment."
"I see, Nurse Chapel." Kirk cleared his throat. He tried to keep his voice brisk and businesslike but it was difficult. Would it be possible to refuse her offer without insulting or upsetting her? Yet she was all that they had. What a predicament they were in. In a quandary he passed the buck. "Well Mr Spock?" he asked.
Obviously aware of Christine's hungry looks, the Vulcan had turned a deeper shade of green. Kirk watched in fascination as her eyes raked over Spock's hairy chest then slid to the lower half of his body, revealingly clad in tight practice leggings. Her face had taken on heightened colour and she constantly ran her tongue over her lips.
Kirk knew that if any woman looked at him in such a way, his action plus the subsequent events would be unavoidable. Spock, however, simply shifted a little under the intense scrutiny, folded his arms across his chest and replied, "Very well, sir. Ms Chapel, please lower your uniform."
Christine flushed a deep shade of red.
"Your shoulder must be fully exposed in order to demonstrate the method to Captain Kirk," Spock added.
Without a moment's hesitation, Christine obeyed his request and revealed one very smooth, pale shoulder. Kirk's eyes widened. A bare female shoulder had always turned him on. He took a deep calming breath and reminded himself that this was an experiment.
Christine trembled a little. She clasped her hands together as if to stop herself shaking. "W...Will it hurt, Mr Spock?" she asked in a husky tone.
Spock's reply was terse. "Slightly."
The nurse blinked, then glanced at Kirk. He smiled reassuringly, trying with his best charming manner to win her trust. It soon became obvious that it was wasted on her. Christine had never fallen for his 'I'll protect you, little lady' routine. She worshipped Spock with unrequited passion and no-one else existed for her.
"Captain, if you will stand behind Ms Chapel." Spock's voice interrupted his meandering, and he gave a guilty start. "Captain?" the Vulcan inquired, no doubt sensing his mood.
"Oh, yes," he replied in a nonchalant tone, he hoped. He moved to stand beside Spock behind Christine and concentrated as, once again, his friend tried to teach him the procedure.
Christine shivered as Spock's hand traced the line of her shoulder, just centimetres from touching her skin. Hot waves of desire course through her body as his breath stirred her hair. She imagined him sliding his arms around her, pulling her close, kissing her with Vulcan passion, lifting her and taking her to his cabin...
Faintly, she heard his voice. "Try it now, Captain."
Kirk's strong fingers pinched her at the join of neck and shoulder. She winced at the painful pressure, but did not sense any signs of unconsciousness approaching. Kirk muttered under his breath and tried again. Christine whimpered in pain and Kirk withdrew his hand, apologising profusely.
"It's all right, sir." She smiled a little, putting a brave face on it.
"I will do it to her," Spock said. "With your permission, Nurse Chapel," he added.
Christine felt a surge of joy. "Oh, yes, Mr Spock. Yes."
She closed her eyes and awaited the moment he would touch her; the moment his sensitive fingertips would rest on her bare skin. Her heart thumped, the blood coursed strongly through her veins, as the heat of his body registered. She could feel him reach out to her....
Blackness hit before his hand could settle on her neck.
***
As Chapel slumped, Kirk reacted instinctively by gallantly catching her in his arms. The sudden dead weight of her body caught him by surprise and, losing his balance, he tumbled back and landed unceremoniously on his back.
"I do not understand," Spock said. "I did not implement the nerve pinch." He stared down at the two sprawled at his feet.
Kirk gasped for breath as he struggled to free himself from under the body of the tall statuesque woman.
"It is most illogical," Spock continued. "Captain, will you explain?" He frowned as Kirk did not respond to his question. "Jim, what is the matter? Is Nurse Chapel ill? Shall I summon Dr McCoy?"
Kirk did not mind having women on top of him but he preferred them small and, better still, conscious. Chapel was neither. Her long blonde hair had come undone and thick strands lay across and - in - his mouth, and covered his eyes, blinding him. Her face pressed painfully into his Adam's Apple and he was almost choking. Her very female form pinned him to the ground and her weight seemed to have trebled in the last few seconds... Heady perfume filled his nostrils and his head was beginning to spin.
"Captain, have you fallen asleep?"
With a silent curse, Kirk managed to shift some of the blonde hair from his mouth. "Get her off me," he yelled.
Responding to that order, at once, Spock lifted the nurse from the captain and placed her down on the mat. He knelt down between them both and looked from one to the other. Kirk lay flat on his back, covered with sweat. He was weak with relief. He had almost suffocated under the tall nurse's body. She was a lot of woman, maybe too much for him.... He caught himself. What was he thinking? No woman was too much for James T Kirk.
"Captain, please explain what has happened," Spock asked, his confusion over the events of the past minute obvious.
Kirk leaned up on his elbow and looked at his friend. "She was not exactly the ideal volunteer. She fainted."
"Why would Ms Chapel, a strong and healthy young female, faint?" Spock sat back on his heels, his puzzlement only too clear.
"Spock, don't act the innocent. She'd jump into bed with you in a minute."
Spock frowned. "Why would she want to jump into bed with me, Jim? Even if she did consider such an illogical act, it is impossible as she is unconscious."
Kirk raised his eyes to the ceiling. He flopped back onto the floor and wondered despairingly just what he had done to deserve his Vulcan friend.
***
Annoyed by the lack of volunteers, Kirk summoned three of the duty security officers to the briefing room. They stood in line, as he paced up and down. All were aware of his disapproval and they wisely remained silent, afraid to stir his well-known temper.
Finally he stopped and faced them. "I asked for volunteers and only one person came forward, one person from the medical section. Not one 'man' from my highly trained, tough security team dared to face the Vulcan nerve pinch. He focussed on the tall, muscular Lt Galloway. "Well Galway," he barked.
"Galloway," the young man corrected.
"What!"
"My name is Galloway, sir."
Kirk shook his head. What was the man talking about? "Are you receiving me, Lt Galway?" he asked with more than a slight touch of sarcasm.
"Galloway is in Scotland, sir. Galway is in Ireland."
That was the final straw for a confused and angered captain. "If I want a geography lesson, I'll ask for it."
The security officer winced at the reprimand and looked down, unable to meet his captain's eye. "Sorry, sir."
Kirk turned his attention to the next man. "Mr Leslie," he said, his tone more gentle, "How about you?"
Leslie's eyes darted from side to side. "I'm fine, sir."
"You're fine!" Kirk was unable to believe his ears.
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."
Kirk felt his face redden with disbelief and fury. Leslie often misunderstood him, but this was ridiculous. He would have to do something about the man. He returned his attention to the first man. "Lt Johnson, surely the nerve pinch doesn't frighten a man of your experience and strength."
"Galloway, sir," the quavering voice of the red-shirted officer said.
"What! What!" Kirk exclaimed in amazement.
"My name is Galloway, sir, not Galway or Johnson. Why can't you get my name right, sir?"
Kirk scratched his head. Was it just him or was everything falling apart? He slumped down in his chair, trying to understand why he was unable to communicate with his men. A captain's lot was not an easy one.
He scrutinised the security team. "Garrovick," he said, speaking to the third man. The youngster was more intelligent than the other two, surely he would understand his captain's wishes.
"Sir." Garrovick stood to attention.
"You volunteered once before," Kirk said. Of course, he should have spoken earlier to the eager young man. Garrovick had jumped at the chance of beaming down with him to Tycho IV to get a shot at the cloud creature. He was an ideal candidate to volunteer.
"Sir?" Garrovick's handsome young face was resolute. "I didn't know then that if you got killed you had to carry on with your duty, like Mr Leslie and Mr Galloway here."
Kirk groaned. Why were all his officers being so obstinate?
"That's right," Leslie agreed. "It's not fair." It was an old gripe of his.
"I agree," said Galloway. "At least though, they still call you by your correct name. You see what I have to put up with?"
Kirk tried to placate them. "Gentlemen, no-one will get hurt. No-one will die. There will only be a little pain."
"Begging your pardon, sir," Leslie replied. "You've been in more than a little pain."
"That's because Mr Spock's been doing it to me all week! I need a rest. I need to watch him do it to someone else. I need someone to practise one. I need volunteers. I order you all to volunteer." Kirk was on his feet now and thumping his desk.
The men glanced at each other and came to a silent agreement. Leslie spoke for them all. He had defied Kirk in the past and automatically stepped into the position of leader. "No, sir."
"NO. Did you say no?" Kirk raged. "I'm the captain. I'm the captain. Do as I tell you." Defy him? How dare they?
The tough security men quailed before him and even Leslie's resolve began to fail him.
"Follow me to the gym," Kirk demanded.
Leslie took a deep breath, raised his eyebrows and looked up at the ceiling. Bolstered by the admiring glances from the other men increased his determination to face Kirk down...
"Are you refusing to obey me, Mr Leslie?" Kirk asked.
"Sir, it's not that I want to disobey but may I speak frankly, sir?" He stepped forward. He would boldly go where no man had gone before. He would defy Kirk and win.
"Oh, feel free, Mr Leslie," Kirk replied. He re-seated himself and leaned his chin on his hand. He was bemused by the turn of events. "Why should I care? What the hell. Call me Jim if you want. If you don't think of me as your captain anymore you may as well."
Leslie smiled. "Yes sir, I mean Jim." He cleared his throat. "Jim, we don't want to go to the gym with you, because - Jim - if we go to the gym we'll all end up unconscious. It'll look really bad if three security officers, all on duty, are incapacitated, Jim. So, Jim, that's why we don't want to go to the gym, Jim. If you see what I mean, Jim. The gym, Jim, is a place we all go, Jim..."
Kirk exploded. "That's it. You're all ordered to the gym... the gymnasium at once. You will take part in the nerve pinch experiment. Failure to obey my orders will result in you being sent to the brig for a very long time. Go at once. On the double, men."
Defeated, the men filed out of the room, their heads low, and their morale even lower. All except Lt Leslie whose peeved tone filtered back to Kirk.
"I know he's the captain, but what a nerve!"